Off Topic:

[MyBabyBunnies]

Bobalop wrote:

Telling a load of old bunny people might make you feel better but it really does not solve didly squat!
Bob

[line]


I take offence to that, I'm 16, hardly old at all! And I congratulateher on having the courage to bring it up to someone! I've never had thecourage to?bring things up to?anyone, and sometimes, an internet friendis better than any. She was not looking for the answer, she was lookingfor advice she could follow through with that she had not thought ofyet! I go to friends for advice, why can't she go to this board foradvice? Most of us are understanding and have been there once in ourlife, we were all young once! I agree with Carolyn, you could have atleast showed your compassion for the tough time she's going through,but then again, maybe a few of us just understand these things a littlebit better.

 

[Carolyn]

Dear Laura,

And you have courage too my friend. It's important for people to know that others have been through where they are.

Thank you.

I applaud you.

* * * * * * * * * *

FOR THE RECORD: She did not ask for help from anyone here.

Blame Me for that.


-Carolyn

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

You are not going to get in trouble by anyone for making light of thesituation. Isn't that one of the best things to do? Making things seemworse than they are is not really very good, and it's not like you aretrying to cover it up, you know what's gone on and that you don'tdeserve it so there is no problem in making the best out of thesituation. I wish you luck in the coming school year.

 

[dreamgal042]

I BLAME CAROLYN!!! for...for....global warming?

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

dreamgal042 wrote:

I BLAME CAROLYN!!! for...for....global warming?

lol!

[align=center]*****************************************[/align]
[align=left]And just to point out, I'm positive that more than oneperson on this board has been through the same. She had the courage tocome straight out and say that Carolyn was talking about her, whichmany of us probably don't have the courage to do! Carolyn took on the'mother' figure and was trying to help?a dear friend when all I thinkthat she wanted, was someone to let the steam off with. Bullying istough both mentally and physically and around high school is when mostpeople snap with it. I think we all need to try to help her as much aswe can![/align]

 

[pamnock]

It can be a huge weight lifted off one's shoulders just to have someone to confide in and to validate your feelings.?

My husband is the youth leader for teenagers at his church.? Most ofthe teenagers come from broken families, poverty and abuse, and many ofthese youth act out physically.? He had to take on kid down to theground to restrain him by twisting his arm -- never got mad, just didit very matter-of-factly.? My husband reads the Bible daily and triesto life his live as God intended.? I asked his advice based on hisexperience, and he says to give this kid a good "kick where it counts"next time he lays a hand on you.? It should only take once to let himknow that the game is now over. Guess I don't have to tell you that hetakes great offense to anyone laying their hand on a woman -- big nono.? A palm shoved into his nose is also very painful.? Hey, a girlcan't always control her reflexes you know ? I'm not certain thathitting back is the best answer, but it is the best I can do rightnow.? My husband was also tomented as a youth, and it stopped when hewhipped the heck out of the bullies and gave them all bloody noses.?Although the Bible says to turn the other cheek and forgive, you dohave the right to defend yourself against attack.

Pam

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

Carolyn wrote:

I knew that there were people on this board that could offersome support, a viewpoint, or something they've learned in theirschooling or profession. And I was right.

As I said to Bobalop, when you're going through a hard time, sometimesthe only way the grief or pain eases up is knowing that there arepeople who love you and are pulling for you.

-Carolyn

I'm with Carolyn whole heartedly on this one!

 

[pamnock]

dreamgal042 wrote:

?

There are many youth who suffer mental and physical abuse at school orat home.? Perhaps this thread has let others know that they are notalone.? If so, it has certainly served a good purpose.

Pam

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

pamnock wrote:

There are many youth who suffer mental and physical abuse atschool or at home. Perhaps this thread has let others knowthat they are not alone. If so, it has certainly served agood purpose.

Pam

I agree with Pam there! As I've said to a few people already, the bestcomfort is in talking to people who share your pain. This stuff happensall the time yet it goes unnoticed as people hide it or are afraid tosay things.It helps a lot to know there is more people outthere that have been through the same and that you are not alone.

