Headache, indeed...

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littl3red

littl3red

Ashtin - Member
Joined
Jul 11, 2012
Messages
661
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Location
Manhattan, Kansas, USA
I have been talking to my mom off and on about getting another rabbit, but she has a way of beating around the bush when she wants to say no and never actually says it. Unfortunately for her I'm persistent and I usually won't drop it until she gives me a straight answer, which is often yes because she rarely has a real reason for not letting me do things other than it doesn't please her. Anyways...

I emailed the humane society from the next town over about an adorable lionhead, Cricket. I told them that I still had research and such to do, but if I decided I should get another rabbit, I would like to plan a meeting with them and Teddy before I adopted. They basically said no problem.

I told my mom this, saying "I didn't make a commitment, I didn't sign anything, I just wanted to make sure it was okay before I kept searching there." She said "That doesn't make me very happy." "...What?" "The thought of you getting another rabbit doesn't make me very happy." "Okay, why?" "Because that's twice the poop..." "You don't have to clean it up, Mom, you've never had to clean it up. You know I take good care of her." And that made her REALLY mad for some reason. "I have a HEADACHE, I am NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW." And then she went outside.

So... I don't really know what to do. I guess I might just have to wait until I move out. I just wish she would give me, you know, a real reason, instead of avoiding the conversation because she knows the only reason she doesn't want me to get another rabbit is because she doesn't like rabbits, even though they make me extremely happy. Do any of you moms of human children know how I could talk to her? I mean, I understand that she doesn't like rabbits, but she doesn't have to feed Teddy, touch her, clean her cage, or even be in the same room as her. She doesn't pay a cent for her care. So I don't understand how she can say no... Another thing is that her and my dad have taken to calling me an adult when it suits their needs (when I need money, when my sister and I fight, etc.) but treat me like a child when it doesn't. (This situation, going to visit friends, etc. My mom won't let me stay alone at night under normal circumstances... but has left me alone overnight and even sent me off to spend the night at Boyfriend's house when HER boyfriend was coming into town, again, only when it suited HER needs.)

Sorry this has been so long, I didn't mean for it to be this way. I'm just really trying to think about this rationally and think of a way to talk to her, even if the final answer is no. I'm just tired of her not being able to actually discuss when I want something. I'm trying to handle it like an adult; I wish she would too.
 
She may not have specific reasons, but rather the idea of another animal in the house isn't what she wants.That's her prerogative as your mother.

You take care of your rabbit in all respects? If your rabbit got sick or injured and needed vet care would you be able to pay for it?You may just have to accept the fact that you can't get anotherone until you're on your own. Maybe catch your Mom in a good mood andsit her down,plead your case one last time...have an answer for any concerns you know she'll bring up...then ask point blank for a 'yes' or 'no' answer. If she says no, thendrop it. I certainly understand how you feel, but I can understand where she's coming from, too.
 
Yes, I have paid/will pay for any and all veterinary care that Teddy needs. I paid for her spay with my own money and have several hundred dollars put away in case of an emergency. If she actually said "no," I would let it be, but she won't. It's frustrating is all.
 
I agree with the good mood thing. It took me over a month to convince my mom to let me pay for my rabbits spays. I think that if you are paying for everything (food included), the rabbit is in your room, you clean up after the animal(s) right away, there is no smell, etc... then there should be no reason for your mom to say no. Knowing me I would just go and do the date if my mom would not give me a strait answer. I find it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. I can not tell you the number of times that I have come home with a new animal even after my parents have said no. I am always allowed to keep the animal (often times I can not return the animal). I do not pay for much for my animals. If I were you I would wait till my mom was in a really good mood (maybe after a few drinks) and have a sit down and talk. If she starts to avoid the subject snap her back in. I would take a maybe as a yes. If she says no I would just pester her until she says yes. Some times this can take a month or more. Start to do extra things around the house. Prove to heer how much you want this new rabbit.
 
If I should ask her after a few drinks, I guess now would be a good time. :rollseyes And her boyfriend is coming into town tomorrow. I think I'll talk to her tonight. I don't just want to go do the date without permission, I do respect her, she just won't give me a straight answer. But yeah, I'm going to try to talk to her again.
 
Ask her in front of the BF, maybe? Just bring it up casually, like, 'Oh mum, you know that thing we were discussing the other day? I'd like a definite answer' or something. I know how frustrating it can be to not get an answer, but I do know my mum's reasons.

I suspect she's just sad, watching you grow up. Yes, she wants you to be a responsible adult, but would like to keep you young for as long as possible. I'm not a mother, but I sort of vaguely glimpse the conflict.
 
The thing is, if she won't tell you no, then I look at it as a window of opportunity to get her to say yes...but it is VERY irritating to have your kids nag you about something, I know.

I don't likethe idea ofgetting the animal anyway and then asking for forgiveness. Iagree with you that you should respect your Mom and make sure it's okay with her first. My son brought home a dog - after he knewwe didn't want any more dogs in the house (we already had two). I warned him to take it back or find a home for it - he didn't/couldn't - and I took it to the local shelter. Besides being maxed out on pets in the house I knew how "well" he took care of the hamster he had previously.
 
I'm thinking I might wait until my birthday/Christmas and ask her then. I can ask for a new rabbit for my 18th birthday. I think I'd be more likely to get a yes then, and I don't want to wear out the subject right now.
 
ldoerr wrote:
Knowing me I would just go and do the date if my mom would not give me a strait answer. I find it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. I can not tell you the number of times that I have come home with a new animal even after my parents have said no. I am always allowed to keep the animal (often times I can not return the animal).
Click to expand...

^^ That is a bad idea. When my parents said "no" to a rabbit, I respected them because they had a good reason for not letting me get one (and even if they didn't, it's their house and their rules. I truly believe karma will come and get you, and if you ever have kids you won't want them bringing critters home!) I was about to start college, and they didn't want me to be overwhelmed with school and its care.
@littl3red, maybe that's your mom's reason? Aren't you starting school next year? Sometimes they don't understand that these creatures are a form of stress relief and not stress.
Anyway, I respected their decision, and when I moved back home and started at another school, I asked them again and they finally said yes.
Unfortunately, if your mom is so hesitant, you might just want to wait like you said. Birthdays and Christmas are good occasions to bring it up again. If you consistently bug her, it will become a sore subject, and you don't want your new baby to be a sore subject with your mom!
Now that I'm on my own, I wanted another rabbit to keep Cheeto company. I still asked my mom if it was a good idea. She was hesitant again, but I explained to her that I would have more freedom to be out if Cheeto had a friend. Once she agreed I adopted Millie and now going to school isn't a guilt trip for me. Maybe try explaining that to her? It's really nice to have my parent's approval when it comes to the buns. When I stay at their house, the rabbits come with me, and they dote over them like they're their grandchildren. =)
At any rate, good luck. The bonding process is stressful, so I would wait until holiday break or until you have a significant amount of time to dedicate to it anyway. :)
 
if i was in your posison i would tell her you would buy it yourself . save up your money and get a bunny that can be in the same cage as your old one . why not make a pack on typed things about facts you know . add alot of cute picturess . if you do get a new bunny get a HOLLAND LOP!:big wink:
 
I do love holland lops, but I'll only choose from what I can find in rescues/shelters, POSSIBLY breeder culls but I don't want to buy from a breeder or pet store, so I probably won't be getting a purebred bun of any sort. And I only have the say in IF we get another bun; Teddy has ALL the say in which one. ;)

Kari, that is SO true. Teddy gives me the saddest look when I'm headed off to school. :( I hate for her to be lonely. I really don't think she has a reason, she just doesn't like rabbits very much. She won't even touch Teddy. It irks me, because she doesn't WANT to learn anything about rabbits. Every time I try to tell her the wonderful things about them, she just brings up how much they poo, or how she chewed up my A/V Out cord to my PlayStation 3, or how she used to pee on the floor. (Not since she got spayed; now she ONLY pees in the litter box, but she seems oblivious to that fact.) I just wish she would listen to me and get to know what wonderful creatures rabbits really are. It probably is a good idea to wait until I have more time to commit to bonding. A bonded pair would be a lot easier than two separate rabbits.
 
I understand how hard it is when they wont give an answer or when they say no. I am an adult (20 years old), and am very responsible. I have 1 dog, 1 cat and 2 bunnies. I'm living with my parents until I can pay off my student loan. I just finished my nursing course, and got a full time job at the hospital. I didn't want Honey to be lonely while working my 12 hour shifts. So I started researching on bonding rabbits. I asked my mom about getting another bunny, and she flatly refused. Now I do all care of my pets, and pay for EVERYTHING.

Now I respect my mom very much, but I was so passionate and dead set on getting another bunny that I kept researching. And I kept talking to mom about bonding rabbits and how to do it. She kept saying NO. I booked an apointment to get honey spayed so bonding would go more smoothly. I even found a bunny showed mom the pictures then sent a deposit to the breeder. Mom couldn't believe I sent the deposit, but I told her if she didn't want me getting the bunny then I would respect her, but I just sat down and explained to her why I wanted to get another bunny, and why it was important to me. I told her I wouldn't feel comfortable going to work and leaving honey alone for that long. I told her the truth, and i think she respected that. Then she told me that if I wanted to get another bunny she would trust my judgement.

So basically just tell your mom the truth, and if she wont listen to you, then write her a letter, dont be afraid to write your feelings down, she'll respect you for that. Sometimes its easier to write the truth then to say it out loud. Please don't wait til she's having a few drinks like someone suggested you don't want to take advantage of your mother, thats not very respectful. I understand what its like to want something so badly, and when you feel its in the best interest of your pet you'll do anything. I can say I'm glad that I got a second rabbits, and honey is much more happy. So good luck. Please let us know how it goes down.
 
I would never try to get a rabbit without my mom's permission, of course. I do respect her and I will follow her rules while I'm in her house, but for one, she won't listen to a word I say, and respect is kinda give-and-take, and two, she won't give me a straight answer. It's just frustrating that I try to sit her down and talk to her about it like two adults, and she constantly changes the subject like a child. She just pretends it doesn't exist. :grumpy:
 
ive experienced this most of my life as im only 23. i had several animals growing up but it was always like pulling teeth and in a few cases she actually took one of my animals back after we had them for several years quite the heart break and something i still hold a grudge for. (her reasons were never good and it all came down to she doesn't like animals.) after many years i resided myself to not having any animals until i moved out. because of her great dislike of them. (i would say hatred but honestly i dont know why she is agaisnt them she will never give me a straight answer)
obviosuly i have now moved out of my parents house and have many many pets. i love them dearly and i do have some help with them all but honestly it pretty much all falls on me to take care of them. and i do it gladly.

but back to the point at hand. any time i would ask my parents for a pet my father was all for it but my mom was against it eventually my dad would take us to get our pets and convinced my mom it was a good idea. (animals are wonderful and i believe truly enhance life) ive come to the conclusion over the years now that i have my own home and my own pets that my mom probably had her own reasons that she never shared even if they arent what i would call legitimate reasons. she believed that i should concentrate on schooling. that any money i have saved up shouldnt be used on pets but instead on more important things like saving for a car or my own place to live paying off school. if something was chewed on or destroyed (even if it was mine and not hers) it was unacceptable. and she likes to have the house pristine and look like it has never been lived in. (having animals ruins that illusion) even now she complains that i cant go out of town or on a vacation if i want to because of my animals (even though i have friends who gladly would watch them and take care of them happily! for free and i have) she still has problems with my having animals even though i am no longer living with her or dependent on her.

one way i found that talking to my parents works and gets straight answers is talking about it like an adult (which you say you are doing and its her thats being the child) being persistent but not nagging should help its a fine line that can easily be crossed. dont be tricky and do things around the house to be manipulative to get a bunny its really just a way to butter her up. if you are going to do that to truly prove and continue to do it to show that you are more responsible (because im sure any added help around the house will be appreciated) but people know when they are being manipulated.

talking to your parents about things is not always easy and sometimes even stressful. knowing what you want to say and presenting a good argument is always a good starting point, but a parent child relationship is a tenuous one. and some subjects should be approached with caution and open mindednes. it is her right as your mother and as the person who puts a roof over your head to say no for any reason she wants. but if you can prove to her that you can be an adult then there are certain things you can do.

id be sure to let her know that if she is going to insist that you are an adult when it suits her then changing her mind when it doesnt is unfair to you and unfair to her. you said that sometimes you ask her for money and that she says something to the affect of you being an adult and she shouldnt have to give you money. its true if you assume that you are an adult and want to be treated like one you are doing the same thing as she is choosing to be a child by asking her for money when it suits your needs. one thing i found is talking to my mother about writing out a contract that would include my responsibilities as the care giver of the animals and what i would have to do for them and that she would not have to or that she would have to little to none. she felt more secure knowing what it was that she would not have to do. if she avoids the subject then try saying " mom i need you to talk to me like an adult not a child. i would like for you to listen to what i have to say. you dont have to give me a response right now but if you could think about it give it some time and see the benefits for my buns life and the benefits it adds to my life. bunnies are social creatures and are happier with another cage mate. they live happier lives. already teddy has reduced my stress level and has given me a better outlook on life makes me happier every day and it makes me sad to see teddy alone. he has taught me more about being responsible and he is very special to me and allows me to have someone that i can turn to. having two bunnies isnt a huge difference from having one. as they will be bonded they dont need two cages and two separate areas. yes it is more cleaning but i already clean up after teddy and will continue to do all the cleaning for them. you dont have to give me an answer right now but please do give me an answer if you decide no i would like to know what your reasons are. just so that i can understand more"
you can say what ever you like of course but you may have to reside yourself to not getting another bunny until you are out of school on your own get a job. you may want to like you said ask for the bun for your birthday but asking her to consider the option first and maybe showing her and getting her to spend time with the rabbit or teach her what being a rabbit owner is like. just some suggestions.
 
Lauren, that was all very helpful. I don't ask for money just because I need money, only when she's borrowed some or when I need some over the weekend because I haven't got my paycheck in yet (she works at the bank so I usually just give her my paycheck to deposit in my account, just because it's convenient and not really much trouble for her. If I borrow some money from her, she'll usually just give me my paycheck's amount and I'll write my paycheck over to her) but I understand your point completely. My mom is actually more lenient with me having pets than my stepdad was, the most he would let me have were fish.

I think I'm going to have to wait a while before asking for a new bun, Mom's boyfriend broke up with her last night and she's a wreck... I need to focus on making sure SHE'S happy right now.
 
i just tried to give some helpful tips that worked somewhat for me my mom was rather against animals of any and all kinds... even fish.

im sorry your mom's boyfriend broke up with her thats definately not going to help on the bunny band wagon but yeah trying to help her out and make her happy again is a big priority.

i just think teddy is the cutiest thing by the way looks similar to charmmy just smaller and a LOT fluffier ohhh how i wanna snuggle!
 
hahah oh they know they are cute!!!

im not sure id call charmmy a diva shes in a class all her own! demanding little bun she is! but ohhhh gooooooooooooooooosssssshhh i just cant help it even when shes bad shes too cute!!!!
 
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