Can girls be just friends with guys?

Discussion in 'Let Your Hare Down' started by PepnFluff, Jun 4, 2011.

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  1. Jun 4, 2011 #1

    PepnFluff

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    Ok so a bit of a background to me asking, I'm staying in my town for a year to work before travelling whilst everyone else is at uni etc. And I have 3 friends left here with me, two whom are guys. One of whom is one of my best friends, we hang out, go to the movies, talk etc just how anyone is with their best friends. And no he's not gay haha, his girlfriend who is also my best friend is away for a couple of months.

    Anyway, some people have been telling me recently that I must like him, as It's impossible to be friends without wanting something else and of course we're nothing more than friends yet we get the dirtiest of looks from people who know we're just friends! I'm thinking they just need to grow up, but even some of my best friends are questioning me, like for hecks sake!

    So I'm wanting to know, what do others think? I'm hoping you agree haha.
     
  2. Jun 4, 2011 #2

    Yield

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    FFF. I know how you feel. My friend Will and I were always accused of dating. Always made me mad.

    I've always wondered the same thing (if things would ever change). But I think society is so hell-bent on this.. it won't change for a while sadly :[
     
  3. Jun 4, 2011 #3

    Myia09

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    I am going to offer the other side..my long term boyfriend is BEST friends with 2 girls.

    They would continually do things that IMO where horrible and cross boundaries-I don't care if they where friends for 5 years before me.

    i.e- Change in front of each other. One of the girls would fish for compliments (One time, in front of me, he told her she was beautiful), talk in detail of their sex life, if at a party twice they went to the bathroom and urinated in front of each other, the list goes on and on.

    I think its a respect issue..yes he can be best friends with them, but there needs to be boundaries and respect. It also doesn't help that they don't like me (I swear it isn't because of me...we have very different life values. They were and kinda still are 2 years later on the "OMG I just graduated high school lets drink Smirnoff and gossip" when I am in a very adult stage)

    He also CAN'T put them before me...many a time he canceled DATES, scheduled dates, to hang out with them (I would be there too)

    So my version may be an extreme one...but still drives a point! As long as there are boundaries all an be well.
     
  4. Jun 4, 2011 #4

    plasticbunny

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    In a word - no.

    If a guy and a girl are hanging out as "just friends", at least one side is in denile. I have never been "just friends" with a guy that didn't end up with one of us having feelings for the other. Either I liked them, or they liked me and I could tell andI used it tosmooth overany insicurities I may have had.

    I am 25 and am in a 5 year relationship with a man who is 41. Being with someone of an older generation has forced me to give up a lot of whimsicle thinking, and to look at the world from a harsh and realistic point of view. Bottom line, we are animals by nature, with instincts that can far outlast any logical thinking. And as true as we may want to be to our spouse, we are more inclined to follow our loins than our hearts.

    Your freindship may be the exception to the rule, and if it is, I applaude you. And honestly, if your respective partners are ok with it, screw what anyone else thinks. But do be honest with yourself about your feelings for him, and likewise, be aware of his feelings for you. If the energy changes and you notice romantic tension between you, you may need to question the nature of this relationship.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Jun 4, 2011 #5

    dragynflye

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    most of my friends are male, always have been. most have been casual friendships, but three or four have been much deeper. when i think of the people who are closest to me, the ones i trust with my life, the ones who i know i could call in the middle of the night and who would be there for me unconditionally- all of them are male. we have been friends since high school (13+ years), and have never been more than friends, or have ever desired to be more than friends. none of them are gay, all are in healthy relationships of their own, i have been happily married for nearly nine years. i have become friends with their wives/girlfriends, and they are friends with my husband. they are brothers to me. one of them saved my life. another gave me a place to stay and helped me get back on my feet when i was homeless.

    i think it is ridiculous to say you can't be "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex. if that's the case, i must be a horrible slut, since i can count on one hand the number of female friends i have had in my life, and all but maybe one of those was a superficial, fleeting friendship.
     
  6. Jun 4, 2011 #6

    irishlops

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    Nearly all my friends are guys, and for 9 out of 11, I am not sexually or romanticlly attraked to them. I do get bad looks from their girl friends, but we would both know that there is nothing. Im sorry to hear others dont belive you
     
  7. Jun 4, 2011 #7

    fuzz16

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    I agree...no.

    I have had gay guy friends, that works out, but its a lot harder with straight guy friends. Although, my bff was straight but his gf hated me for a long time-but I had grown up with him and he was like family, more than a friend.

    When you are older, though, and in a long term relationship I think it's different a bit when you are friends with a guy. I know my fiancwe wouldn't tolerate me being friends with certain guys, and I understand and respect his decsiion. I also have a very very good friend (who is his best friend) that I talk to almost daily, and him and I do the girl talk thing. (we've never met, he's stationed in Texas) But I think if he were here in person we would not be so close....
     
  8. Jun 4, 2011 #8

    EileenH

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    20 years ago I would have said yes, but looking back on past friendships with guys, I would have to say that to be on equal footing,my answer is no.

    I have had way more guy friends that girl friends, and nothing happenedwith either of them. Two of my best friends were guys. In one relationship, we were friends for years platonically, then he started to like me but I wasn't interested and then when he lost interest all of a sudden I had feelings for him.
    The other guy I never liked that way but in hindsight, he liked me all along and just kept it to himself. I think back on how hard that must have been for him and how naive I was.


     
  9. Jun 4, 2011 #9

    degrassi

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    I have to say yes. My best friend is a guy, as are 2 of my other closest friends. I've been best friends with my friend Dustin since we were born. He lives 4 houses down from me and we are always together. Its never been romantic, more brother/ sister. We share everything and have keys to each other's houses. Its never really been an issue with his GF or my BF. I hang out all the time with him and his GF. I think they can see its nothing romantic so its never been a problem.

    Another case is my other best friends. It was the 3 of us forever. I met Dean when we were 4 and Jen came in grade 6. We were best friends(along with Dustin) and hung out all the time together all during school(elementary, high school, Uni, now). It was never romantic until one day it was. Jen and Dean started dating in university. They had been good friends since sixth grade and then something changed. It was very weird for my 2 best friends to start dating and then get married.Not sure what changed but it did and you could feel then difference. So that shows another side to it. But I've been friends with Dean for 24 years and its only ever been a friendship.

    I"m also good friends with Frank. I had a crush on him in highschool but at the time he had GF. I"ve been friends with him for 14 years and its only ever been friends, I got over my crush back in highschool. His new GF I could tell was a bit worried at first as we talk or txt all the time and play video games together all the time but she soon realized that it was nothing more then friends. But on the other hand. My friend Vera is also friends with Frank(also since highschool) but their relationship is a more touchy feely friendship, which I think is a bit inappropriate. They are always cuddling, kissing each other goodbye,acting like fake BF/GF etc. Not something I think you should do with a friend that is a guy.

    I think its all in how the girl and guy act together. You can tell when people are just friends or if there is more between them. They have to respect the "friend line" and not cross it. The friends also have to respect the other person's GF/BF. You just have to make sure you dont' have any romantic feelings for him and he doesn't for you. So each case is different. I don't see why people say it can never work. It works if you want it to work.
     
  10. Jun 5, 2011 #10

    Nancy McClelland

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    Both yes and no. From all the other posts there are trade offs or problems you'll encounter, but, only you know what goes on behind your eyes.
     
  11. Jun 5, 2011 #11

    PepnFluff

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    Thanks for all the talk guys, and I'm relieved to see that I'm not the only one out there with close guy friends! Yeah we're more like brother and sister and there well and truely is no feelings there from either side! I do think that friendships like that especially when one is in a relationship that the other does need to know the boundaries and tend to put the boyf/girlf relationship first.

    Another question, how would those in committed relationships take to their partner hanging out with the opposite sex? I can understand some being a bit resentful to the idea, but if you can 100% trust your significant other is it really an issue?
     
  12. Jun 5, 2011 #12

    SnowyShiloh

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    Yes, I think guys and girls can just be friends. I have had many, many friendships with guys that were absolutely nothing more than that. There have been some friendships where I was also interested in the guy or vice versa, but the vast majority were/are completely platonic :) I'm sure there are some people who cannot befriend someone of the opposite sex who they aren't interested in and that makes me kind of sad :(
     
  13. Jun 5, 2011 #13

    JadeIcing

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    I think so. Shoot one of my best guy friends is best friends with my husband now. We have been bestfriends for 10 years now. :) Yes there are things I would never discuss with them but honestly the same things I wouldn't discuss with a girl friend...

    I think it is silly to think guys and girls can't be friends. Honestly I don't like many girls. They annoy the crap out of me.
     
  14. Jun 5, 2011 #14

    PepnFluff

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    SnowyShiloh wrote:
    I know right! Some of my friends honestly have no good guy friends and I yeah sure with some of my girl friends I can go and blob looking like poo, but with so many who are quite superficial you really can't. But with my guy friends I can just be chill and not have the worry about needing to have a gossip etc with, with so many girls theres always an expectation of something? happening I guess and with so many guys they're sweet with watching tv, gaming or something - much easier in my view hah. Also it's always so nice to have the perspective of a guy, who offers things from a completely different view point.
     
  15. Jun 5, 2011 #15

    dragynflye

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    PepnFluff wrote:
    i've been married for almost 10 years. yes, i trust my husband completely. he has female friends. i tease him about his girlfriends, but i also tease him about his boyfriends. if i didn't trust him, i wouldn't have married him, or had a child with him.

    i hear, "i trust him, i just don't trust her" a lot. if you ask me, there is no difference. if you trust your significant other, then why should it matter what the other person feels? if you trust your significant other, you should trust him to do the right thing and tell her no. if you are actually worried that she will convince your partner to do something he shouldn't, then you don't have much faith or trust in him.
     
  16. Jun 6, 2011 #16

    MiniLopHop

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    yes, I think guys and girls can be friends. I think the problem comes in if you are trusting your guy friend with things you wouldn't tell your partner about, that is crossing a line. Emotional infadelity can be much trickier because two people never need touch.

    I think being in marching band desensitised me to the changing in front of the opposite sex. It was never a big deal and we changed on the band bus all the time. In college our uniform was a kilt and the guys didn't always sit properly so you ended up seeing a lot more of them than proper. *shrug* not a big deal.

    I have been married 12 years and my husband also has female friends. I am going to be in a wedding next week for one of them, we became close as well.
     
  17. Jun 6, 2011 #17

    Nancy McClelland

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    A long, long time ago in a land far, far away........we went to my nieces birthday party. We had been married for a year. Some of my sisters friends that I knew since they were 5 years old came over to chat and say "HI!" Nancy latched onto my arm so hard I'm surprised I didn't get a bruise or two. When we got home, and, since I believe in "praise in public and chastise in private, I climbed all over her as it was embarrassing, uncalled for, and inappropriate. We're talking about someone that knew me for three years before we got married and knew that they were classmates of my sister. Something to keep in mind.
     
  18. Jun 7, 2011 #18

    irishbunny

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    Since I went to an all girls secondary school, I have not had much experience with having guys friends yet. Except my friend's BF has become a very good friend of mine. We get on like a house on fire and sometimes he would even come to my house if she was busy doing something at home and have a cup of tea and a chat. It was all fine until he confessed that he had started having feelings for me. It sucked because he had become such a close friend of mine. I'm sure it can work, but you have to be careful and it is horrible when it all comes tumbling down because they have feelings for you after you have become close friends.
     
  19. Jun 20, 2011 #19

    NickZac

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    I am a guy and I have to say both yes and no. I will now offer a different perspective...

    There is almost always sexual tension on one and sometimes both sides. Usually, it is the guy who is romantically attracted to the girl, but the girl doesn't see him in that sense. It eventually hits a point in which this comes out. If your guy friend wants to be with you romantically and you start dating someone else, the relationship can suffer turmoil and emotions can fly. Also, if you start dating someone and they see you hanging with people of the opposite sex, then sexual jealousy often erupts.

    Finally, I want to say this. Perhaps you should consider dating your friends who are guys. More than likely, they are decent people who truly care about you and aren't just in it to get laid. During my life, I have known many girls whom were good friends with some of the most stand-up guys around, yet date some 'bad-boy' piece of crap while breaking the heart of the good guys who want to be with them and liked them for who they are. I am not saying that you, or anyone else here for that matter, do this, but I have seen it first hand. Heck, it's happened to me first hand.

    Despite what many people say, men are far more emotional than women are and they are much more easily heartbroken, although few guys will admit this as they must be 'manly'. Women tend to fall in love later and fall out of love earlier than men. And honestly, being a 'guy friend' and having a girl that you truly care for and want to be with long-term turn you down and then date some loser-dude is very painful, and it even negatively changes how you look at romance and girls in general.
     
  20. Jun 25, 2011 #20

    BlueCamasRabbitry

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    I agree on the yes & no. I think it depends on the people, though.

    I have a couple of guy friends who are just that - friends. Would I date them? Ehh...it depends. Lol. I'd have to develop those feelings for them first, and I just might not ever have those feelings toward them. Another one of my guy friends was just a friend - and then we both started liking eachother. None of my guy friends are gay either. And a couple of them are close enough that I can tell most everything too, just like I can my best girl-friend. ;)

    I've heard the saying that your SO IS your best friend... ;)

    Emily




     

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