It's been rather festive around here lately...lol!
So, as background, my FIL has a roommate that's been with him since about six months before we arrived. He's a 64yo man that had been a chef for around 22yrs (which he takes great pride in reminding us daily). Right now, he's doing construction work (concrete stairs).
When we first moved in with my FIL, I was told that Mr. Grumpy Chef (the nickname I've taken to giving him, but not to his face, lol) had been friends with my FIL for some twenty years and was worth his salt. So, I decided to trust my FIL (not a bad thing to do) about him and, like I do with anyone, set out with an open mind to get to know him.
Pretty much immediately, it became obvious to me that this man has issues with women...as in, thinks less of them than men. He wouldn't talk directly to me, but would answer my questions to Danny. The only time he would talk to me was to offer to "teach me how to cook" (even though at the time, he didn't know if I knew how to or not...he just assumed) and once I *had* cooked for everyone, to tell me that my cooking was awful (even though I was hearing the moans of food enjoyment from my FIL and my family at the same time). He's made it clear he doesn't think I can cook worth beans, and now views me as his "sous chef" (in his eyes, this means I'm someone he can shove around and berate and give jobs to do in the kitchen...not something I'm willing to be).
Now, take into account, this is a man that was a professional chef for 22 years (hey, if I have to hear it constantly, so do you, lol)...so he knows his stuff in the kitchen. He ran a professional kitchen staff, and has served anywhere from 10 to thousands of people at a time. Apparently, he cooks a mean chicken cor de bleu and likes to tell me he can show me how to dice an onion or make this or that (things I've proven I can do, and have done several times since being here) because I'm not doing it right in his eyes, or fast enough for his taste.
Now, something I should point out...this sounds like he's just trying to help and offer his knowledge...but it's not advice given in good spirit (something he's even admitted). In his eyes, anyone that knows less than him (which is just about everyone) isn't worth poop...and he's not afraid to let them know. I'd not even known the man a few days, he asked me to make him a sandwich, which at the time was fine with me. Danny wound up having to make it due to a situation I needed to handle with Em, and Mr. Grumpy Chef told me I was a horrible cook because I didn't "slather" the mustard just right (he didn't know Danny'd made it until I mentioned it).
Needless to say, this kinda set the tone for things, and showed me a lot about the man. I hadn't yet cooked him a meal, and he'd already decided my place in the kitchen before even seeing what I could do.
Now, I don't consider myself a first-rate chef, or by any means a professional one. I've had to teach myself how to cook and prepare meals by watching Food Network (my mom didn't want to take the time to teach me like I am with Em, so I wound up clueless when I moved out on my own), and have learned a great deal on my own. Danny and I have discovered I have a good talent for combining flavors, and we've really been enjoying the things I've made. Never have I heard a single complaint until meeting Mr. Grumpy Chef, and that was because of a SANDWICH. I had never before heard that I was a "horrible chef" by anyone...in fact, I've been told the opposite, that I have a true talent in the kitchen, and have heard more often than not that I should consider becoming a chef because I would make a killing at it.
So, this is a situation that has been building for some time...up and down...gets stressful then cools down for a bit. For instance, I was making pot roast the other day, and right in the middle of its cooking, Mr. Grumpy Chef started yelling, "Get that roast out of the oven!! It's done!! DO IT!!" He was demanding that I take my roast out...and Danny and I both knew it was only about halfway done. (We like to cook it until it's falling apart.) So, Danny replied, "It's not done. It still has at least another hour or two to cook." To this, Mr. Grumpy Chef started YELLING that it was done, and that we'd better listen to him...that he bought the meat, and thus we had better do what we say!! All of a sudden, this man was trying to tell us what to do, without any provocation or need.
Danny's dad even had to get involved to tell him to shut the heck up, that we were on top of it, and that if he wanted to cook dinner, he'd better just get in the kitchen and COOK already (my FIL's made mention that he doesn't understand why Mr. Grumpy Chef isn't cooking anymore...and I think it's because he expects the WOMAN of the house to cook for him), and that if someone else was cooking, he'd better just stay out of it and let them cook.
I've taken the time to try to talk to him many times now, and we seem to come to an agreement, but then things happen again just like the conversation never took place. Time and time again, over and over again...the same things.
This situation, in varying forms, has taken place many times now...and culminated a couple nights ago.
Mr. Grumpy Chef had never cleared his things out of his old place, a house he'd been renting that was about an hour from here. So, the other day (I believe Saturday), he and the other roommate went down and got his things, which included lots of kitchen things (of course).
Danny, Em, and I woke up and came upstairs to the kitchen counters being FULL of his things...which wasn't a huge deal, except that I had to cook a meal for us, and needed the counter space. So, to be nice, I started clearing things away, making space for them in the cupboards, noticing how filthy things were (for instance, one of the items was a deep-fryer that still had oil in it...keeping in mind that he'd not been back to the place in about eight or nine months, and that the power in his place had been off for at least a month...it was FILTHY), and I had in mind that I would clean them when I could and definitely before they got used at all.
