I'm so sorry...

[NZminilops]

ec wrote:

NZminilops wrote:

While I think that our pets are very precious etc etc, I also think our boyfriends/husbands are as well . If you're living with someone you need to take their feelings about things into account. Obviously not to the point where they dictate your life, but there needs to be compromise.

Just like we may wish they listen to us about how we want and love our pets, they also wish we'd listen to them when they tell us they've had enough and 'no more pets', it can be stressful of someone who isn't keen on something to be surrounded by it.

Good points, although I have seen a *lot* of posts on various rabbit boards where people who have relationships with abusive/controlling (etc.) people end up being threatened with "it's either the rabbits or me"

Isn't it just as bad to say "sorry it's either my pets or you, and I choose my pets"?

My partner is pretty controlling and can be verbally abusive so I do know exactly what you are saying, just sometimes if someone posts that their partner really doesn't want them to get more pets, everyones immediate reaction is to turf the guy out the door. I just don't think that's right is all.

 

[myheart]

I was told today that I neglect my rabbits....

He said, "I will always tell people that rabbits are not destructive. It's because their owners neglect them..." (meaning me in his wonderful round-about way)

I don't always have time to spend individual time with each one of the critters in my household, but like Bo B said, my critters have it much better than any animal in the shelter or in a truly abusive situation.

I wonder if my neglect also includes making dental grind appointment for Patrick and Luna every eight weeks...?

myheart

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Who told you that, myheart?

I hate people who don't have a clue how much we put into our animals mentally, physically and financially - let alone the love we have for them.

Wait....... generally I just hate people PERIOD!

 

[kherrmann3]

ec wrote:

Good points, although I have seen a *lot* of posts on various rabbit boards where people who have relationships with abusive/controlling (etc.) people end up being threatened with "it's either the rabbits or me" - and worse.

Will has tried this in the past, the "it's me or the rabbit" thing. He wound up sitting outside in his Jeep then had to beg to come back in. Will knows that Toby has been around longer than he has, and he has to deal with Toby until he passes away (at a ripe old age!). He was reluctant, if not stubborn, at first. But, I catch Will petting Toby and talking to him when I'm not it the room now. He got used to the idea. I just had to show him who's boss lol

 

[ec]

NZminilops wrote:

ec wrote:

NZminilops wrote:

While I think that our pets are very precious etc etc, I also think our boyfriends/husbands are as well . If you're living with someone you need to take their feelings about things into account. Obviously not to the point where they dictate your life, but there needs to be compromise.

Just like we may wish they listen to us about how we want and love our pets, they also wish we'd listen to them when they tell us they've had enough and 'no more pets', it can be stressful of someone who isn't keen on something to be surrounded by it.

Good points, although I have seen a *lot* of posts on various rabbit boards where people who have relationships with abusive/controlling (etc.) people end up being threatened with "it's either the rabbits or me"

Isn't it just as bad to say "sorry it's either my pets or you, and I choose my pets"?

My partner is pretty controlling and can be verbally abusive so I do know exactly what you are saying, just sometimes if someone posts that their partner really doesn't want them to get more pets, everyones immediate reaction is to turf the guy out the door. I just don't think that's right is all.

this really is a threadjack... but I've had my own experiences with verbally and emotionally abusive people, and... I wouldn't stay. These situations normally tend to get worse and worse. In retrospect, it's hard (in some ways) for me to believe that I put up with so much for so long, and in others, not - because I have a pretty vivid memory of how I viewed things at the time. It took years for me to be able to see the abuse for what it was.

I hope that you and your bf are both getting help.

* Bottom line for me: if a person mistreats an animal (any animal), they will behave in the same way toward other human beings. And vice versa.

** bottom line 2: there's a huge difference between selfishness and doing what's necessary to protect oneself from harm. They are not the same thing.

*** Bottom line 3: If any prospective bf/spouse told me to get rid of Nibbles, or to stop caring about her, or mistreated her in any way, or told me that they weren't able to handle my caring about animals, they could kiss any "prospective" relationship goodbye. (Just my opinion, and one I feel very strongly about.)

 

[myheart]

Bo B Bunny wrote:

Who told you that, myheart?

I hate people who don't have a clue how much we put into our animals mentally, physically and financially - let alone the love we have for them.

Wait....... generally I just hate people PERIOD!

