Jenniblu
Well-Known Member
Yep. I used to have a sign atworklike the last one except it had a skeleton sitting on abench that said, "Waiting for the perfect man..." The femaleclients loved the sign, but the male clients were notamused.
Jokes
- Thread starter Carolyn
- Start date
Help Support Rabbits Online Forum:
ok now i am getting mad thats 2 times i havetried to post that and it didnt comethru , preview shows it but when ipost it doesnt show up any ideas why ?
The Old Poodle
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful
aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers
that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her
direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones
on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with
her back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror
comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard,
"That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection
from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the
leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey
soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself
with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey,
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits
down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet,
and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's
that **** monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with old fokes...age and treachery will always overcome youth and
skill! Brains and brilliance only come with age and experience!
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people
laughing in the world.
May you be blessed everyday by a friend who loves you.............
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful
aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers
that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her
direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones
on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with
her back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly,
"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror
comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard,
"That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection
from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the
leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey
soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself
with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey,
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits
down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet,
and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, "Where's
that **** monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with old fokes...age and treachery will always overcome youth and
skill! Brains and brilliance only come with age and experience!
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people
laughing in the world.
May you be blessed everyday by a friend who loves you.............
Profundities of zen philosophy
>>>
>>>
>>>1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.
>>>
>>>2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.
>>>
>>>3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.
>>>
>>>4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT...... IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.
>>>
>>>5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.
>>>
>>>6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.
>>>
>>>7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
>>>
>>>8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.
>>>
>>>9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.
>>>
>>>10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.
>>>
>>>11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
>>>
>>>12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE
>>>CHEESE.
>>>
>>>13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.
>>>
>>>14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.
>>>
>>>15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.
>>>
>>>16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
>>>
>>>17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.
>>>
>>>18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!
>>>
>>>19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.
>>>
>>>20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!
>>>
>>>21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.
>>>
>>>22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.
>>>
>>>23 . OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?
>>>
>>>24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?
>>>
>>>25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED
>>>SOMETHING.
>>>
>>>26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
>>>
>>>27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.
>>>
>>>28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.
>>>
>>>29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
>>>
>>>30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?
>>>
>>>31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
>>>
>>>32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
>>>
>>>33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.
>>>
>>>34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.
>>>
>>>35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?
>>>
>>>36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT
>>>HAPPENED?
>>>
>>>37. JUST REMEMBER ....... IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL
>>>OFF.
>>>
>>>38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR
>>>BRIGHT
>>>......... UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
>>>
>>>
>>>1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.
>>>
>>>2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.
>>>
>>>3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.
>>>
>>>4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT...... IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.
>>>
>>>5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.
>>>
>>>6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.
>>>
>>>7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
>>>
>>>8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.
>>>
>>>9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.
>>>
>>>10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.
>>>
>>>11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
>>>
>>>12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE
>>>CHEESE.
>>>
>>>13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.
>>>
>>>14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.
>>>
>>>15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.
>>>
>>>16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
>>>
>>>17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.
>>>
>>>18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!
>>>
>>>19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.
>>>
>>>20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!
>>>
>>>21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.
>>>
>>>22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.
>>>
>>>23 . OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?
>>>
>>>24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?
>>>
>>>25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED
>>>SOMETHING.
>>>
>>>26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
>>>
>>>27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.
>>>
>>>28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.
>>>
>>>29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
>>>
>>>30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?
>>>
>>>31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
>>>
>>>32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
>>>
>>>33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.
>>>
>>>34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.
>>>
>>>35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?
>>>
>>>36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT
>>>HAPPENED?
>>>
>>>37. JUST REMEMBER ....... IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL
>>>OFF.
>>>
>>>38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR
>>>BRIGHT
>>>......... UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer
Hope you don't mind a bit of risqué,
which I rarely sendalong! If you should find it too offensive,
please advise, and I will remove your name
promptly from these type of emails!
(OpenDiscreetly)
Please scroll on Down.......
Hope you don't mind a bit of risqué,
which I rarely sendalong! If you should find it too offensive,
please advise, and I will remove your name
promptly from these type of emails!
(OpenDiscreetly)
Please scroll on Down.......
THAT! is just too darn cute !!!!!!!!!!
BunnyMom
Well-Known Member
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze todeath at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closedfor the winter".
Emmy-webby
Well-Known Member
:laugh:
Carolyn wrote:
My post didn't show the picture of George Clooney or Brad Pitt when I quoted from your post.
They are very good looking men.I read somewhere George Clooney wasvoted the sexist single male.I don't remember what year it was,but Ithink it was 2 0r 3 years ago when I was reading it at the check outlane at the grocery store.I don't know if you ever watched that showFacts of Life back in the 80's,George Clooney played on that show onthe last season of that show.He was the guy who was the handy man.Hewas good looking then and still good looking now.
My post didn't show the picture of George Clooney or Brad Pitt when I quoted from your post.
Bramble Briar86
Well-Known Member
Carolyn wrote:
Hehehe
Ellie
Throws arms around picture....Hisses and screams MINE!!!
Hehehe
Ellie
Snuggys Mom
Well-Known Member
Fishing with Moses:
Snuggys Mom
Well-Known Member
Oops! Sorry!
stanleysmommy
Well-Known Member
LOL Laura!!
Jenniblu
Well-Known Member
Ain't it the Truth (Joke)
A man owned a small farm in Western Kentucky. The Wage and Hour
Department of Kentucky claimed he was not paying proper wages to his
help and sent an agent to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded
the agent.
"Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him
$600 a month plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus
free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit that works about 18 hours a day. He makes $10
a week and I buy him beer," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent.
The farmer says, "That would be me."
A man owned a small farm in Western Kentucky. The Wage and Hour
Department of Kentucky claimed he was not paying proper wages to his
help and sent an agent to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded
the agent.
"Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him
$600 a month plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus
free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit that works about 18 hours a day. He makes $10
a week and I buy him beer," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent.
The farmer says, "That would be me."
Bunnys_rule63
Well-Known Member
Thought i'd post this picture i got in a forward
stanleysmommy
Well-Known Member
Can't see it.
rabbitluvr04
Well-Known Member
Me neither
FreddysMom
Well-Known Member
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit theball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found afrog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed tomention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wishfor, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make yourhusband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women willflock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed tomention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wishfor, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make yourhusband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women willflock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
