BlueGiants wrote:
No one told him he was a rabbit, he thought he was "one of us". (Well, he was!)
:sad:
Thank you so much for posting this, Cathy. I truly, deeply appreciate it.
I wanted to come on and post a few details about what happened...
Teeny passed away sometime in his sleep Monday evening. He was laying just like he always does when sleeping, and didn't look like he'd been in any pain. He'd been eating a bit less (but it's always been normal for his appetite to fluxuate, with his growth rates going up and down...and he still had about six more months of growing to do), but he'd been going potty and drinking just fine, and was eating his hay great, just a little less pellet food (which, once again, was not out-of-the-ordinary). There weren't any real indicators. Sure, he'd also been a bit less active...but that's nothing at all unusual with larger buns, either. Just no real indicators that would've raised a red flag.
As far as how I'm doing...not real great. I wake up several times a night, just long enough and awake enough to think
"Teeny" or to think
"Where's my baby?" and fall back asleep. Danny's even cried about it. We're all three just plain devastated.
We took his cage out of the general area of the others today. We were going to completely disassemble it (it was an NIC cage) and keep the panels, but with the cutting of each zip tie, it just got more and more difficult, and finally the both of us decided we just couldn't go through with it, and took the whole cage (minus his toys) to the dumpster.
I can't believe I had to disassemble his whole life today. I always put so much into mocking up my babies' spaces when they first come home, and do so much with them everyday. It's so hard having one less bun to feed, and he was one of my buns that I did special things with in feeding him (he got Calf Manna and he was my only bun on Oxbow 15/23 food). I even used the top of his cage to arrange everyone's foodbowls on to put their food in.
I just can't believe he's gone. We would've celebrated his first Gotcha Day on the 16th of December...so he hadn't even been home for a year yet. He just celebrated his first birthday on the 26th of October, so he was barely a year old. I'll never know how much he would've weighed when he was full grown. I just find it so hard to believe this has happened.
I still remember when he fit in my hand as a baby bun, feet on each side of my hand, belly fitting perfectly in my palm, beautiful fawn-colored fluffy baby fur...ears so heavy they would fall down each side of his head, almost like a lop's.
We have his body inside three heavy black garbage bags while we're figuring out what we're going to do with it. I was breaking down so badly while Danny and I were trying to take apart his cage, so Danny walked over, found his head and ears through the bag, and brought me over to pet him. I just stood there, crying, talking to him...it was so hard, but so badly needed...to be able to say goodbye and let go.
Our eight other sweeties are doing okay. They all seem perfectly fine, health-wise, and I'll be keeping an eye on each one, looking for any signs of different behaviour. I think they took the time after he'd passed to say goodbye. Trixie let me pet her, and even kiss her, which is just not her usual thing. Over the last few months, she's decided Daddy's her human, so he feeds her along with his other girl, SweetPea (well, I still fill the bowls, but he takes them out and puts them back, lol). It's nice to see her warmed up to someone...she's such a goofy aloof girl! But I got to pet her as long as I liked, and give her lots of kisses. It's not often they see me cry like that, so I'm sure it threw them for a loop.
I could tell Flower was quite confused. She and Teeny had bonded somewhat over the past few months (as their cages sat next to one another's), so she's wondering where her big ol' goofy friend went. I tried to give her some love, but she grunted and tried to box me...my poor baby's so confused.
She's going to need extra love for some time.
As far as everyone else, boy are they getting lots of love! Mama can't seem to leave anyone alone lately.
Cathy's statement about Teeny is so true, though. He was in so many ways so human. He would snuggle up and nuzzle me with his nose and rub cheeks with me. No other bun, not even Fiver, would do this. And there was just such an understanding in his eyes...they were so human, those beautiful lavendar-gray eyes.
I'm gonna miss my big ol' goofball boy. I used to say to him, "What am I gonna do with you?" Now I find myself wondering "What am I going to do
without you?"
Just keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. I don't know how much I'll be on here, but I wanted to come on and thank everyone for their condolences and prayers and thoughts. It means so much.
Here's my favourite picture of my beautiful, goofbal boy:
And here's one that so beautifully illustrates those gorgeous eyes:
