Well... I was a psychology major... and I took acourse on Adulthood and Aging... and while this definition of thegrieving process was meant for humans... I have found it 'works' withanimal grieving as well.
I remember when Fluff died, I cried for a week, until I buried her inmy strawberry patch. Then I would only cry when somethingreally reminded me of him. After 2 months, I adoptedGuinevere and I know that in a couple of years, I will mourn Guin.. butI have given a wonderful home to this bunny and she has given me so farthree years of love and joy.
[align=center]There are commonstages an individual may experience during grief. Grief is the pain ofnot having the person who is gone. There is no right way or wrong wayto grieve.
In one way or another, we are all affected by death. Losses areinevitable and are ever present in all lives. Death is universal. Griefis universal. We all must cope with bereavement at some stage in ourlives. Even though death can be separated into two categories,long-term illness and sudden death, all death is sudden. The finalityof death brings to those left behind a tremendous amount of emotionalpain. Grief is not something abnormal; rather, it is a normal andinevitable step in our journey through life. Two simple definitions ofgrief are 1) the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change ina familiar pattern or behavior. 2) a normal, natural and painfulemotional reaction to loss. We can grieve not only for the passing of ahuman life, but also for the death of a relationship (divorce) or wecan suffer the same emotional reactions over the loss of a beloved pet.Grieving is difficult because it involved many intense feelings love,sadness, fear, anger, relief, compassion, hate, or happiness to name afew. Not everyone experiences all of these feelings but many in thegrieving process experience several of them at the same time. Thefeelings are intense, disorganizing and can be long lasting. Grievingoften feels has been described as drowning in a sea of painfulemotions.
There are certain stages of grief. 1) Shock Immediately following thedeath of a loved one it is difficult to accept the loss. A feeling ofunreality occurs. During those first days and through any religiousrituals or memorials there is a feeling of being-out-of-touch. 2)Emotional Release the awareness of just how dreadful the loss isaccompanied by intense pangs of grief. In this stage a grievingindividuals sleeps badly and weeps uncontrollably 3) Panic - For sometime a grieving person can feel in the grip of mental instability. Theycan find themselves wandering around aimlessly, forgetting things, andnot being able to finish what they started. Physical symptoms also canappear -- tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest, an emptyfeeling in the stomach, tiredness and fatigue, headaches, migraineheadaches, gastric and bowel upsets. 4) Guilt At this stage anindividual can begin to feel guilty about failures to do enough for thedeceased, guilt over what happened or what didnt happen. 5) Hostility Some individuals feel anger at what caused the loss of the lovedone. 6) Inability to Resume Business-as-Usual Activities - the abilityto concentrate on day-to-day activities may be severely limited. It isimportant to know and recognize that this is a normal phenomenon. Agrieving persons entire being emotional, physical and spiritual, isfocused on the loss that just occurred. Grief is a 100% experience. Noone does it at 50%. 7) Reconciliation of Grief balance in lifereturns little by little, much like healing from a severe physicalwound. There are no set timeframes for healing. Each individual isdifferent. 8) Hope - the sharp, ever present pain of grief will lessenand hope for a continued, yet different life emerges. Plans are madefor the future and the individual is able to move forward in life withgood feelings knowing they will always remember and have memories ofthe loved one.
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Grieving is difficult work. The following are some suggestion to help in navigating the journey through grief.
-Take time. Dont let others rush you into getting over your feelings.
-Dont make major decisions. The time of grief is a time of instability.
-Avoid the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb the painful feelings.
-Cry. Tears are the healthiest expression of grief. Dont try to hold back crying for the sake of others.
-Know that there will be good days and bad days. Pangs of intense griefcan surface during holidays, significant events such as birthdays oranniversaries.
-Remember the loved one often and as much as you need to. Look atphotographs, read old letters and retell your memories to friends andother members of the family.
-Seek people who will understand your need to talk about what happened.Seek out people who will really listen to your remembrances.
-Allow yourself time to heal. Pay attention to your health. Make sureyou are getting enough sleep. Eat a healthy diet. Get outside in thesunshine for exercise or a mild walk.
-Ask for what you need from others. Accept what help they offer. Now is not the time to try to do everything by yourself.
-Seek out grief counseling if you feel you cannot cope alone. Griefcounseling is available through community resources, churches andlicensed therapists. Join a grief support group. Local community paperswill usually have listings. Use the Internet and join an electronicbulletin board dedicated to supporting individuals who have lost lovedones.
-Remember your grief is individual to you. Not everyones grief isidentical to yours. You will share some similarities with others, butgrieving is a very personal and very individual process.
Death like any great wound leaves a scar. It may heal and the pain mayease but the mark is always there. But the memories of the loved oneare always there also. The most important thing to remember is -- thereis no right way or wrong way to grieve. People grieve in their own timeand in their own way. The second most important thing to remember is everything you feel during bereavement is normal. The third mostimportant thing to remember is if you feel you cannot cope with yourloss alone, you dont have to. Seek help. Grief is the pain of nothaving the person who is gone. Through bereavement we learn to livewithout that person and in the words of St. John Chrysostorn, a bishopliving in the fourth century: He whom we love and lose is no longerwhere he was before. He is now wherever we are.
[/align]Written by Gerry Trickle
Copyright 2002 by PageWise, Inc