While I was putting these things away, Mr. Grumpy Chef started getting rather loud in the voice, saying "you'd better clean those before you put them away!!" To which, I replied, "I'm going to have to clean them later...I need to cook breakfast for my family right now." And he wouldn't let up, just kept getting louder. Danny was standing right there, and finally things got bad enough that he said, "HEY! Let her make breakfast for her family! Back off!!" Mr. Grumpy Chef tried to assert that we've "eaten thousands of dollars of groceries" that he'd bought (when we rarely eat the food he buys because of this attitude, and he's not spent even close to that amount, we've tallied), so we'd better "just do what he says" and take his orders.
Without going too much into it (I don't want anyone to worry...things got a bit physical between them, but it was necessary, and didn't get bad at all...no one got hit, or anything), I think things got handled to a large degree, and the situation showed my FIL that it might be time that Mr. Grumpy Chef find his own place. He's been treating me and mine horribly for most of the time we've been here, despite the many times we've talked to him and an agreement seemed to take place.
When we all moved into this house, my FIL made a huge point of letting Mr. Grumpy Chef know that this kitchen here is MY kitchen, since I took a great amount of time to unpack the kitchen things, organize and put them away, and took the time to ask my FIL the whole time where things should go, and did he like it this way or that (it was his stuff I was unpacking...Mr. Grumpy Chef didn't have anything here at the time). My FIL also let Mr. Grumpy Chef know that he wasn't allowed to boss me around anymore, and that I am NOT his sous chef, and told me not to take orders from him. He said, "you'd better ask her real nicely where things are, and listen to the rules she puts down here" because he wanted to be sure I wasn't pushed around anymore.
I think Mr. Grumpy Chef will probably be moving out soon, and if he doesn't do so on his own, my FIL is coming to the conclusion that he might have to tell him to leave. He's not being a friend anymore, something that my FIL is upset about. Sometimes people change...and in Mr. Grumpy Chef's case, he just can't seem to handle living with a woman anymore (given that things were fine until a woman entered the household). His view of women being inferior, combined with thinking he's the ONLY one that knows anything in a kitchen, have combined to be a rather awful combination...and my FIL loves me like his own daughter, and will fiercely protect his family. He doesn't like how I've been treated, and won't stand for it.
So, since then, little things are happening...such as the meat Danny and I'd defrosted and had in the fridge for last night's dinner (so we could just quickly cook it) being put back into the freezer (making it so we had to take the time to defrost it again, and thereby drying out the meat horribly). We've made sure to ask my FIL if he'd done it (which just isn't something he would do, but it's worth checking), and sure enough, it wasn't his work.
I just take heart and remind myself that this is only for a time. Danny getting a raise now means that we won't have to use ANY of the food Mr. Grumpy Chef buys (even though so little of his groceries get used right now, and only because we literally didn't have the money at the time for our own food, really), and that Mr. Grumpy Chef won't even be able to say that we'd better do what he says because he bought it. If he moves out, we'll be able to cover his portion of the rent (it'll be tight, but we'll be able to do it), and my FIL knows that we'll do whatever's needed.
Despite any problems I've ever had with my FIL, they don't compare to how Mr. Grumpy Chef views me. For instance, I came into the kitchen the other day, smelled a soup cooking and said, "Wow...that smells wonderful!" I got a grunt in response. When Danny came into the kitchen, though he didn't make a single comment, Mr. Grumpy Chef started telling him what was in the soup! He just won't view me as someone worth talking to, much less talking to nicely. It's something I've never encountered so strongly before, and not something I'll stand for from anyone.
My FIL will work hard to handle any upsets he (my FIL) and I have between us, and really shows that he values our relationship. Mr. Grumpy Chef has no desire at all to even *have* a relationship with me of any sort. In his eyes, I'm someone that is to be shoved around and told what to do, because being a woman, I won't know what to do on my own. (These are things I've heard come directly from his mouth.)
At the end of the day, I let it roll off my back as much as I can, and remind myself that he'll move out eventually (either of his own accord, or being outright asked to leave by my FIL, which he's already starting to suggest). Things are improving in our own life right now (with the pay increase and job hiring), so I know that things will only get better.
So, if I ever mention Mr. Grumpy Chef...that's who that is. LOL!
Hugs, all!!
Rosie*
P.S. My FIL is the one on the lease, both here and at the apartment we'd been in, and back months ago offered Mr. Grumpy Chef the ability to live with him because Mr. Grumpy Chef needed the help (didn't have a job or any money to support himself). My FIL supported him completely when he moved in until he had a job and income again...and him buying the groceries was in paying my FIL back for that. So, it wasn't a thing he did in charity or good heart...it was to pay my FIL back. Just thought that would be worth mentioning.
