I'm so sorry...

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Cove

Cove

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
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Location
, Ontario, Canada
With work I'm doing 40+ hours not counting the hours drive to work and home, I sometimes don't get home until 8:00 at night. By the time I get home I'm dead tired and go to bed as I wake up early to get to work(5:00am).

Poor Floof is spending far more time in her cage then outside of it. It's not fair, she sits in that corner of the living room hardly getting any attention because I'm either working or sleeping, save for the two days I'm off. The boyfriend doesn't put forth much energy into giving her attention because he didn't want her in the first place and therefore refuses to give her attention or help me with caring for her while I'm at work.

I hate to think of it but rehoming her might be the best option. I adore her, love her to bits but hate myself for not being able to give her the attention and exercise she needs and keeping her because I don't want to let her go. I don't want to be selfish and have told myself I have to think about her and not about me.

I don't know what to do, I know rehoming is probably the fair thing to do, but I don't want her to end up in another bad home, or being passed around again and again (something else I hate myself for, she's had three homes already at 3 years old, thats not fair to her either). I'm so confused I just want to do her right. :cry2
 
There are times when ours don't get out as much and they are fine. You could also think about getting her a mate :)
 
The boyfriend won't stand for me getting another rabbit, he's still going on about having her in the house. If I brought home another animal he'd kill me.
 
Sorry if you didn't like my reply but I feel if they boyfriend or significant other doesn't like pets than their is no place in my life for them. I'd sooner keep an innocent pet than a human who doesn't have feelings for my pets. you can always get another boyfriend down the line.

susan:)
 
I wasn't offended by your reply Susan.

He does like animals, he was raised with over 40 cats but due to that and playing second fiddle to the cats often he fears I'll turn into his mom and end up having an unhealthy amount of animals and he'll be bottom of the totem pole again, have his things peed on, covered in hair, pooped on and so on. If he didn't care he would have gave up his cat when he found out it had diabetes. I'm not giving him excuses, I don't like that he's punishing me (in a way) for something his mother did but he does like animals just not as much as I do and doesn't want anymore then two or three in the house.
 
You know, my hubby and I had a talk before we got married and I told him we would always have animals. I had a cat and "you have to like the cat or we don't work" and he loved the cat and was good to that cat!

Now hubby has Diesel and I'd not ever think he would have liked a cat "on his own" but he's really loved a couple of them we've had. He LOVES the dog we got and he "really didn't want" - at almost 7 years old, she's still his "Puppy"......

He has a few issues with how many animals we have and the "pet sheep" he doesn't understand, the horse that his dad owns but we have and take care of ..... well that bothers him for a lot of reasons but that's more about family than the horse and he's good to her. He went and fed them without me asking this morning.

My point? If I thought he wouldn't like or be really bad about animals..... I wouldn't have married him.

He complained with almost each one I think..... and he still gives me the "bunnies should be outside" thing..... but it's more of a joke between us ..... he also will sneeze and he'll say "It's those rabbits!" and the same if the dog sneezes! LOL!

Now, if the b/f is more important than the bunny - I understand that's your feelings, but personally, I know that I was miserable without a pet in the house. I also know that pets need attention but sometimes it's just not possible and my pets have a better home than they might have had if they weren't with me! Bo's ok with being in his cage without getting out for a day..... who cares? he's happy, he's fed, he's got toys, he has tv (yes he loves tv and so does Clover) and his window to look out. He gets petted every day and talked to .....

I've even caught my hubby talking to them when he doesn't know I'm listening......
 
WOW! I just read this after I posted...... that's bad - 40 cats? did they have like all of them in the house? I couldn't handle that many either.

I think you need to just accept you cannot be everything to everyone and do your best and make sure the bunny is fed, watered, safe, and has enough room to move around well in her cage. THEN play with her as much as you can.

Cove wrote:
I wasn't offended by your reply Susan.

He does like animals, he was raised with over 40 cats but due to that and playing second fiddle to the cats often he fears I'll turn into his mom and end up having an unhealthy amount of animals and he'll be bottom of the totem pole again, have his things peed on, covered in hair, pooped on and so on. If he didn't care he would have gave up his cat when he found out it had diabetes. I'm not giving him excuses, I don't like that he's punishing me (in a way) for something his mother did but he does like animals just not as much as I do and doesn't want anymore then two or three in the house.
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I really think that if you could ask Floof, she'd choose to stay with you. She wouldn't even understand why you would ask the question. To her, it's quite obvious that imperfect as you may be you are HERS!!!! And, with you is where she wants to be. It's very possible that Floof will live another 8+ years. What are the chances that your boyfriend will still be around in 9 years? (rhetorical question for consideration, not for posting an answer to)

Maybe you can enlarge her cage to give her more room, but even if you can't, she'd rather be in the cage knowing that you will come home to her than shuffled to another place.

I'm not trying to put a guilt trip on you. Please read this with in a "caring, concerned" tone of voice, because that's how I'm writing it. It's a tough situation you're in, but Floof wants to stay with you.
 
I have to agree with everyone, Cove. I totally get where your boyfriend is coming from, but still.. he should be able to trust you enough to know that extremeness wouldn't happen and also love you enough to understand that Floof means a great deal to you and all you need right now is a little help with her.

When my bf moved in with me, he understood soon after we met that Max meant the world to me and he had to love Max too or we wouldn't work, lol. It took Travis awhile to get to know Max and see what a great, sweet personality he has and how much fun he is to have around. Now they are inseperable!!

I think maybe you should have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and tell him how much she means to you. Let him get to know Floof better so he can participate in Floof liking him too. Ask him if he could help out a little with just letting her out to play for short times or feeding, etc. If she's a sweetie, she'll be hard to resist not liking! I mean, if he's going to be the man you want to build a future and life with, he'll have to learn to trust you one of these days and not fear that you'll be like his mom with animals everywhere or make him #2 in your life!

If he loves you enough, I would hope he would want what is really important to you! And it sounds like Floof is very important to you.

I've owned Max for almost 4 years now. About 6 months after I got him I found out I had a ailment and had to travel all over seeing doctors, so Max was stuck in his cage a lot then. But I always had time to at least hold him in my arms and snuggle for a while each day and tell him how much I love him, and loving them I think is the most important aside from basic care :D. Time passed and he now gets lots of out time. I came close to considering giving him a new home back then and looking back, I know without any doubt I would have really really regretted doing that.

I just know that you'll miss Floof a lot and things may not always be this crazy in your life and you might wish you'd kept her when your schedule is less full.

I also mean this just in a "caring, concerned" way.. I don't mean to make you feel bad in any way about your decision. :)
 
Just thinking practically: Is there any way you could get a dog ex-pen and set up an area for Floof to play in? I have an ex-pen attached to my bun's cage, so that she can be out and about when I'm out of the house and/or sleeping. She has plenty of room to play, and toys, etc. When she has supervised free run time, she often chooses to spend a lot of it in her "area."

So maybe there are some ways for you to create a bit more space for Floof (fences can be folded up and put away, after all), and be able to have her stay with you....

Sometimes these kinds of situations require creative thinking and sharing ideas with others. I know that I've gotten great ideas (practical, too) about rabbit care, living setups and more from others, on this board and others like it.

Hope this helps,
e.
 
Even though you may feel Floof isn't getting enough attention, she is still being fed, housed and cared for. I also work 40 hours a week and commute 120 miles each day (another 2 1/2 hours a day). I get up at 4:00 a.m. to clean and feed my own two bunnies and my two fosters (three separate pen areas). In the evening I have three separate playtimes. All of the rabbits have large pen areas - my two are in a 5' x 8' pen, Virgil has a 48" x 48", and Snowball has a 24" x 48" - so they have plenty of room to play during the day.

Do the rabbits get enough personal attention - probably not. Are they in a better place - most definately.
 
I think of the ones in the shelters and I want to cry cause some of them have never had the love most of ours get daily!

Knowing that someone is going to feed, water and at least say "hi bunner!" is more than many get.
 
My boyfriend crabs about the animals all the time, too. But, then he'll have his good days when he is in a better mood. Some days, it's "**** rabbits", other days, he has Berry-Boo out and on his lap while he's chatting to people on the computer. Think of what Floof would want. Is it fair that she has no say in the matter? What has she done to offend the boyfriend?

I went through this not-to-long ago... I felt bad with Toby being inside his cage all day, so I bunny-proofed my room without Will knowing about it and I slowly let Toby have free-reign in the bedroom. I am home all day, so I could watch him and make sure everything is OK. I am looking for a job, and once I get one, I know that Toby will be OK hopping around the bedroom. He can look out of the window, lay in the sunlight, binky around the bed, and go back in his cage if he wants to. Will was mortified when I left Toby out all day. If I am taking care of Toby and cleaning up after him, then Will has no say as to whether or not Toby goes. He is MY rabbit. Will just has to suck it up.

This is probably going to sound harsh, but, if your boyfriend cares about you enough, Floof should be able to stay. (He loves you, and Floof is part of you). :) Good luck!
 
kherrmann3 wrote:
This is probably going to sound harsh, but, if your boyfriend cares about you enough, Floof should be able to stay. (He loves you, and Floof is part of you). :) Good luck!
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I could not have said it better. My husband knows that alot of my happiness lies in my animals. In the work I do for the rescue. So he doesn't stop me from doing it. Than he again he knows if he told me no. Well lets not go there. :biggrin2:
 
While I think that our pets are very precious etc etc, I also think our boyfriends/husbands are as well ;). If you're living with someone you need to take their feelings about things into account. Obviously not to the point where they dictate your life, but there needs to be compromise.

Just like we may wish they listen to us about how we want and love our pets, they also wish we'd listen to them when they tell us they've had enough and 'no more pets', it can be stressful of someone who isn't keen on something to be surrounded by it.
 
Buy a dog ex-pen, or make one out of NICs.

I am a student, who goes to university all week long, and does homework all night long until bedtime, plus 45 minute bus rides to and from school. There is no spare time whatsoever. I sit on the couch and do my homework, and rub bunny heads if they come up and see me. They roam under the couch and in their area. I leave Slatey out all day, bc I can trust him to stay put. Evie and Stuart get to play at night while I am working, but within earshot so I can hear when they touch the baseboards.

I do not believe that Floof would be better off elsewhere. I believe that you can build a small exercise pen, and she will get to stretch her legs throughout the day. Do your nightly thing (TV, vid game, whatever) beside her, and give her attention then.No one has the time to babysit bunnies all day, but we can give them space to run :)
 
My husband totally understands my love for rescue work. In fact, he really loves the foster buns too. He is getting a little frustrated with our set up, and I agree that it is not the best. We have Virgil in a pen in our home office and Snowballin a pen in our guest room.

If it was just me, I'd leave things the way they are. But, in order to compromise we are going to redo the Florida room. We are going to give the Florida room furniture to charity (we haven't sat out there for 3 years) and put Snowball and Virgil out there. I have two nice roomy hutches picked out (at a cost of $300 :shock:). We are also going to purchase an air handler to control fur.

He does love the buns and supports what I am doing, so I am content with the plan.
 
NZminilops wrote:
While I think that our pets are very precious etc etc, I also think our boyfriends/husbands are as well ;). If you're living with someone you need to take their feelings about things into account. Obviously not to the point where they dictate your life, but there needs to be compromise.

Just like we may wish they listen to us about how we want and love our pets, they also wish we'd listen to them when they tell us they've had enough and 'no more pets', it can be stressful of someone who isn't keen on something to be surrounded by it.
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Good points, although I have seen a *lot* of posts on various rabbit boards where people who have relationships with abusive/controlling (etc.) people end up being threatened with "it's either the rabbits or me" - and worse. There's a big difference between needing to talk through things versus dealing with someone who is trying to manipulate and control by limiting contact with loved pets, demanding that they be gotten rid of (and harming the pets in order to get to the person who loves them, which does happen).

My guess is that posts about these kinds of situations (abusive and controlling partner/spouse) show up on dog, cat, horse, guinea pig, hedgehog (etc. etc. etc.) discussion forums just as much as they do on bun sites.

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