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Two guys are walking down the street when they come upon a dog sitting and licking his balls. One of them says: "Boy, I wish I could do that!" The other replies: "Perhaps you should pet him first."
 
Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah!
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A Priest commented at a funeral,"We are gathered here today to pay homage to a good man. He was a kind man, a man everyone loved, and a man who treasured his family as much as his family treasured him." The widow suddenly leaned over and whispered to her grandson, "Go make sure that's your grandpa in the coffin."
 
A rabbit goes into a shop and asks, “got any carrots?” The shop keeper says no and the rabbit leaves. The next day, the rabbit returns and asks, “got any carrots?” Once again the shop keeper says no and the rabbit leaves.

This continues for a week. The next day when the rabbit enters and asks for carrots the shop keeper says, “no! And if you come in here asking for carrots I’m going to nail your ears to the wall.”

The next day the rabbit comes in and asks, “got any nails?”

“No,” says the shopkeeper.

“Good,” says the rabbit. “Got any carrots…?”
 

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