Jokes

Carolyn · May 5, 2005

A young boy asks his dad, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way.

1) I'm the bread winner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism.

2) Your mom is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government.

3) We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.

4) The nanny we'll call the Working Class.

5) Let's call your baby brother the Future. "Now, think about that and
see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

The little boy then goes to his parents' room and finds his mom sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in
bed with the nanny. He then gi ves up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad I think I now
understand politics.

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is about.

The little boy replies "While Capitalism is screwing the Working Class,
the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the
future's in Deep ****."

Carolyn · May 5, 2005

Comments made in the year 1957:[/i]

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

[line]

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won'tbe long before $2000 will only buy a used one."

[line]

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

[line]

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

[line]

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

[line]

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas wouldsomeday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving thecar in the garage."

[line]

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make itimpossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will bewearing their hair as long as the girls."

[line]

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Eversince they let Clark Gable get by with saying '****' in 'Gone With TheWind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "****" init.

[line]

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible toput a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have somefellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

[line]

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if somedaythey'll be making more than the president."

[line]

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would beelectric. They are even making electric typewritersnow."

[line]

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a fewmarried women are having to work to make ends meet."

[line]

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hiresomeone to watch their kids so they can both work."

[line]

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seemto be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

[line]

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

[line]

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Governmenttakes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electingthe best people to congress."

[line]

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

[line]

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend.It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

[line]

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

[line]

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,forget it."

Carolyn · May 5, 2005

northerndancer · May 5, 2005

I'm loving this thread

heres some Funny signs:

In the electricians: "if you pay your bill, we will be de-lighted. If you don't you will be"

In the plastic surgeons: "we'll help you pick your nose"

In the funeral directors parking lot: "Please drive carefully, we're happy to wait"

In the plumbers: "we repair what your husband fixed"

The vets "back in 5 mins. Sit. Stay!"

In the optimetrists "If you cant see what youre looking for youre in the right place"

In the muffler shop: "No appointment necessery, we heard you coming"

On the maternity hospital door "Push. Push. PUSH"

In an non smoking lounge "If you are smoking we will assume your on fire and take the appropriate action"

In the bowling alley "Quiet Please!- we need to hear a pin drop"

Carolyn · May 5, 2005