O/T Engagement

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cirrustwi wrote:
I think I may be the one big naysayer here. I haveto say that I think that at 18 the majority of people have no idea whatthey want for their lives. I just turned 27 and I don't evenremember what I wanted at 18, but I know it wasn't even close to what Iwant now. Shawn and I have been together for 3 years and areready to get engaged and married, but we weren't even a year ago, notbecause I questioned our relationship at all, but because we still hadgrowing to do.

When I was in college, I dated the same person for 3 1/2years. Everyone thought we would get married. Hismother made us promise not to make any decisions before we were 25,because she said we wouldn't even know who we were untilthen. I have to say, had we moved forward with anything then,it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I look atour relationship now and think WOW! What in the world was Idoing? I changed so much during our relationship andsince. I started dating Shawn when I was 23 and I am adifferent person since then, but we have grown together, so itworks. But I really don't think I knew what I wanted fromlife until I was 25 and I know some 25 year olds who still don't know.

I'm not trying to say that you haven't met the person for you, but ifhe really is the person for you, then he will still be there, waitingto be engaged and marry you, when you are older and have gone throughschool and had more time to mature and grow together. I'malso not trying to say that marriages don't work when people are reallyyoung when they get married. My parents were 20 and 21 whenthey go married and they lived the till death do we part portion oftheir vows.

This is strictly your decision and I believe that it's a very personalone. Whatever you decide, good luck and I wish you all thebest.

Jen
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(coming into this post kinda late... sowwy!)

I think you have gotten many great replies for both sides of yourdecision. But I have to agree with Jen's post more thananything when she wrote:

I'm not trying to say that you haven't met the person for you, butif he really is the person for you, then he will still be there,waiting to be engaged and marry you, when you are older and have gonethrough school and had more time to mature and growtogether.

I met my current bf when I was 18 and we dated throughout college,growing together, maturing together but still able to give each otherthe space for individual growth. I have been with himfor8 years and we are planning to get engaged (eek!can you believe it Ann??! ssshhh! don't wanna jinxit though!), but just as Jen said, if you are meant to marry the personat 18, he/she will be there at 25and evenif its nota steady relationship all those years, you will be able to find eachother again if the fates allow.

May I ask one question? What is your reasoning for getting married?

(really think about it for a while before you answer yourself)

If your answer is to "live together", then I just wanted to expressthat (JMO) that living together before marriage is a personalchoice. I have lived with my bf for 4 years now... and I haveno doubts that I want to marry him. We have survived livingtogether, knowing all the quirks, and sharing financialresponsibilities. The experience has given me a greatunderstanding of what married life can be too.

I still have many things I want to accomplish in my life. Iplan to attend vet school next year and he plans to attend gradschool. At 26 I am still learning what I want to do with mylife, but I feel that I know more than I did at 18 to make all theimportant decisions now.

In the end, the decision is yours. Best of luck ... ((HUGS))


PS - what does O/T mean?
 
cirrustwi wrote:
I think I may be the one big naysayer here.

I'm not trying to say that you haven't met the person for you, but ifhe really is the person for you, then he will still be there, waitingto be engaged and marry you, when you are older and have gone throughschool and had more time to mature and grow together. I'malso not trying to say that marriages don't work when people are reallyyoung when they get married. My parents were 20 and 21 whenthey go married and they lived the till death do we part portion oftheir vows.

This is strictly your decision and I believe that it's a very personalone. Whatever you decide, good luck and I wish you all thebest.

Jen
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I am with Jen as well. Speaking from personal experience -

I met my husband in school. We were friends from age 15. We decided wewere a couple when I was 19. I knew he was great for me.

When I was 20, we got engaged.But over the nextcouple of years we went through A LOT of rocky times. I mean, A LOT. Webroke our engagement before a year passed.

We grew up and learned so much about compromise and respect and trust.Four years later, we were looking back together and we saw just howdifferent we were then.

I am 25 now and our one year anniversary is tomorrow. I TRUELY believethat had we been married too soon, we would have definately divorced,and going through that would likely have been too much. If we divorcedI don't think we would be together today.

