My husband and I have experienced thissame thing over and over again within our own family. Amazing isn'tit?
I'm so with you on this Bo. My kids haveknown all along that I will back them all the way as long as they arebeing honest and truthful with me. I've had some knock-down-drag-outfights with some teachers (sorry Buck) that thought they walked onwater. In the end the administration sided with my child and I.Teachers are not infallible. And as for the respect issue. It isn'tjust an automatic thing. Respect hasto be earned. But Iexpect my children to treat others as they would want to be treateduntil it's indicated otherwise!My children are taught as I was; that you respect yourelders, but I have added the conditions upon which they deserverespect. Someone who treats them poorly is not "respected"but is not mistreated either. They are to be decent and justignore that person or be civil. If the person is actuallymistreating them.... that person will have to deal with theirMOTHER!Whodoesn't take kindly to adults being mean to kids. LOL!
Anyhow, I believe that there is a need to make children behave, but Ialso believe there is a need for them to haverespect aspeople.
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Obviously, I cannot comment upon the particulars of either situation,not being familiar with the circumstances, but I will say that I usedto tell my wife to "chill" out when the children came home with "warstories" about their teacher(s). I suggested she take whatthey related to her and cut it in half, and maybe, just maybe, thatwould approximate the reality of the situation. It is notthat our children were liars, they weren't and aren't to this day; it'sjust that young people tend to see the world through self-centeredperspectives and minor slights can be perceived as majorvendettas. By cutting the "story" in half I believe a morerealistic assessment of the situation was arrived at and I saved hermany unneccessary or ill conceived trips to school all in ahuff.RaspberrySwirlwrote:
...I've had someknock-down-drag-out fights with some teachers (sorry Buck) that thoughtthey walked on water. In the end the administration sided with my childand I. Teachers are not infallible. And as for the respect issue. Itisn't just an automatic thing. Respect hasto be earned. But Iexpect my children to treat others as they would want to be treateduntil it's indicated otherwise!
Raspberry
You know, Ihave my kids in Private (Catholic) School and ...I have been throughthe teacher ordeal many times.... including just this Thursday!!!!!UGH! They expect so much out of these kids, they make themfollow rigid and sometimes ridiculous rules,but then theycan't follow the rules themselves! How can we expect our children torespect something or someone like that? (No offense to theteachers here, I am just not happy with ours at the moment
Itruly wish my children had been given the opportunity to learn fromyou. My take on it is this, teachers are a piece of the puzzle. Animportant piece but just a piece. It takes family, neighbors, coaches,teachers, Friends and church, all in a combined effort with parents tomold a well rounded child. Weakness in any one area will eventuallyshow through somehow and have to be strengthened either by the parentor by the child later in life as life situations begin to arise andshow where those strengths would be beneficial or even crucial forsuccess. The thing of it is, not all of those experiences will be goodones, nor should they be in order to learn from them. That's what makespeople strong, different and resourceful. When working through problemswith coaches, teachers, or neighborsand ourchildrencomplained that "they aren't nice" or "they aren'tfair", we've often told them they need to learn how to deal with thatnow. We've explained that for the rest of their lives they will dealwith people, bosses, authority figures, neighbors, whomever, thataren't nice and aren't fair. Best to learn patience and tolerancenow. As I saidearlier, I believe it takes a number of things to form a well roundedchild. In my own experience I did a disservice to my children by notinvolving them enough in a church family. We are Christians and we area spiritual family, but we are not involved in a church. As my kidshave gotten older and have lost some friends and family to death, haslife issues of their own, and begun to evolve into the adults they willbe,I am finding myself wishing more and more that I wouldhave given them that foundation. I had a personal issue with God (Heand I have since settled it ) But I should have made sure my childrenattended church. My point is this. I've built a strong foundation formy children. I've worked hard and I think I have goodprinciplesin child rearing, but it only takes one weaklinkfor a chain to break. I can see already thatIdid a disservice to mychildren in this area. Being a parentis tough......You gotta cover ALL the bases. Butmaking newparents understand that doesn't necessarily mean always eat yourveggies, or never play more than an hour of video games, isn't what'simportant every day all the time. Am I making sense here?
Absolutely! No matter how hard we try, we are apt to come up short in some manner because we are not perfect.
Wow Buck, that is SO Big! We had parallelexperiences....I sure wish I had all the money I spent on therapy backin my pocket. I put myself through hell and back looking for answers. Ididn't find them until after my Mom died, which I will always regret.But I think it was meant to be. Right after she died I found myselfsmothering in grief because I hadn't put aside the kind of "problems"you spoke of that I had with Mom. She died suddenly and unexpectedly.In my churning thoughts and while beating myself up emotionally, Irealized that I missed her so much, even though I hadn't really likedwho she was in the last years. Then it dawned on me"I hadbeen so angry at her for not being who I wanted her to be that I didn'tappreciate her for who she was." That was the beginning of my forgivingmy Mom and my healing. I stepped outside of the box and looked back andrealized that as your wise friend showed you, my Mom had done the bestshe knew how. I've since heard a quote through Oprah from Maya AngelouI believe that goes something like "We do the best we know how. When weknow better, we do better." I like that.
Not trying, but nottrying to not have any at the same time. lol I've only told my bestfriend, but not my family yet. Don't want pressure from them to havekids (my dad is all but begging me at this point). You all are myfamily though, and I've been dying to tell someone.
DITTO! You guys are my chosen family!
