Do you think a person is "weak" if they reach out and ask for help?

[Alexah]

I'm not going to go into all the details of my laundry list of issues. It's not all that important. But I felt the need to call my therapist today even though I don't see her for a session until tomorrow. I am not okay today, but that's alright. I reached out - I thought that was the whole point...

I made the mistake of telling my mother (my biological mother not the "mom" I live with) that I was having a hard time and called my therapist for some additional support today. Why'd I tell her? I must be a glutton for punishment and all I ever want is to know someone out there loves and cares about me. But what did I get? I was told how pathetic and weak I am. Plus about a billion other less appropriate names to mention on the board.

Is it a sign of weakness to ask for help? Am I that pitiful? Here I was thinking I was growing...ah well, who cares?

I just needed to vent. No need to respond. Thanks for letting me post this and sorry for being a pain in the rear :?.

 

[michele]

You are deffinatly not weak. When a person is knows when they need help and reach out to someone I think they are brave. I know way to many people who keep everything bottled up which leads to worse stuff.

So hang in there and any time you need to reach out and get help do it. It will make you a stronger person.:hugsquish:

 

[aurora369]

Nope. I think those who can recognize the need for help and ask for it are much stronger than those who don't ask for help. It takes a lot strength to admit you have an issue and need help dealing with it.

Working through issues and changing your life to make a happier, healthier you is very difficult. It takes a lot of work but is worth it in the end because you will be happier in the end.

Keep working, and talk to your therapist whenever you need to. That's what they are there for. Try not to listen to those who give you grief, they are often times very unhappy with themselves and are unable to ask or accept the help they need to make their lives happy.

--Dawn

 

[Little Bay Poo]

I have to make this short because I have to go. I don't have any advice to give, but I wanted to let you know that I've been there and I understand how you feel. My mom is the same way. It took me years to get up the courage to tell my parents that I thought I had some issues with anxiety, and when I finally got up the guts to tell them my mom went berserk. Screaming at me every day as soon as I walked in the door, calling me idiot, weak, no common sense, made the whole thing up to punish HER, etc etc. Wasn't allowed to see a counselor, read a self-help book, or listen to a self-help tape. Her advice was "stop being stupid."

It's really difficult when you are going through something like this, but I've found that you have to try to distance yourself from what your mom says, because it isn't right. That part is really hard because many of us are raised to respect our parents and to think that what they say is right, but this isn't always the case. I hope this made sense, I rushed through the post! :biggrin2:

Anyhow, try not to let what your mom says get to you (I know it's hard) and just know that there are people out there who are supportive of you and do understand. :hug:

 

[Becca]

First of all your not a pain in the rear.

Like someone else said the people who are weak are the people who DON'T ask for help you are definetly not weak.

I think one of the great things about this site is everybody cares and there is always at least one person online in your time of need.

I also think its great that we can post our emotions happy and sad and at least one person has an answer.



To conclude my post you are NOT weak, keep telling yourself that becuase it is only the truth and i am sure you can work through this with the help of your theripist.

 

[Becca]

First of all your not a pain in the rear.

Like someone else said the people who are weak are the people who DON'T ask for help you are definetly not weak.

I think one of the great things about this site is everybody cares and there is always at least one person online in your time of need.

I also think its great that we can post our emotions happy and sad and at least one person has an answer.



To conclude my post you are NOT weak, keep telling yourself that becuase it is only the truth and i am sure you can work through this with the help of your theripist.

 

[Bassetluv]

I agree totally with what has been already said by others; it takes a strong person to reach out to another for help. It's not a sign of weakness, but unfortunately that used to be the belief...and some (actually, probably many) still tend to hold that belief. Took me a long time to work up my courage to go to a psychologist many years ago, to discuss and work through issues I'd had as a child. And if I were to tell my dad that I had seen a psychologist (and that my son went that route also when he needed it), my dad would shake his head and say that psychology is all a crock, as he believes - like your mother - that it's a sign of weakness to seek out help for personal issues. It's what he grew up believing.

I've also found that often people will voice negative comments over something when it either touches close to them personally, and/or they are afraid of it. I suspect you might have touched on an inner fear of your mother's...perhaps she has some inner demons that she doesn't want to face, or admit to having, and your telling her that you reached out to your therapist might have triggered fear in her. Her negative comments to you could be her way of convincing herself that there's nothing wrong with her, that therapists don't help, and that she is strong by not having to do so. So while her negative comments were directed at you, I suspect they had nothing to do with you in actuality.

Oh, and one thing I've learned after all these years...most people have huge laundry lists, many which never get mentioned to others, or even to themselves. A lot of that dirty laundry gets shoved under the bed or in a corner while the rest of their home appears spotless. We all have 'em...but the the people who actually decide to deal with the laundry are the ones who eventually have the least piles.