We lived together for almost 6 years before we had learned enough abouteachother to know we could do it forever. I am old fashionedin many ways, but I do believe that there is something to be said forliving together before you commit. Marriage is still sacred -and hopefully you only plan to do it once. But you will never learn thethings that will define your relationship if you live togetherfor 7 days here and there.
 
I phoned him up last night and asked him what hethought about it. We are going to have a long talk about it when hecomes over Sunday. But he did say yes otherwise. I am sopleased, but Im not sure what my parents are going to think about it.

It really feels like he is the one. I couldnt imagine life without him.

And even if it doesnt work out, we can always get un-engaged lol. But hopefully it wont end.

I was talking to my friend about it today and she got engaged at 19 andit only lasted 2 months. She said she really regrets itbecause everybody uses it against her. And saying she was tooyoung to know.

But really you only live once so why not give it a shot?

Thannk you all for your help and opinions. I realise now that you should really just follow your own heart. :D


 
Im not going to say your too young,i got marriedat 19. we are still married over twenty years later.No matter how muchyou love each other marraige is not easy.make sure you discuss all thebig issues while you are engaged.How many children you both want,whatreligion they are being brought up as.how chores are going to bedivided.whether or not you are going to work while you are raising yourkids.how will they be disiplined. money is the biggest reason peoplefight.i do agree get your education first.bluebird
 
Thankyou! We are planning on having a realy longengagment because we both have to finish college first, and atleastlive with each other for 2 years. So we arent going to rush intoanything.

I appreciate everybodys replies and have read everybodys thinking aboutall of them carefully. I have listened to you all.

We are going to have a long talk first, and then I will get back to you all with the news!
 
Ok News!

I asked him the big question (reallyHE should of!) on the29th December. We bought our rings yesterday so its official:D

He told his parents last night so there is no looking back now lol. They were strangely over the moon about it.

I just have to tell my parents now and im wetting myself!:?Help! I dont know how to tell them. I dont think they willbe mad about it, probually the same as his parents. But im still scaredto tell them.
 
Linz_1987 wrote:
I just have to tell my parents now and im wetting myself!:?Help! I dont know how to tell them. I dont think they willbe mad about it, probually the same as his parents. But im still scaredto tell them.
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Congrats! You could always do what I did- I told my parentsover the phone. Hi Mom, schools going fine, my brother'sstill alive (he never calls her), and I'm engaged. Yes, youheard me right. No, we're not planning a date yet.Now sit down and breathe a little.

And James' parents didn't know for like two months. Wefinally called and told them because we were going there for Easter andpreferred to have his mom get franticly (sp?)excited while weweren't there. LOL!

 
I'm just now seeing this thread and I want to say "Congratulations".

I was a month away from my 19th birthday when Art & I gotmarried. At 18 & 20, we thought we "knew it all"...haha. He was the only man I ever dated (and is the only man Iever kissed). Yes...I do come from a conservative background!

Anyway - it will be 27 years this August. We didn't know whowe were then or who we wanted to be....but we grew together and grew uptogether. One thing we had going for us (besides our mutualfaith) is the fact that we were willing to support each other inwhatever we wanted to try. We're still that way...which ishow I got into rabbits...he knew with an empty nest, I needed someoneto nurture...and he helps me with them too.

My point is- it is possible to get engaged or married young and growtogether. I think the fact that you've been dating for awhile is a good thing. Art & I met in September of 78and married 8/9/79....yes..that was sort of fast.

Anyway - CONGRATULATIONS!

Peg
 
When I met my husband back on October 20th of2000 we dated for 3 months and on Christmas eve he popped the question.Ours was right quick. But I knew that he was the one andsodid his parents. His mom was thrilled and excited tofinally have at least one child do right by his parents. My parentskept saying that it is just a promise ring and you will leave him.Ummmmmm not we will be married for 4 years on april 27th adn beentogether for alomst 6 years
 
:colors:I know I advised on waitingbut I am very excited for you! You are the only one that can tell whatis right for you, and with all the input I know you made an informeddecision.

