Flash's Place

[Flashy]

[align=center]Noddy and Beauty Need a Forever Home.[/align]
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[flash=320,256]http://uk.youtube.com/v/BBWF2uBcT-4[/flash][/align]
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[align=left]This is the first video I made using the footage from when I took down the Christmas Donation.[/align]


[align=left]I went down yesterday and the Manager thanked me profusely for it all. No one had told her but she saw the stuff in the cages and then the rest of the box in the kitchen so found out who it was from. That made my day because when she says thanks she really means it. Also, it made me feel better because earlier on I had been down to the enclosures and the bun's toys had just been piled up, and the domed turned over and flat. Basically the volunteers had just tidied them to allow them to tody the area and not put them out again, which I thought was sad. I mentioned it to the Manager and she said that you have to train people to do that. Maybe now they will be told to spread the toys out. Some of the toys I took in have definitely been well played with already, which is great. [/align]


[align=left]I don't feel particularly good about being on the forum at the mo. So if I'm not around (I may or may not be), that's why (just a warning due to something someone said to me about me disappearing and being worried about that happening). If I'm not around chances are I also won't be on msn either.[/align]

 

[Becca]

I'm just catching up on your blog

Those pictures you took are gorgeous!! I love them!

And that video was precious.... and in NO way was it your fault about Sooty and Coco, I know how hard you work to find bunnies the greatest homes ever and it's heartbreaking when something like that happens. And it is not your fault at all :grumpy:

Poor Hope Sure with your excellent care he will be fine soon!

Becca

 

[JadeIcing]

Flashy wrote:

I'm so gutted. I really let that bun down. I thought the area was secure and it obviously wasn't. I have let down SO MANY buns in the past few years and the whole idea of knowledge was that I wouldn't do that anymore, but really all it did was make me feel confident in my knowledge and unleash me on the world to let down more buns.

I'm so sorry Sooty, I'm so sorry Coco.

Binky free Sooty. I hope it was quick and painless. Coco, I will do my best for you. I'm just so sorry.

You didn't! It is a very hard thing to see EVERY possibble thing that could go wrong. We are not mind readers so we can't tell if a person is lying. No matter how many things we try and make sure are just perfect things can still go wrong. Please don't blame yourself.

Ali

 

[NZminilops]

[align=left]I don't feel particularly good about being on the forum at the mo. So if I'm not around (I may or may not be), that's why (just a warning due to something someone said to me about me disappearing and being worried about that happening). If I'm not around chances are I also won't be on msn either.[/align]

I'm sorry to hear that, I'll miss your postings.

 

[Flashy]

I'm quite worried about Star. He had this watery eye that started at the beginning of the week. On Wednesday I started him on Fucithlamic cream (?)or HOWEVER it's spelt. Today I bathed the eyebecause it is still running, but it is clear, and I seem to have made things worse. It ran even more after that, so I can either only think that a, I irritated it further, or b, if he has something in it, I moved it and it caused more problems.

I have a vague concern that this might be tooth related, but he has not shown any spurs related problems. He eats hay in preference to anything else, including his pellets (which he spreads over the day). He does have slightly smaller poo at the mo, but he often does. Thankfully, despite this runny eye he is very alert and lively, he is still eating and stuffing his face and it does not seem to be bothering him loads, which is something. I'm going to keep bathing it and see what happens.

On a side note, Hope's eye seems to be all better now, so I just have to finish the course of the cream for him.

Lightning excelled himself and sometimes between me giving him water yesterday and me giving it to him today he dumped the contents in his litter tray. HOW? I'm not sure, but that's where the bowl was. He can't have been without water for overly long though because he didn't show any interest in the fresh water when I put it in.

 

[Flashy]

I had a horrible dream about Sweep last night. I'm not going to go into too greater details, but he was with us on holiday, in his run (and where we were on holiday ooked like our garden) and I was filimg somebun else and Sweep disappeared. We seacrhed everywhere but couldn't find him. Later that day I was watching the footage I had filmed and realised Sweep had jumped into the pond. Dad went and fished him out and even after all those hours she was just barely alive. I picked him up and cuddled him and just held him to me. We then went on search for a vet and the holiday vet (this all makes a lot of sense, lol) only worked over summer and so there was no vet and so I just had to hold Sweep until he died. It was not pleasant and took me back to the day he was euthanised. I woke up rememberingh exactly how he felt that day.

 

[polly]

*hugs * trace what a horrible dream

 

[Becca]

Flashy wrote:

I had a horrible dream about Sweep last night. I'm not going to go into too greater details, but he was with us on holiday, in his run (and where we were on holiday ooked like our garden) and I was filimg somebun else and Sweep disappeared. We seacrhed everywhere but couldn't find him. Later that day I was watching the footage I had filmed and realised Sweep had jumped into the pond. Dad went and fished him out and even after all those hours she was just barely alive. I picked him up and cuddled him and just held him to me. We then went on search for a vet and the holiday vet (this all makes a lot of sense, lol) only worked over summer and so there was no vet and so I just had to hold Sweep until he died. It was not pleasant and took me back to the day he was euthanised. I woke up rememberingh exactly how he felt that day.

Awh how horrid Tracy
I hate having horrible dreams about the bunnies... their the worst ones!

*BIG HUGGLE*

Becca x

 

[Flashy]

Most of my buns are trundling on ok with the exception of Star who is struggling, and that's my fault both directly and indirectly. He is still having his eye weeping, so I am bathing it and also giving him the cream which is stressing him out. His eating is slowing and he is prety much ignoring his pellets and stuffing hay and eating banana and basil. His poos are actually a good size. That's how it is directly my fault. Indirectly it's my fault because he is a very sensitive bunny and he picks up on everything I feel, and because I feel so rough right now, that is also affecting him more than anyone else.

I'm about to come up to the worst week of the year and I am petrified. I don't always have control of my actions due to the dissociation and the closer I get to the week the more I am dissociating. I'm losing control and that scares me. My depression is really bad and right now I'm spending a fair amount of time crying.

I have also realised that I am poisonous and evil and so I have cut pretty much everyone out of my life. I can just about write on the forum, but can't deal with PMs, or msn or anything. The only one I can face is Polly because We've always been straight with each other and I trust her to tell me if I'm poisoning her. Having Polly as a friend is like the best present I've had for a long time. I'm so lucky. Sh'es just there, non judgemental, listening to anything I need to say, like last night. And yet she doesn't get scared off, she still wants to talk to me. Very strange, but really nice.

I'm living my life full of anxiety right now too. Fear for Star, fear that something with happen over Christmas to the buns, fear I will lose Sky over Christmas (or at anytime but I just have to block that out), more specifically the 27th, fear that I have made the wrong decision to not have Hope's spurs done, fear that something will happen to Tilly after we stop her injections, fear for me. Actually, panic for me.

I begged my doctor for some sedatives to take to knock me out from the 26th to the 29th Dec, but then I panic that if I take them, what happens if I miss something wrong with the rabbits, that's then another rabbit I have killed, but then if I don't take anything, what happens if I lose control of myself and dissociate, that can be far more severe and then the same problem still arises.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here and wallowing, I'm doing everything I can to keep busy and distract my mind, but the second I stop, it's all back. That's why I donated to the RSPCA, why I do Christmas shopping for everyone else, why I got my hair cut last week, and dyed today, that's why I have decided to get the free trial paint shop pro for over Christmas (to make avatars and stuff), why I have volunteered to make RSPCA videos for their buns. I'm REALLY trying, but failing pretty dramatically.

I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I'm dreading it. He can't do anything that can really help me, I have to do this all alone. I'm fed up of crying, panicking, dissociating, the lot. I'm fed up of fighting. I want to enjoy Christmas again. I desperately do. I want to be able to talk to people again. I want to be ok. It's no surprise Star is affected and stressed right now given how bad I feel. I hate the fact that I can't even look after my buns properly no matter how much I try.

I wish it was January!

 

[NZminilops]

I'm not going to pretend I understand and say fake sounding comforting words, but I'm so happy that you have Polly and that you have her to talk to. I realy am. I wish I had a Polly.

It will be January soon enough, hold on until then Tracy. Days will go by like they always have an always will. I know that when you are depressed and going out of your mind with anxiety, each day feels like a month. The things you are doing to occupy yourself and doing things like trying to feel better about yourself (the hair etc) are good things.

I know you only feel like talking with Polly but you know I am here for you if you need me for anything, even someone to scream or yell at...er, type at angrily...I care about you very much and don't like that you've pushed me away. I can understand why, doesn't mean I like it though. I have never felt that you poisoned me in any way, and unless you sneak over here and put arsenic in my tea, there is no way you could . We are all our pwn person and no one can poison us unless we let them - if we let them, them some part of us must have wanted them too.

Besides, you've got nothing to poison anyone with, you're a warm and wonderful person with her heart in the right place.


Please take care of yourself and know that there is hope, there is a future, bad weeks do go by and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Michelle xxx

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Keep going strong girl! You're doing all the right things. Stay active, stay in contact with ppl you trust. You WILL get through this.

There is a whole year of rabbits to come, buns who need you, and future bunny moms and dads who need your kind words and advice. Stay active, and stay with ppl.

You may need constant distraction right now. I know that I go crazy if left in my own head for too long, so I put on my MP3 player, and listen to music, or listen to the radio constantly. Tune into the CBC, or any talking program about interesting things.

You are going to be OK, Tracy.
BTW, Nate was just suggesting to me you try lithium? I'm sure you already know about it, but he was learning this in psych lately that it can be very helpful.

Thank you so much for all your work with the rabbits Maybe to keep busy, you could go do some feral cat trapping? That's exhausting work :biggrin2:.

Go play on cute overload for awhile maybe?

Keep us updated:hug:

ETA: I'm not making light of how you feel; rather, trying to stay positive in a challanging time for you. I'm glad you have Polly...

 

[JadeIcing]

All I can offer is hugs.

PS Dusk looks like Connor. I think he is the one I need.

 

[TinysMom]

I have no words - I only have this....

:hugsquish:

I miss chatting with you (even though I've not been on MSN much lately).

I will be praying for you - that the week goes by fairly quickly - and that everybun is fine and that you are fine.

My pm box and email are open to you ....

 

[JadeIcing]

Connor sends kisses. He is great at telling when someone needs them.

 

[NZminilops]

If a kiss from Connor can't bring a teeny smile to Tracy then the world is doomed .

Hope you're doing ok T and just remember people do care about you and you are not all alone in the world, I promise.

 

[Flashy]

I can't work out why you're all being so nice, but thank you, it was nice to come back to those nice comments, although it was not so nice to see that Ali has stolen Dawn or Dusk and renamed him Connor :grumpy: The picture is cute though

Took Star to the vets this morning. Charles had a good look in his eye and said that it looks inflamed, but because the other cream has not been working, he has now given me Tiacil to try. That's better because it's only once a day. The twice a day stuff was hard because I had to do it morning (food time) and evening (also food time) which was throwing his appetite due to stress so if it's once a day I can do it at a time when it is not a mealtime. It is also less stressful now he doesn't need to be bathed.

If this doesn't sort it, next plan is a tearduct flush and x-rays. He said that the most common cause of tearduct problems is tooth root problems, and if that's the case, it's only going to get worse. We talked about the different options for what tooth root problems could mean, and basically it would either be manage the condition, or see a specialist to discuss extraction. Sky is the most precious bun I have, but Star and Badger follow pretty close behind. All three of those are very bonded to me in their own way, more than the other 14 we have here.

Charles said we have to give it 7-10 days which takes us straight to Flash's anniversay. This is the worst time for him to get ill because vets are so hard to reach. Knowing that I may have to take him to the vets onFlash's anniversary has triggered all the flashbacks of Flash's death again, followed by panic attacks (completely unrelated but when I'm low all the panic surrounding my sectioning comes back and we had a weird anonymous phonecal this morning for my mum but they wouldn't leave who they were, which is exactly what happened before I was sectioned).

I truly hope this Tiacil helps and sorts the problem. I can't bear the thought of having to face all that right now. I know if it happens I will face it all, because I have to. I think my mind is juts running wild. I just need to try and focus on the Tiacil and nothing further right now.

 

[SOOOSKA]

Tracey i just saw the last bunch of pictures you posted, you have such Beautiful Bunnies. I just LOVE The Dopeys, so cute.

Susan

 

[Flashy]

I spent a large portion of today getting my new avatar ready. It's not going up yet, but here are the pics.

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[/align][align=left]I have just realised Dawn is not square! So I will be fixing him tomorrow. (Dawn is now square) Next comes Polly's avatar.... Once I have her pictures.
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[Becca]

Tracy they look amazing!! I love the colours!!

 

[Flashy]

Happy to make you one if you want Becca