This is all so hard, and while this may seem trivial I'll just put it out -
We're going to have to tear Grandmas house down before it falls. (she lives in a mobile home on the property now) One corner is close to the highway and its leaning to that side. If it goes on its own it'll go across the road.
I can't begin to describe how much that hurts me as well. I don't like change when it comes to what I've always considered to be home.
My Grandparents were dirt poor. NEVER were they on any public assistance, but to tell you how it was - the old house is of rock mortor (sp?), the basement a dirt floor. No indoor plumbing (yes, thats how my Mom, Aunt and Uncle grew up).
It tore me up when my Grandpa traded off an old truck he had in the field. It changed the landscape of the only safe, real home I ever felt I had.
At the branch (creek) several years ago the dam went under, leveling the water spillway. That was tragic for me in a sense. So many childhood hours of mine were spent there - as kids we caught copperheads around that water, fished for crawdads and had BB gun wars. Us kids always got in trouble for being so wet at times, tracking through the house.. but we all had our "heroic" moments saving one or another after cracking through bits of ice in the winter down there- hefting someone out and dragging them to the blacksmith shop in order to dry out in front of one of the cast iron wood stoves.
Some of my most peaceful times were down at the water. I loved crawling halfway up the concrete support that held the highway overpass. I could sit there for hours...
In 2004 I lost my Grandpa. He was 97 and a half.. to the day. Since that time I haven't stepped foot into some of his buildings, barns or shops. Without him they just have no meaning.
Just before he passed away in 2004 we had a mobile home set upon the property. That was a necessity but again it changed the landscape and I despised it. What was *home* was being changed with time and while I knew logically it had to be done it hurt. A lot.
Now the house itself needs to go for safety and practical purposes. I just can't bear the thought of it. Isn't it stupid, being so sentimental over objects?
Still, it all pales in light of my Grandmas health.
Overall it seems like my entire chidhood is being ripped away from me, piece by piece. Sure, I'm 33 years old and I know (and agree with) the reasons. My heart just can't seem to accept it all.
I'm sorry I'm such a blubberer this evening. I just can't seem to help myself.
Next weekend I'll be down there again. I'll take pictures of the place. I'm sure the house project will start soon as well. We have a lot to move out of the house before it goes but it's going to have to be done soon. We need a controlled topple of the house, not a natural one. I'll get pictures of that as well, as heartbreaking as it will be.
ink iris:
