Reposting from May
Treasure Your Animals
Right now I am grieving on so many scales. I feel like I am wrapped up in it. How do I get out?
Part of me feels bad because I feel like I should be grieving for Sam and while I miss her the grief isn't for her. It is for my boys, and knowing that I will lose Brit.
I got my boys in large part because of my friend Amy. She got Merlin and Mace, they belonged to her but oh my god I fell in love. I had always wanted a guinea pig but seeing Merlin my heart sang and I wanted guinea pigs so bad. When the chance came up for my first two boys Skunk Boy and Peanut Butter Cup (nicknames) I jumped it just had to work.
Than I lost Sam just before they were to get here. Oh god did I hurt but I just kept making plans for my boys. They got me through even when I just wanted to curl up and die. I named them to honor Sam. Samuel Elijah and Logan Jake.
Some how things came about and Amy had to rehome her two boys. I won't go into details but it was such a rough time and lots of things happened but I got my boys. I got my Merlin that had stolen my heart before I met him. He had a lot of issues and I knew he was my miracle piggy. He was my little man. So special so unique. Don't get me wrong I loved all four of my boys but Merlin was my baby.
The first year since I lost Sam came but I made it through planning for the boys gotcha day. I had them to feel joy for and some how Apple made her way to us and helped us celebrate.
I fought so hard to get Merlin to make it that I was in shock when Mace got sick and in less than 24hrs I lost him. How could that happen he was the hulk of guinea pig world. I lost my big boy, my husband lost his friend. He didn't make it a year but he made into our hearts and will never leave there.
The second year came and I made a project in Sams memory that helped me heal. I did so much better than most thought.
The first anniversary of Maces death was hard but I was bound and determined that I would celebrate the joys of having the rest of my crew here with us alive and healthy. I celebrated Apples birthday, I made plans to celebrate Connors bday and Dallas's gotcha that Monday afternoon. I woke up that morning and Elijah was gone. I doubled over in pain. How? Why? No time to grieve because we could see we were losing Logan. His heart was broken and he took his last breath in my arms as I cried no over and over. Within hours I could tell that Merlin was having another round of his problems. I fought so hard to keep him alive. To keep him with us but no he to left us just a few days after his second gotcha. In one week I lost the all my guinea pigs. It hurt to lose them because there was so much wrapped up in them. I thank God that when I had the chance to meet Amy I brought Merlin to see her because some how I knew that if I didn't she wouldn't get the chance to see him again.
Now it should be three years of them being with us but that didn't happen so instead of grieving for Sam I grieve because even though my boys should be with me they are not.
Now as the days draw closer to a day that should bring so much joy I am grieving for a loss yet to come. Yes Brit is here and I have told myself for months that every day is a gift. She is past the life expectancy for her breed by several years. Yes I have the knowledge that our time is numbered but some how that feels harder. I know that it may be the last time she curls up in my lap and rubs her face into me. It may be the last time I call her BritBrit and she nuzzles my face. She has been such an amazing dog. For 15 years she blessed our family. She lived through a lot of painful losses. Lady, Sandy, Cocomo, Princess, and she also joined us because of a loss, my sweet innocent Molly Marie. Brit has lived with us through losses of so many dogs and now we are losing her. How can we let her go? Yes we will do right by her even when it breaks all of our hearts.
So I cry, and I grieve. I have said so many times to so many people yes this is painful, yes yet again my heart breaks but in the end the joy that each one of my animals brings me is 10x worth the pain that the losses bring.
So love and value the animals in our life because while we may have long to live they only bless our lives for a short time.
hello,Ali. I'll be looking forward to see all your lovely crews 
