You guys are wonderful. :big kiss:
It's been a very difficult day.
Lisa, I was thinking all day about rescuing a bunny but feel disloyal thinking about it even though I would be saving a life and spoiling another one rotten. It's just so soon. I don't know if I would be trying to ignore, deny the pain I feel and would that be fair to a new bun or to Tahli's memory.
I'm going to have to try to sort through my feelings. I took down Tahli's enclosure today and that was pure hell because I had just made it the day before and he loved it..but my 4 year old cried everytime she looked at it.
she asked me if bunnies go to heaven and do they come back in another bunny body? I have a deep kid. I told her some people believe that. I told her heaven was his home now and she cried, no mama, we are his home.
She was crying too because she was scared the cats in heaven had claws and would hurt tahli. How do you deal with a child's loss. She adored him more than anything. She told me once, BunBun is yours, mama. Tiny is mine. ( she nicknamed him Tiny)
It's been awful.
My oldest daughter who was with us last night is absolutely lost. she looks haunted.
I'm numb and it comes in waves. Hubby broke down and cried tonight.
I still just can't believe it. I need to grieve but I need to do it here or privately when no one is home. I feel like I have to keep it together somehow but the images of his death won't leave my head. I couldn't leave him to die alone and I wonder if he would have preferred that.
My heart couldn't do it but having to witness that tore me to pieces and I find although I'm trying to think of him licking my toes and peeing on hubby's side of the couch and him watching boxing with my husband, but the images of last night just keep haunting me.
A friend told me she thought another bun would be healing to me. That it could help erase some of the images of last night so I could focus on remembering all the love and spoiling and binkies Tahli did. I'm just not sure what will help.
I feel physically ill thinking about last night. I am sooooo glad that you guys get this and you get the guilt part and the overthinking part. I didn't want him examined after the fact because I don't think I could bear to know if there was something I overlooked or that it had been the shock of the water or the stress of his move to his new enclosure which was just kickass. he chilled out in there on his mat and seemed so happy but did the change kill him?
All these thoughts, I really do have to get a grip.