LOL... I hate people also.... We should get together over some ....coffee... ya, some coffee....

myheart

 

[JadeIcing]

NZminilops wrote:

Isn't it just as bad to say "sorry it's either my pets or you, and I choose my pets"?

I won't touch the rest because I have very strong feelings on it.

This I will. I have a very firm attitude on that little bit there. Try and make me choose you loose. Sorry if a significant other or friend or whatever really cares they don't make you choose.

I think that it is different from adding more to those who are already there.

So lets say they say you can not get another when the one you have passes? Is that fair?

Now back on topic. How long have you had Floof.

 

[kherrmann3]

Bo B Bunny wrote:

I hate people who don't have a clue how much we put into our animals mentally, physically and financially - let alone the love we have for them.

Wait....... generally I just hate people PERIOD!

I hate people too. I don't like talking to people who stare at me when I say that I have a house rabbit. They look at me like I have a herd of cows crapping in my apartment. I also hate retarded customer-service people. Oh, also people who have obnoxious kids. I had a stupid mom and her little-junior-son-of-a-*beep* behind me in line at the store the other day, and stupid little junior kept smacking my heels with the cart, and mom did NOTHING.

This is why I have pets...

 

[undergunfire]

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I am sorry you are feeling this way . Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough time in the day for most of my pets. My rabbits have very large cages, but sometimes I feel bad for them because I don't always get to spend a ton of time with them.

This is why I am trying to bond two of my males (ugh, not easy) and Ryan & I are going to search for a mate for Morgan (my 3 year old who is CRAVING another bunny) in a few months. Once my rat boys pass on, I am taking a break from rats....so I will have more time with the bunnies because the rats are extremely high maintenance...more so than my dog!


Anyway, like I said, I haven't read through the whole thread...but could you let Floof out to play while you are getting ready for work and when you are home cooking dinner or relaxing for a bit before going to bed?

If you feel it in your heart that you should rehome her, then you need to do what you feel is right. Maybe there really is a die hard bunny lover near you who would love to take Floof? If I was closer or had plane ticket money....I'd snatch her up!



:hug:

 

[Bo B Bunny]

myheart wrote:

Bo B Bunny wrote:

Who told you that, myheart?

I hate people who don't have a clue how much we put into our animals mentally, physically and financially - let alone the love we have for them.

Wait....... generally I just hate people PERIOD!

LOL... I hate people also.... We should get together over some ....coffee... ya, some coffee....

myheart

:toastingbuns

 

[BlueFrog]

May I join in on the NotCoffee meeting? I hate people too!

As for the OP, here's my (possibly skewed from rescue background) take.

If you provide:

• Fresh water
• Nutritious food
• Clean cage
• Adequate space
• Veterinary care as needed
• Some playtime
• Affection

... then in the scheme of things, Floof is an absolutely, remarkably lucky bunny.

No matter how well anyone does at providing for their animal's needs, there is always going to be someone who does, or appears to do, a better job. Manyof us who care deeply about our animalshear aboutthese people, and then live in a state of guilt that our own animals don't live as well. I have even, on rare occasion, seen magnificently cared for animals turned into Chicago Ridge because their guilt-ridden owner is convinced that the shelter is going to find one of these nearly mythical "better homes" for their pet.

In reality, we eachdo the best we can, and as long as the items on the checklist are covered, 99% of the time the animal is better off stayingwhere it is, in a safe, loving environment withsomeone who cares enough to worry about whether they're doing right by their animal. That's true of any species, but moreso with buns than almost any other critter.

Keep Floof. Love Floof. If you can find ways to improve her happiness, by all means, do them. But please, don't be one of those who lives in guilt over providing "only" good, not perfect, conditions.

 

[Raspberry82]

LOL.. Kherrmann you give me a good chuckle sometimes in your rantish posts :biggrin2:. That drives me up the wall, too.

VERY well said, BlueFrog!!

How is everything going with you and your bf and Floof?

Relationships do require compromise. But- everyone has uncompromiseable dealbreakers. For me these are: children, my bunnies, love, respect, and trust. These have to be ok or the relationship cannot survive.

I personally totally understand when someone needs limits on pets that their spouse owns when it is a high number.. and this should be worked out between the individuals with what can be agreed to make both happy.

In this situation she only owns 2?, so I don't see the big problem.