I don't know if you will experience the same thing over there, buthere, over and over we kept on hearing people talking negatively aboutmarriage (all of them middle aged guys, BTW :?) "what did you go anddo that for?" "Bye bye happiness..." "Now she'll stop puttingout..." you name it, We've heard it.

All I can say to all that garbage is DON'T LISTEN to that junk. Yourmarriage is all about what you make it. It takes effort and compromisefrom both. And with effort, compromise, communication AND TRUST, it isso incredibly rewarding! Be happy, tell him you love him as often as itoccurs to you, and thank him for being there for you. That's my(abridged) recipe for harmony, and it has worked for me for 7 years (1married).

:elephant::bunnydance::elephant::bunnydance::elephant::bunnydance::elephant:
 
Aww thankyou all! You are all so sweet and tell the cutest stories! :D

I am hoping it will go alright, infact I know it will butI am just scared to tell them.I dont know why.

He really feels like the one. He has been my first ever boyfriend for 6 yrs this year! And we also have grown up together.

We had a bit of trouble with Ians ring, as his knuckles are too big,but once it gets past the knuckle it fits perfectly. The women in theshop insisted that it was fine, but trying to get it off wasa night mare and made his finger turn blue! So he has to take it backto the shop and get the next size up. We agreed that it would b ourvalentines presents from each other, and we are only getting a card.

My ring cost double as what his cost me. I feel really bad :(lol

Oh well, off to work now. Might tell my mum when she is taking me in the car :p Just hope she doesnt crash it! lol




 
Do you have pictures of the rings? I loveengagement rings and wedding sets! You should post a picture of the twoof you together! We want to see the happy couple. :cool:
 
bluebird wrote:
Im not going to say your too young,i got married at 19. weare still married over twenty years later.No matter how much you loveeach other marraige is not easy.make sure you discuss all the bigissues while you are engaged.How many children you both want,whatreligion they are being brought up as.how chores are going to bedivided.whether or not you are going to work while you are raising yourkids.how will they be disiplined. money is the biggest reason peoplefight.i do agree get your education first.bluebird
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You know, we actually did discuss who will wash dishes, what religionwe will follow and how many kids we will have, but when we got married,everything was completely different from what we discussed. Not bad, wejust had different problems. I think you can't discuss everything andeven if one person promises to wash dishes, he/she may not do aspromised, lol.


 
Hmmm for some reason my mum wasnt that bothered at all, and went straight on to talking about our next door neighbour getting married next month. I also dont think she has told my dad or sister yet either as they havent said anything.

I suppose they just were really ready for it and knew it would happen soon enough.

Anyway here is a picture of my ring!

ring.jpg


( http://www.hsamuel.co.uk/webstore/detail/R/4457110/N/0/?Ntt=4457110&Ntk=ALL )

And Ian's ring isnt even on the website! :shock:Will have to get a picture soon!

moominlove.gif

 
Hmm I was actually thinking...

Who use to watch the Moomins when they was little? I could of sworn them two in the picture were suppose to be brother and sister? lol
 
Linz_1987 wrote:
Ok, well I need some advice from you trusty people!

I am 18 (some people might say 'only' 18) But i have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years. I was 12, so I wouldnt of known any thing about true love back then,But I KNOW I have found the right person for me. I really think he is the only one.

My question is do you think 18 is too young to get engaged? Ofcoursewe would hav a long engagement, But its just the feeling ofgetting engaged and knowing thatyou are meant to be. (you can always break engagement)

Please be honest! I dont care what you think about me lol. Juts please tell me and I will think more about it.
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(also late...)

wow. 12. My husband and i have been together since i was 14.. i thought that was a long time...

That said.. we also got engaged when i was 14. We knew we never wanted to be without one another. Plus, like you said, you can always call off an engagement. My husband and i got married about 3 months after i turned 18 (my dad's first reaction?: "are you pregnant?" :mad: gee thanks). At that time we'd been together for about 3 years. Now we're going on 7 later this year and our 3 year wedding anniversary is the 19th of this month :D.

Just do what you two feel is right for you.We dont have to live your lives, you do.

 
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