m.e.
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Not only has Lucy had to deal with the loss ofher precious bun Thumper, but just today on the CatForum, two memberslost their precious companions. This poem came up, and I wanted toshare it here:
Choices
by Anne Kolaczyk
February 5, 1998
The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing,chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked likeso much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of thepond's water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work,he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet, and Mommy'simage danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.
"Is something wrong?"
The little orange boy turned around. A lady was standing at the edge ofthe pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The little orange boysighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a mistake," he said."I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the water. It wasstarting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back. "I'mjust a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn'tsupposed to come here yet."
The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boyclimbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked,he started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'mafraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here, and your mommyknows it deep down in her heart." the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And Daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one hadever said anything and he had listened when they thought he wassleeping. All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or howfast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. "Who would choose to cry?"
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made himfeel safe and loved and warm-but he still worried about his mommy. "Letme tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats--Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo andRobin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte andObie.
Dogs too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a lizardnamed Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster namedOdo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:
********************************************
A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the angel to help them.
The angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out thefirst window at all sorts of things-dolls and stuffed animals and carsand toys and sporting events.
"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.
But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge."Things are okay to love," they said, "but they don't care that we lovethem."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked outat all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said."They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.
Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, somejust had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all cameback to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the angel, "but they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."
So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots ofpeople walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you tolove," the angel told them. So the Loving Ones hurried off to findother people to love. "You have chosen Commitment," the angel said.
But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge."People were okay to love," they said, "but sometimes they stoppedloving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you." he said. "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one sideand hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittensand dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The otherLoving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.
But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal EmpathyTrainers," he said, "but there's a problem with their systemoperations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes." the angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want." the Loving Ones said.
But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets wereand picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected inthe animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer awarranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systemsmalfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm littlebodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thoughtthey would burst. "We will take our chances." they said.
"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are sodependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designedto outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "Thatis how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen Tears." he whispered.
********************************************
"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties, "and so each mommy anddaddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that oneday it will leave them, and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to theedge of the pond. His mommy was still there and still crying. "Will sheever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowinghow much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he madethem special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off herfingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special waterhere. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring andpetting and shared love. And the promise of love once again. As yourmommy cries, she is healing.
"In time, she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks ofyou. And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will loveagain. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy andSnowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how sheliked.
"Look," she said, "the butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't readyto leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded. "You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looksat. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night,when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her andyou both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her arainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turnto come."
"I would like that." the little orange boy said and took one long lookat his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears, and he knewshe had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glancedover at the others, running and playing and laughing with thebutterflies. "Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around,I promise."
Then he turned and raced after the others.
_______________________________________________________
Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you...
I loved you so-
'twas Heaven here with you.
-Isla Paschal Richardson
Farewell, my humans, yet not farewell,
Where I go you, too, shall dwell.
I am gone before your face,
A moment's time, a little space.
When you come where I have stepped,
You will wonder why you wept.
-Edwin Arnold
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room,
I am the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
-Mary K. Frye (1932)
Choices
by Anne Kolaczyk
February 5, 1998
The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing,chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked likeso much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of thepond's water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work,he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet, and Mommy'simage danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.
"Is something wrong?"
The little orange boy turned around. A lady was standing at the edge ofthe pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The little orange boysighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a mistake," he said."I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the water. It wasstarting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back. "I'mjust a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn'tsupposed to come here yet."
The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boyclimbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked,he started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'mafraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here, and your mommyknows it deep down in her heart." the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And Daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one hadever said anything and he had listened when they thought he wassleeping. All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or howfast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. "Who would choose to cry?"
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made himfeel safe and loved and warm-but he still worried about his mommy. "Letme tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats--Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo andRobin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte andObie.
Dogs too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a lizardnamed Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster namedOdo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:
********************************************
A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the angel to help them.
The angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out thefirst window at all sorts of things-dolls and stuffed animals and carsand toys and sporting events.
"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.
But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge."Things are okay to love," they said, "but they don't care that we lovethem."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked outat all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said."They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.
Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, somejust had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all cameback to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the angel, "but they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."
So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots ofpeople walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you tolove," the angel told them. So the Loving Ones hurried off to findother people to love. "You have chosen Commitment," the angel said.
But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge."People were okay to love," they said, "but sometimes they stoppedloving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you." he said. "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one sideand hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittensand dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The otherLoving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.
But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal EmpathyTrainers," he said, "but there's a problem with their systemoperations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes." the angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want." the Loving Ones said.
But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets wereand picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected inthe animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer awarranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systemsmalfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm littlebodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thoughtthey would burst. "We will take our chances." they said.
"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are sodependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designedto outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "Thatis how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen Tears." he whispered.
********************************************
"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties, "and so each mommy anddaddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that oneday it will leave them, and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to theedge of the pond. His mommy was still there and still crying. "Will sheever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowinghow much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he madethem special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off herfingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special waterhere. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring andpetting and shared love. And the promise of love once again. As yourmommy cries, she is healing.
"In time, she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks ofyou. And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will loveagain. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy andSnowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how sheliked.
"Look," she said, "the butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't readyto leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded. "You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looksat. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night,when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her andyou both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her arainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turnto come."
"I would like that." the little orange boy said and took one long lookat his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears, and he knewshe had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glancedover at the others, running and playing and laughing with thebutterflies. "Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around,I promise."
Then he turned and raced after the others.
_______________________________________________________
Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you...
I loved you so-
'twas Heaven here with you.
-Isla Paschal Richardson
Farewell, my humans, yet not farewell,
Where I go you, too, shall dwell.
I am gone before your face,
A moment's time, a little space.
When you come where I have stepped,
You will wonder why you wept.
-Edwin Arnold
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room,
I am the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
-Mary K. Frye (1932)
ink iris:
