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6 Weeks Pregnant at 17 Years Old

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kirstin

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I'm 6 weeks pregnant at 17 years old. The pregnancy was a mistake (obviously), and abortion is out of the question -- I would never resort to such a thing. My 20 y.o. boyfriend got me pregnant, and he's leaving for basic training in the Army in August. I'm due in late October, so he'll still be gone by the time I have the baby. My boyfriend and I are "unofficially engaged", meaning we are planning on getting married, but don't have the money to pay for marital expenses. That, and I'm a bit young... my parents are stressed enough, but they are supportive.

So here's the question... adoption or keep?

There are pros and cons to each that I've found. Emotionally, I want to keep the baby, but logically, I don't. It would be better for the baby to grow up in a home with a mother and father that can easily support them... but part of me believes that I need to take full and complete responsibility for the baby, meaning I should sacrafice going to college or living my life as a young adult. I'd probably finish high school online (and sadly only get a GED). What should I do? I've got quite a bit of time to think about whether to give up for adoption or keep, but many are asking, and I want to be able to prepare for whichever my decision may be. My boyfriend is leaning more towards adoption just because he feels horrible that I'd have to spend my days as a single mom (because he'll be gone so much for the Army, supporting me). I'm just not sure what to do. Help?
 

jujub793

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first of all you don't have to give up your life because you made a mistake. you can still go to high school and college. lots of girls/women do. but you need very strong family and friend support. it would be better for you and your child if you had education on your side because if you do decide to keep it you will need to support it and you will be better able to support it with better education. but that is only if your family is willing to help you through all that. i would highly recommend you do not drop out of school just because youre pregnant. unless your school makes you, but there are things you can do if that happens... your situation is far from ideal but if you really wanted to make it work you will find a way.
 

TinysMom

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I am 50 years old....and adopted. In addition - I got married at 18 (almost 19) ... and my husband was military and I did the whole "Single mom" thing for a few months. (I hated it).

With all that said - here is my input...such as it is worth.

I know that you love your boyfriend and he loves you - but you are both so young. Even when I was 20 or 22 - I wasn't the same person that I was at 18. We're still married - don't get me wrong - and we love each other dearly and we're one of the few couples who beat the odds that are against couples who marry young. But at the age you're at - you both change and to lock yourself into a marriage at this young age....is something that worries me - particularly if you do it for the sake of a child.

I would consider contacting a couple of pastors and seeing if there are any couples in their churches who are wanting to do a private adoption - and then see about getting an "open adoption" where you can continue to find out about your child as they grow and maybe even be a part of their life at some point in time. That way....your options are sorta open as far as not wondering about your child all the time - and it gives you a chance to help pick their parents. So many people are wanting to adopt but can't (within the system) due to their age or other factors....this would be the perfect way for you to have a say on where your child goes.

As an adoptee, I found my mom in my 20's and I am so glad that I did. I find that there is a lot of things that are in our genetics that we probably had no idea about. For instance - my adopted mom always thought I was rebellious because I hated wearing shoes....when my birthmom walked into her house and kicked them off and said, "I hate shoes" as she hung them on antlers over the door of the den...I knew I'd found a lot of answers to my questions. My adopted mom thought that because I didn't like her style of decorating - I was rebellious. When I walked into my birthmom's house and saw the same figurines I had....and pictures I'd circled in the Home Interiors catalog to buy...it was like WOW. We have the same body type (we had a couple of the same shirts from Walmart)....we both talk with our hands.

My point is - at some point, I think your child will probably want to know you (even if they don't want an ongoing relationship). An open adoption allows for this.

Anyway - if you were my daughter, my advice to you would be to either go with an open adoption - or stay home for a while and attend college locally and let us help you raise your child until both you and your fiancee are older (at least a couple of years) and know more about what you want from your lives.

My pm box is always open if you need someone.

Peg
 

irishbunny

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Like someone else said, if you really want to keep it you'll find a way to make it work. It is possible. Sounds like your parents are supportive too. My Mam had my older sister at 17 and my Sister is now a Psychologist. So it is possible for young Mothers to raise their kids to be successful people.

That being said it just isn't for some people, and if you feel like adoption is somwthing you might want to do there is no harm in at least looking into it. It is extremely hard to do, but it is very selfless.

One thing I want to say is don't let ANYONE try and make you do something you don't want to do. Unless it is the right decision for you, don't do it. I know a girl who was pressured by her Boyfriend to have an abortion and regrets it everyday. When my Mam had my Sister nuns were trying to force her to give her up for adoption and she is so thankful she didn't.

Good luck and I hope everything works out ok!
 

Mrs. PBJ

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Being 22 and living the wife role sense 17. I have only been married a year but we played house sense I was 17.

I say played house cause your way to young to get married. Your going to change as a person a lot over the next couple of years.

I am pregnant now and let me tell you, If i could go back and meet my husband 4 years later we would have never got married we work now but it has taken a lot. For a long time we would say to anyone who asked we made a lot better friends. Now to your new bundle of joy. Do what is best for you. My sister is raising four kids going to school full time and working full time. She has state aide with daycare so she is able to do it. I watch her youngest two for the first year of their life.

At 17 I will tell you this anything is possible for you. If you keep him/her you can finish school go to college and still know your son or daughter loves you. Well mommy had me and made it so I can do anything. In five years you will be a totally different person.

Your 6 weeks which makes you do around Oct? Look into advance learning in school while you are pregnant talk to your counselor and see if they can get you on the fast track to graduate in Dec. Take summer classes this year. See is you can take half day next year so you only need someone to watch him/her for a few hours a day. I know its not ideal to have a baby and turn around and go back but if you don't go back you won't.

I know your scared at 22 married with hubby in a set job I am scared. Check out craigslist by used see if any family has anything. For the first couple of years your baby is not going to know her toys are used. And you got a hole box of toys for 5 bucks that would have cost you over 100 at the store.
 

JadeIcing

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What everyone said is very true. Be open with your family, your bf and his family. Sit down you may find that the whole family is willing to chip in someone way to make this work. Or you may find that you all find out that adoption is best.
 

pamnock

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I was also pregnant at 17 and would never have changed a thing. 4 kids and 30 years later - no regrets and finally at nearly 50 going to nursing school. ;)


Good luck with your decision - you are in my prayers that you will find the right decision for you and your baby. :pray:
 

Colorguarder08

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well being 20 and not having a kid but watching my brother struggle with his who he had at 19 and she is almost 4 now I would have to say it IS possible to do a good job if you put the work into it. Fourantely my brother and the babies mom broke up when she was 8 months old.I think it's a good thing because they just weren't a good match. Now my brother has his daughter every week from monday at 10am through wednesday at 10 am then the next week it's sunday at 10am through wednesday at 10am. He pays a boat load in child support though and my grandmother provides free babysitting when he's at work (he was just recently laid off) However he is a good daddy and she knows she is loved by both parents. It is possible to be a good parent a former best friend of mine had a baby right after we graduated high school she said the baby motivated her to finish highschool she is now in beauty school as she had always planned to be and was a single mom for the first two years of the babies life the dad and her are now back together and the baby will be three in september. So really it is all about how hard are you willing to fight against odds to make it work for you and your family
 

wordstoasong

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Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.

I also have a GED. I got it in 2008, before getting together with my BF. With this, I can still get into colleges I want to, get a future career in the area I want (working with horses). Hope you look into all your options, and don't give up on anything. You can do it. :) Best wishes to you!
 

kirstin

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wordstoasong wrote:
Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.

I also have a GED. I got it in 2008, before getting together with my BF. With this, I can still get into colleges I want to, get a future career in the area I want (working with horses). Hope you look into all your options, and don't give up on anything. You can do it. :) Best wishes to you!

If I were to keep the baby... I wouldn't be able to have insurance for them, and by the timeI have the kid, my boyfriend won't be out of basic training, so benefits would have to wait. It's all quite confusing. =/
 

wordstoasong

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kirstin wrote:
wordstoasong wrote:
Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.

I also have a GED. I got it in 2008, before getting together with my BF. With this, I can still get into colleges I want to, get a future career in the area I want (working with horses). Hope you look into all your options, and don't give up on anything. You can do it. :) Best wishes to you!

If I were to keep the baby... I wouldn't be able to have insurance for them, and by the timeI have the kid, my boyfriend won't be out of basic training, so benefits would have to wait. It's all quite confusing. =/
I just noticed you're in the states, and I'm in Canada, so I'm guessing its different. Sorry about that! But I wish you the best in finding a good supportive choice.
 

Colorguarder08

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kirstin wrote: If I were to keep the baby... I wouldn't be able to have insurance for them, and by the timeI have the kid, my boyfriend won't be out of basic training, so benefits would have to wait. It's all quite confusing. =/

Well I'm not sure how things work in colorado but I know that here in washington the state automatically provides insurance for children and babies and therefore pregnant mothers too you may want to look into it.
 

Mrs. PBJ

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I would look into your state health like Color said every state tends to have health care especially for young moms low income moms and children.

I get medicaid and WIC which one is health care and one provides everything the baby eats for the first year.

With daddy being in military your baby should get free health care from jump. All military personal and there children get health care.
 
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