 

[Wabbitdad12]

Bassetluv wrote:

I agree totally with what has been already said by others; it takes a strong person to reach out to another for help. It's not a sign of weakness, but unfortunately that used to be the belief...and some (actually, probably many) still tend to hold that belief. Took me a long time to work up my courage to go to a psychologist many years ago, to discuss and work through issues I'd had as a child. And if I were to tell my dad that I had seen a psychologist (and that my son went that route also when he needed it), my dad would shake his head and say that psychology is all a crock, as he believes - like your mother - that it's a sign of weakness to seek out help for personal issues. It's what he grew up believing.

I've also found that often people will voice negative comments over something when it either touches close to them personally, and/or they are afraid of it. I suspect you might have touched on an inner fear of your mother's...perhaps she has some inner demons that she doesn't want to face, or admit to having, and your telling her that you reached out to your therapist might have triggered fear in her. Her negative comments to you could be her way of convincing herself that there's nothing wrong with her, that therapists don't help, and that she is strong by not having to do so. So while her negative comments were directed at you, I suspect they had nothing to do with you in actuality.

Oh, and one thing I've learned after all these years...most people have huge laundry lists, many which never get mentioned to others, or even to themselves. A lot of that dirty laundry gets shoved under the bed or in a corner while the rest of their home appears spotless. We all have 'em...but the the people who actually decide to deal with the laundry are the ones who eventually have the least piles.

All I can add to whats been said is DITTO! Don't let anyone ever discourage you from seeing a therapist.

 

[pamnock]

It takes a lot of strength to reach out and ask for help.

Your mother isn't happy with herself - unfortunately, she projects that on to you and demeans you. I hope your therapist can help you to see your way past this.

It's so important to us to be validated by our parents, it can be very difficult (if not devastating) when we don't get that validation.

Pam

 

[Alexah]

I really appreciate all of the kind replies and support. I really do.

I did manage to call my therapist this morning and hope to get a return call at some point today. I'm doing alright, but am having one of those down days and am struggling with some memories popping up. I know it'll just help to talk to someone about them.

I've really been making an effort to work on my issues. I knew things were way off when I acknowledged all that I did to hurt the people on this forum. Since then I've been making an honest effort to be my authentic self and to also work on all the issues that brought me to that place. It's a process and I still have my moments, but I've been genuinely trying and that's something I wasn't willing to do before.

My parents and I are estranged. I have little contact with my mother, father, and two siblings. My father and I have been trying to work some things out, but my mother refuses and she's still with the man that hurt me. But I still try to fight for her affection and her acceptance and that's what I did by calling her today. Someone once told me "you can't get milk from a hardware store." My mother's the store and what I need is the milk. It makes sense and does give me some peace. That and working on all of this (and then some) in therapy is helping me to grow and move past my past and start living in the present and looking to the future.

I really to appreciate the support. I'm glad I decided to post this morning .

 

[MsBinky]

I'm saying this as a general statement, and has totally nothing to do with you Alexah so don't take anything to heart.

I am all for asking help and offering help when the person actually tries, can't manage, and then asks. On thing I cannot stand to see though, is someone not caring and saying "Bah if it doesn't work, so and so is there to help me out."

There is nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help. I have asked for help. However, ok, I know that I hold off before asking for it, I really need to be in need to ask for help. I am hard on myself because I choose to be, because to me, I am an adult now. If I want to be treated as an adult, I need to act like one. The times I find it shameful to ask for helpis when a person has come to expect for someone to "catch themwhen they fall". I really can't stand that at all.

For example, I knew someone who got an appartment and all. But she was depending on a friend to save her every time she financial trouble rather than working on budgeting properly, not spending so much etc. What happens is, if you ask once, get "rescued" so easily, you don't get to see the consequences and you just let it happen again. Unfortunately, those two were close close friends and now the friendship is ruined because that person started abusing of the friendship in order to take the easy way out and never suffer the consequences of her decisions.

It's happened with me personally. Someone offered me money and I refused. I said that's what it is when you have a new appartment and are in that phase of your life. You need to learn to make do with what you have. I rectified my mistakes, watched my spendings, and a few months later everything had stabilized. The difference is now I know, I can run into trouble, but I can also avoid it or get myself out of it without having to run to someone to help me.

To me, a mature person will try. A mature person will realize that s/he is an adult and make decisions that will have a positive impact on his or her life, as well as others. I cannot stand when someone expects to have mommy behind them when they are 29 years oldlets say and well into adultdhood. Sure, you can have support, but there is a difference between asking for help because you really can't manage, and asking for help because you just want someone to rescue you every time you do something wrong. Lol.

You must learn from life. Everyone will make mistakes. Some will fall, some will rise but better to rise than fall. I keep telling myself, if I hadn't fallen all these times, I'd have nothing valuable to offer to anyone else.

I have my best friend with whom I will hang out when I am feeling down and vice versa, but we are each other's "energy booster" but we are not each other's "solution". I know that if I'd really need something, she'd be there, and vice-versa. I know that if she asks, it's because she really needs my help and I wil gladly help where I can.

I just find it to be a question of maturity, responsibility and respect. Anywho, sorry for rambling. It's a sore subject In short, "Help will be given to those who help themselves" is my motto :biggrin2: