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Returning a rescue

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Megamuffinandchip

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I posted a little bit ago about having regrets in getting my second rabbit and this is the follow-up. I of course feel really terrible about having to bring the little guy back, but I feel like he deserves a home where his owner truly loves him. That's not to say I don't find him cute in his own way, and give him all the care and affection I give my other bun. I just feel nothing but ambivalent when I see him and that just doesn't sit well with me. The rescue was not that happy to hear that I wanted to bring him back, which is understandable, I just don't want to be resentful of having to keep him later down the line. That is of course not to say that I won't try and adopt again, I just think it would be better for me to actually meet the rabbit before taking him home in the future (the rescue I got him from just had me pick him up and take him home within 5 minutes of talking to them). Anyway, that's my weird rant, I don't know if anyone else can relate, but this is my reality.
 

Blue eyes

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From what I'm hearing, it sounds like the rescue was a bit unusual. If so, that's a shame.
Did they know that you already had a spayed female and were hoping to bond? I ask this because typically a rescue will require you to bring your rabbit to the rescue so that she can meet potential bondmates. Did this happen?

Also, a rescue shouldn't be trying to adopt out a male that has so recently been neutered precisely because those hormones can interfere with a bond.

It is also the case that a rescue typically will work with you to ensure you find a compatible match for your girl. They shouldn't resent taking a rabbit back that isn't working out. Of course, they should be kept informed with the progress of the bond (or lack) in those early weeks. Did they even offer to do an exchange instead? I've had to exchange potential bondmates on a number of occasions with various rescues but never had a problem.

So either the rescue was behaving abnormally or we're not getting the full picture. You are correct that you should be able to spend more time with a rabbit before making a decision on whether or not to adopt it. However, in the future, if you want to find a bondmate for your girl, then it is imperative that you also bring your rabbit to meet the other rabbits. The decision of which rabbit to get should be based upon which one seems most likely to get along with your rabbit. In other words, it should be up to her (your rabbit).
 

Megamuffinandchip

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I've never gone through the process of getting an animal through an actual rescue before, so I guess I didn't really know what I should or shouldn't have happened? They asked about my setup and I made it very clear that I wanted another rabbit for my baby girl (who has been spayed for over a month). I asked if they thought that any rabbit in particular would be a good fit for a medium sized girl, they told me that the little guy I now have would be a good choice. Everything happened over text and email, since ... Covid, but when I went to come meet him I was just handed him without much chance for me to see if my girl or I had any feelings about the little dude. I kept trying to convince myself that I could make things work, even though I really started to not like him (again, I would never be mean to an animal or not give them love and attention, I just had to fake it for him).

I told them about the qualities that I was having a harder time with, but was just told to give it more time, which is understandable. It just didn't seem to help for me though.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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I hope that clears some things up? I know I could have stuck it out, but at the same time, I want this boy to go to a place where someone absolutely adores him, not just feels meh. He also just doesn't seem like the best fit for my girl either
 

Fuz

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I'm not judging you and I'm sure you had your reasons. But you shouldn't have brought the rabbit home in the first place.
Rabbits are not to be tried and tested. You bring one home, you stick it out and work it out, as you said you could have. Or u don't give the pet a glimpse of a wonderful life only to return them. Very sad indeed.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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I'm not judging you and I'm sure you had your reasons. But you shouldn't have brought the rabbit home in the first place.
Rabbits are not to be tried and tested. You bring one home, you stick it out and work it out, as you said you could have. Or u don't give the pet a glimpse of a wonderful life only to return them. Very sad indeed.
Honestly, you are right. I am making a lot of excuses, I really hate myself right now. It's just... everyday that I try make myself love him and can't I feel like a failure. Everytime her bites me or ignores me I get more and more discouraged. He also just does not seem to get along that well with my Poppy. I'm so sorry guys, I'm an asshole.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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I posted a little bit ago about having regrets in getting my second rabbit and this is the follow-up. I of course feel really terrible about having to bring the little guy back, but I feel like he deserves a home where his owner truly loves him. That's not to say I don't find him cute in his own way, and give him all the care and affection I give my other bun. I just feel nothing but ambivalent when I see him and that just doesn't sit well with me. The rescue was not that happy to hear that I wanted to bring him back, which is understandable, I just don't want to be resentful of having to keep him later down the line. That is of course not to say that I won't try and adopt again, I just think it would be better for me to actually meet the rabbit before taking him home in the future (the rescue I got him from just had me pick him up and take him home within 5 minutes of talking to them). Anyway, that's my weird rant, I don't know if anyone else can relate, but this is my reality.
Also, do you have any recommendations for what to do in my situation where they just gave me the rabbit when I went to the rescue? I am pretty sure I never would have taken him home if I actually had met him before bringing him home. I'm a newbie at adopting, my other rabbit was gotten due to someone not being able to care for her
 

Fuz

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When you got Poppy, you took the time out to bond with her and make her feel safe and loved. Seems you did not choose her either, yet you get on well enough and love her.
You needed (or need, I don't know if you still have him) to make the same effort, perhaps a little more, with the new little one. I've read your previous thread. It looks to me as if you're expecting perfect behaviour right off the bat here. These are prey animals, they need to learn to trust. He's in a new environment, he's terrified. Of course he will act out and nip and bite. His behaviour is innate, he cannot help it. Each rabbit has a different personality, you cannot expect him to be the same as Poppy.
I'm glad you realise these are all just excuses. It is your responsibility as a parent to be patient, be kind and loving, yet give him space. Show the rabbit he is safe. It may take weeks, maybe months. My Ghost took almost two years.
No parent here is perfect, but everyone tries. Make more effort with bonding, there are several threads on this forum, as well as YouTube videos. Please, if you have him, give him a chance. He will be so scared if he is returned to the rescue.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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Okay guys, I think I'll try and keep him I guess. I think I need to leave this forum though. You all are lovely, but my anxiety is going through the roof here, I really don't want to go back to harmful behaviors on my part. Poppy is my esa and I had so hoped my little boy would bring me just as much peace, but he only makes me sad, but I will try, even if it hurts.
 

Fuz

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I'm sorry if my responses are upsetting you, and obviously I am not forcing you to keep him. I was thinking more of the rabbits well-being. You do what's best for you.
Be safe and all the best.
 
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Megamuffinandchip

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I'm sorry if my responses are upsetting you. I was thinking more of the rabbits well-being. Be safe and all the best.
No, everything you said is right, I'm just the worst. I don't deserve any kindness. I just feel so lost, and it hurts so much.
 

Fuz

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Is there anyone you can talk to at home, or a friend, to help with what you're going through? I hope you find the help you need.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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Is there anyone you can talk to at home, or a friend, to help with what you're going through? I hope you find the help you need.
With everything going on in the world, no. I've lost some really amazing people and everything just is not okay. Sesame was supposed to bring me and my baby girl a thing to help us find comfort and heal, but each day with him makes me feel farther and farther from that goal. Especially after he hurt her, which I was too stupid and slow to stop.
 

Fuz

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I'm really sorry about what you're going through hey. Your feelings are totally valid and I'm sure its tough to be alone in this situation.
Don't leave the forum, there are lots of supportive people here. About Sesame, you do what you feel is best. If you can't give him the patience and effort he needs, and you feel you won't love him, perhaps look at finding him a loving home rather than sending him back to the rescue.
 

Megamuffinandchip

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I'm really sorry about what you're going through hey. Your feelings are totally valid and I'm sure its tough to be alone in this situation.
Don't leave the forum, there are lots of supportive people here. About Sesame, you do what you feel is best. If you can't give him the patience and effort he needs, and you feel you won't love him, perhaps look at finding him a loving home rather than sending him back to the rescue.
I know I'm not the only one going though hard stuff now, plenty of people are doing far worse than me. I am a college student at the moment, and especially with restrictions, no one either seems qualified or able to take him. Plus I did sign a contract saying I would give him back to the shelter if it wasn't a good fit; thankfully he and his foster mom seemed to love each other so much.
 

Catlyn

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@Megamuffinandchip

Please, don't be so negative about yourself. It is true and cannot be helped that when stressed, we tend to play ourselves down and act as if we're worth nothing, as if us being here is just downright horrible. It is not. You just need to get rid of all expectations, give it your truly best try and see if anything improves. Even if slightly, then there's a chance that it will only get better.

It is always the thing that getting a new rabbit (or anyone/thing else) takes time and commitment, more so when more creatures than the one owner is included.

This very summer I lost my first lop boy to a completely preventable AND, in its early stages, curable ailment. Do you think that i felt any good about it? No. I felt the worst i had ever felt in my existence.
Did that stop me from blaming myself? No. It didn't stop me from getting a new boy the same day though. Did the new rabbit give me a hard time? Yes. He gave me so much trouble and distrust that i often wondered why i was even trying.
I didn't feel any good about him, i kept comparing him to the lost guy all the time.
But i still tried to make it work. I still reminded myself of how that new fellow was depending on me. I learned to love and trust him,see him for who HE was, not who i wanted him to be.
And it went so well.
We picked up Lümi for him, as a bondmate. He is so completely different from Storm, resembles the lost lop boy more than i had imagined. Sweet, affectionate, curious. He just needed time to show his true nature.
Please, do not hate yourself. It is not worth it. But truly, if you feel that even after all that, you can't love Sesame, try finding him a new home if the rescue doesn't really feel like taking him back.
Stay strong, we're here for you!
All the best,
Catlyn
 

Fuz

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Okay. I wasn't aware someone will take him in. My apologies, I thought he would go back to the shelter/rescue and wait to be adopted again. Animals get very confused and scared in this situation, and its very sad.
Be strong, I hope things get easier for you.
 

JBun

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What you decide to do is your choice. Nobody else's. No one on here knows you, knows your life, knows your struggles and difficulties, so they can't truly see what is going to be the best thing for you. This is a forum and everyone on here is just stating an opinion. And that's all it is, an opinion. Not what you should do, not what's the right thing for you. Set the guilt aside, you have nothing to feel guilty about, and there's nothing you should be beating yourself up over. This is the normal process in finding a potential companion for a single bun. Except for the not being able to pick the potential bunny companion. Normally you should have a say as to which bun you want to bring home.

The fact that you weren't able to actually choose which bun seemed the best fit for you, as well as being the right fit for your girl bun, makes it a more difficult situation, and one there is no reason for you to feel bad about. You got him to be able to be a companion for your bun, and if that bond isn't working then the situation can't and shouldn't be forced. That's part of the reason to go to a shelter or rescue in the first place when trying to find a companion for your rabbit. So that you will be able to make the right match.

If he's not feeling like the right match, see what other buns they have that could be. If you aren't sure yet, then no harm in giving it a few more weeks. But one thing, I would suggest is trying a different approach for you. Don't worry about trying to make a connection with him, that's not so important right now. Just do the essential care, and keep your energy focused on finding out whether or not he can be a good companion for your girl. But it can take some patience at the start. Keep in mind that a bit of chasing, humping, and nipping(but not actual fighting) can all be a normal part of the bonding process and is not at all a reflection of what their final bond can end up being. It's a normal part of rabbits sorting out hierarchy. Once that gets all sorted out, you could have two buns that end up totally adoring each other. And if that happens, I think then you could learn to love him too.

But if the bonding process isn't going well and they don't seem the right fit, then it's a kindness to return him so that your bun can find a companion she is happy with, and that he can also go to a home and possibly be bonded to a bun he will adore and be happy with as well.
 

Toffee and Valentina

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It's a hard time, socially, physically, mentally. We're all doing the best we can including you. Here's a big hug for you 🤗 The rescue should have set up a speed dating session for you and your bun. (I'm taking my female speed dating tomorrow). You are new to this but they aren't. Sounds like you have really made the effort. I wish you all the best.
 

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Expectations and comparisons are hard! It’s difficult to integrate another pet and it often takes time. Way more than you want. My most recent cat, Josie- I know, not a rabbit- took two years for her to warm up to us. We meaning two other cats, three dogs and one Marlow. Josie -
Finally- decided that she wants attention and to be petted and is fine. I let her be. Approached her, and if she wasn’t happy about it, didn’t force it. I almost gave up on her and thought about giving her to my sister in-law because it was years. It took her that long to feel safe maybe. It’s up to you if you want to put time in. And my rescue rabbit - Marlow- does not like to be cuddled or held but he lets me pet him and hangs out by my feet. it's enough for him so it's enough for me.
 

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