6:15 pm, China time. RIP Qingqing.
In the end, I didn't have to make the decision.
I went to the vet at lunchtime. He wanted to keep fighting. She had only lost .02 kilos, so I thought I would give it another day or two before I asked about it again and would try to get her to eat more and have some Nutrical.
I went directly to my 2:30 class from the vet's and my students took Qingqing home. They sent me a text message at 3 saying that she had been eating some vegetables. They left to study. I got home at 4:45 and saw that she was lying in the cage, which was unusual. She wouldn't take a green bean, and didn't whine when I petted her. I thought she just wanted to be left alone, after a stressful time at the vet's.
At 5:30 I checked on her again, Nutrical in hand. As I was trying to get her out of the cage, I realized that she had little control of her muscles. Once outside the cage, she was unable to stand up. Her feet splayed out from under her. I started crying immediately, knowing that she was dying. I've never seen anyone or anything die, but I just knew that this was the end for her. She was too thin to continue on. I picked her up and cradled her, while I sent text messages to students that I knew loved Qingqing. She just lay in my arms, not moving, not making any sounds. Her pupils were dilated. Students started coming right away. I held her and cried, then I let three seniors who were closest to her hold her. As the third one was holding her, she let out several sounds of distress and straightened her front legs and was still. Eight girls and I cried again. Four or so minutes later, we noticed that her mouth had moved a little. We stopped petting her and noticed that her stomach was moving very slightly. She was still breathing, but barely. The girls hoped for a revival, but it was not to come. At some point in the next five minutes she stopped breathing. We don't know when, because we were busy petting her and showing her our love.
We buried her behind the soccer field and track. I wanted her to be buried at school, where I live, but not somewhere I would see every day. The track is a couple hundred meters from where I live. I can go to the corner where we buried her whenever I want to. I also like the idea of her being there, because I can imagine her running gleefully around the track, like big Bunny 500's. She never actually did this, as she was afraid of being outside, but it's nice to imagine her this way. I decided against having a necrospy (sp?) done, since she had died at home. I had considering having one done if she had died in the vet's office. I felt it was best to bury her right away, for closure for me and the students present. They borrowed a shovel from a maintanence worker and we walked in the dark to the far corner of the track. Several other students joined us, as the news spread. Some dug a hole while others prepared a cardboard box I had. I wrote "Qingqing, beloved pet rabbit of Nancy Buswell, English teacher, Dec. 10, 2007" on one side of the box, and a student wrote the same thing in Chinese on the other side. We buried her with some of my old clothes and towels around her. It seemed like the right thing to do. Plus in Chinese traditional thinking, she'll need some clothes to keep her warm in the afterlife! Her burial spot is out of the way, but we covered it with leaves anyway and were able to drag an old pole over it, making sure that no one would accidentally step on her unmarked grave. I thanked the students for coming and gave good-bye hugs, then they went on to study or relax and I came home to inform friends by text message and email that my beloved rabbit had passed away.
I am sad, of course, but I knew it was coming. I cried this morning when I realized that it was time for her to go, cried at the vet's when he was examining her frail body and still suggesting that we keep fighting, and cried tonight before, during and after her death. I'll recover in a few days, but I'll probably be looking around the apartment for her for a long time. It'll be so quiet here. It's amazing to me how fast she went. And I am thankful for that. I don't think that she was suffering at the end. I saw no signs of it, like tooth-grinding. I think her thin body just wore out, ran out of steam. (Without the necrospy, I'll never know for sure why she died. I'm assuming it had to do with the lump on her jaw. Maybe that made her immune system weak, unable to fight off whatever caused her two wounds.) Now I have the good memories of her life with me and my students and friends, and I can imagine her out on the track chasing after joggers and on the football field running around the legs of the boys playing soccer. Maybe she'll even bite the toes of boyfriends and girlfriends looking for privacy in that dark corner of the recreation area!
I loved Qingqing, and I'm so happy that she was part of my life for a little more than 2 1/2 years.
Nancy
Xi'an, China
December 10, 2007
where an inappropriate and painful method was administered to my poor boy.