 

[Pepper]

I would turn this boy in to the police.If that doesn't work,then maybeyou should go to another school or the school should send this boy toanother school or better yet kick him out.When,I was in high schoolthey kicked me out for missing to many days of school.If they can kickme out of school for that,then he should for sure be kicked out.Thisboy needs to learn how to respect other people and not be a jerk.

 

[Sarah]

O.K.gang???

Dreamgal We'reproud of you.

 

[pamnock]

I've seen young ladies "torment" my boys physically and with tonguelashings --?my boys?know better than to retaliate physically and everlay a hand on a young lady.? By the same token those "young ladies"should also show respect towards the young men.

?

Pam

 

[Buck Jones]

pamnock wrote:

...Hey, a girl can't always control her reflexes you know? I'm not certain that hitting back is the best answer, but it is thebest I can do right now.? My husband was also tomented as a youth, andit stopped when he whipped the heck out of the bullies and gave themall bloody noses.? Although the Bible says to turn the other cheek andforgive, you do have the right to defend yourself against attack.

Pam

I am of the mind that turning the other cheek only has an impact whenyou have the capability to do great harm, but CHOOSE not to exerciseit, and the other party knows that, but that's my opinion.

As a former high school teacher, I have seen my share of bullies. Ifthis incident is a one-off, only occurred, you think, because you allwere goofing around and you took his hat; I'd let it go and not getinvolved with him in any physical manner. If it is recurrent, and yourfriends are not supporting you, remove yourself from that circle ofpeople because they are not your friends. If you can talk to your Dadabout it, do so, and see what he thinks about it. Schools often areunable to do very much, other than talk, until a serious incidentoccurs, and then it is do late.

Whenever, I saw someone being tormented in the school cafeteria duringcafeteria duty assignments, I would approach him(was usually boys,then) and say that IF a fight were to break out, and IF he was gettingthe worst of it, I would be on top of them both, immediately. On theother hand, IF he was meting out any punishment on the bully(ies), whythen, it would take me a bit longer to get around to breaking itup. In either event, he would serve notice upon thebully(ies) that he was no longer an easy mark. I also said I wouldsupport him as much as I was able to in dealing with theadministration, and I did.

Our son was tormented by a bully in a private parochial school.We provided karate lessons in order to boost his confidence,and that only served to increase the bully's intensity. I told our sonhe would have to fight the bully and that even if he lost, the bullywould no longer want to pay the physical price of picking on him. Inthe seventh grade, the bully challenged him to an after school, offschool grounds, show down.

I told my son, that he had to go. I also told him I'd be a block away,out of sight, and if he was winning, I'd do nothing. If he was loosing,I'd intercede and break it up. Karate not withstanding, my son wastaking a beating. I arrived and tried to give him some verbalinstructions. He got some shots in, but ended up beneath the bullygetting pummeled. I asked him if he wanted to quit and he said, yes, soI pulled the bully off and praised my son for standing up for himself.Later, in view of what transpired, I thought that ,perhaps, my adviceand interference were not in my son's best interest.

Next day in school, my son was the hero! You would have thought he wonthe fight, because he was the first to stand up to the bully. No onequestioned how I was able to arrive "just" in the nick of time and endthe battle, and more importantly, no one feared the bully anymore.Children from all grade levels actually jeered him. He ran to the nunsin charge to complain and they simply ignored him, for they, too,understood what had taken place. The bully's grip on the school wasbroken forevermore.

I hesitate to advise such an action in this case because I don't knowhow serious the situation is. I will say, though, that sometimes onehas to make a bully pay a price for physically assaulting one's self;and, should that time occur, go at it with full force and maniacalspeed and try not to let up until someone in authority breaks it up.

Problem today, with zero tolerance for violence policies in place, onemay find themselves suspended for defending oneself. Those kinds ofdecisions are hard to make and might best be left to discussion withone's parents, if that is possible.

We live in unusual times where the tail wags the dog, and the perpetrator seems to have more rights than the victim.

Buck

 

[Carolyn]

Thanks Folks,

I have gotten some great advice on books to read, websites to visit,and ideas to share with my niece as she is closing in on her teenageyears within the next few years.

She does her best to avoid the bullies in her school now. It'sheartbreaking when you see a child hurt by such harmful and unnecessaryabuse.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I edited this post.


-Carolyn

 

[Bobalop]

Half of me accepts that it is great to have this extended family tospout off to and to reach out to but some things need to be recognisedas very serious problems and steered in the right direction.

Excuse me for pointing out that that list is great for talking aboutrabbit issues but is perhaps not so good when issues such as bullyingand suicide raise thier ugly head. I have been there as a child and nowas a parent. I really do not want to see anyone else screwed up by whatis actually quite a complex issue.

However it is your list, I really do hope that I am wrong and she gets to smile for once in a while!!

Bob

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

I have children 23-19-18-17-and 7...My place isthe one that is usually lined with teenagers cars. My cellphone is the one with 100 teenagers cell phone numbers. Mycamp is the one at the lake that feeds 3 dozen kids. My husband and Iare the ones they call if they drink at a party and need a ridehome.My point is, I understand kids. And just so I don'tstart anything I don't have whacked out kids either. They are goodkids. Varsity soccer, football, cheer leading, honor roll, aMarine......My two cents worth...ALWAYS cover your butt. Youneed to document what is happening so that it can be used ifnecessary. This isn't to say you have to personally tellsomeone. You can type a letter, or a series of letters, with dates anddetails, and mail a copy to the police and to the principal. Attach aletter explaining that you are documenting what is happening that youare afraid to give your name at this point. When you feelstronger, do so. For that matter when you feel stronger senda copy of all of it to your abuser. Choose carefully whatadults you confide in. A lot of them don't understand the waythe world of teenagers work. Years ago a boy was harassing mydaughter. One night he called several times saying nasty things to her.I picked up the phone at the same time she did and overheard what hesaid. When he took a breath I said "Don't you dare hang up this phoneyou little punk. I heard every word you just said. I know who you are.I know where you live and I know your parents. Don't you ever even lookat my daughter again." And he didn't. You can't play nicewith people like the guy who is harassing you. get a pocket recorderand click it on every time he is near you. If you have a cell phone setyour shortcut button so that you can call someone with one button (evenif it's your own voicemail) and let him be heard bullying you. If youor a friend has a camera phone of a digital camera, take photos withouthim knowing it. That's easy to do. You can turn this thing around in aheartbeat. I could go on and on but if you want to talk moreor go more in depth why don't you send me a private message, okay?

There are a lot of people here who will listen and help you figure thisout. You will just have to figure out what advice fits yourstyle and feels right to you. We will stick with you untilit's a done deal!

Raspberry

 

[Bobalop]

now that was a good post and very good advice!

 

[Carolyn]

After discussing the matter with the person at hand, I have edited this thread to not include her name or circumstance.

I've gotten rid of the nonsense as well.

Thank you all for helping out.

-Carolyn

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

Bobalop wrote:

Half of me accepts that it is great to have this extendedfamily to spout off to and to reach out to but some things need to berecognised as very serious problems and steered in the right direction.

Excuse me for pointing out that that list is great for talking aboutrabbit issues but is perhaps not so good when issues such as bullyingand suicide raise thier ugly head. I have been there as a child and nowas a parent. I really do not want to see anyone else screwed up by whatis actually quite a complex issue.

However it is your list, I really do hope that I am wrong and she gets to smile for once in a while!!

Bob

I think the reason she came to Carolyn with this issue showsthatshe trusts Carolyn. Carolyn obviously felt that thisboard could tastefully help her out. I think anyone has any right topost about these issues if done so with taste. It is a sensitive issue,but we're all aware of it, and it's much better to talk it out ratherthan let it sit and bubble. I'm not trying to bring this up much but Ijust wanted to state that 1/3 of suicides are sudden decisions thatonly last for a certain short time. The longer you can keep someonetalking, actually could prevent it. On another note, this board has avery strong family feeling and if you need to confide in anyone, whynot confide in people here? I don't see you complaining when peoplepost other off topic posts. This may be a rabbit board, but we talkabout everything. We can't ignore subjects like this when it so oftencomes up.

 

[Elf Mommy]

Perhaps the threadshould be locked as well. She knows she has people she can email andsend private messages to if need be. Let the nonsensedesist.