Travis wants to get a huge Italian Mastif dog in the future.. these suckers are enormous. And I'm not so thrilled about huge dogs, but I will compromise on this for him so long as he takes care of it because it is something he REALLY wants (and they have kid/baby-safe temperaments) .

This is his home as well. And I'd want him to talk to me first before bringing home a bunch of gigantic dogs!!

If the partner is completely oppressive and unyielding to any of their partners needs, and completely unwilling to compromise in a reasonable situation.. that's a different story.. :?

 

[kherrmann3]

BlueFrog wrote:

Keep Floof. Love Floof. If you can find ways to improve her happiness, by all means, do them. But please, don't be one of those who lives in guilt over providing "only" good, not perfect, conditions.

Very well said! I feel that Toby was an extremely lucky bunny even when I hardly let him out of his cage (he did get out, just not like now). He has never been sick, he always got head pets, occasional snuggles, always had fresh food/water and a clean litter pan. That is much better than a lot of rabbits get. If you provide them with food/water, a clean litter pan, security, something to play with, and a little love, they are the most fortunate rabbits in the world. Don't compare yourself to others. That's like looking in an interior design magazine and comparing it to your home. Most people's houses would make an interior designer cry if they walked in. Next time you think of how "badly" Floof is being treated, look on Petfinder. Half of those animals were in horrible conditions. Floof is living the life right now!

 

[Flashy]

How are you Cove? Has any of this helped?

 

[Bo B Bunny]

I know it's so hard when you get so busy. I hope we didn't hurt your feelings with what we have told you - I think we just try very hard to be honest and truly give help where we can.

I've been thinking of you and really hope things work out :hug:

 

[Cove]

I’ve only had her since late October. He says he likes Floof, I often see him taking her out of her cage just to hold her on his lap while he’s playing on the computer until she hops off back into her cage (which even with the top open so she can have free roam during my two days off she hardly ever leaves on her own will). He says he likes her but he’d like her more if she wasn’t living here.



He hasn’t brought it up anymore, I did put a post on craigslist just to say I did. But even if I do get someone interested in her I’m not sure I could ever give her up even with me feeling so guilty about keeping her and not being able to give her the attention I think she deserves. There has been one person who emailed me interested in her but I chased them off. –sly smile- I really don’t want to loose her, but I firmly believe she deserves more then I am giving her right now and want some peace in the house with the boyfriend and myself. He wants the house back down to two animals, the dog has been moved into my parents for variety of reasons none having to do with him though it has made him happier. Two of the kittens will be adopted as soon as they are healthy again and the third kitten I’ve planned on keeping he doesn’t want unless we keep it as a perm. Foster. His main worry about everything is money, animals cost money, you can’t budget animals like you can budget food and the like and I think that drives him batty.



Its less then perfect right now, and I won’t get into it here on the bunny board but lets just say our relationship is on thin ice and has been since he said “I don’t even know if I love you anymore”.



So for now Floof is staying here, I really want to make it work, I’ve been leaving her cage door open so she can come and go when she wants and am wondering if I should do that when I’m at work as well since the boyfriend is at home all day. She’s never chewed on anything besides paper, she has an odd love over paper for some reason. I’d love to get her an ex pen of some sort but right now money is an issue with him getting benched from work and my car troubles. Plus she’s a pig about her bathroom usage and more often then not goes where ever she wants which isn’t a good thing as we rent and have white carpet. I don't need him blasting me for any stains she makes on the carpet.

 

[JadeIcing]

Cove wrote:

Its less then perfect right now, and I won’t get into it here on the bunny board but lets just say our relationship is on thin ice and has been since he said “I don’t even know if I love you anymore”.

If this is where you guys are at. I don't know. PM box is open if you need to talk.

 

[kherrmann3]

Cove wrote:

Plus she’s a pig about her bathroom usage and more often then not goes where ever she wants which isn’t a good thing as we rent and have white carpet. I don't need him blasting me for any stains she makes on the carpet.

Is she spayed? I can't remember, but if she's not spayed, that would explain the piggy litter box habits. Berry-Boo was like that, but since the night we got her back after being spayed, she is almost religious about using her litter box. It was a complete 180* change.

 

[Cove]

I was told by her former owners that she was spayed. I have no idea if it is true or not I'm just going by their word and hoping they wouldn't lie to me about it.

And thanks Jade.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

:hug: Pm'd you.