Way O/T

[Stephanie]

I know this is mostly reserved for bunny chat onthis board, but I know we share a lot with each other outside of ourbunny-parenting skills and as I have no friends where I just movedto...you guys are it.

I just found out last week that my mother and stepfather are getting adivorce. This has made me so incredibly sad that I can'teven begin to explain how I feel, other than what it feels like whenone breaks up themselves. Now, I know some of you may be thinking thatit's just my stepdad, but he's been in my life since I was 11. I am now29. He was more of a father to me than my real dad has ever been. Hetaught me to drive, he taught me how to fix things around the house(he's a contractor), where he didn't get along well with my olderbrothers, he and I always did. He's helped me move countless times, forChristmas always went out of his way to get me that extra somethingspecial (one year a fully stocked tool box!). This has just devestatedme.

I just can't believe it's happening! What compounds the pain is thatI'm not there for my mother. I'm in another country for crying out loudand I can't even cross the border due to my Immigration status. (If Igo to the States, I may not be allowed back over and it's not a chanceI'm willing to take, as I've been hauled into Immigration more thanonce.) I am just so hurting, for myself and her. I'm her youngest, andher only daughter and when I married and moved away, it broke herheart. Now this.

I could go on and on, but I won't, or else this post would be more of anovel. I just need to get some of it out, because it's just wearing medown. I dream about it even. Like I said, I'm so sad that I don't knowwhat to do. I feel shell shocked. I know it'll pass, it always does andthat saying is indeed true - time does heal. It just takes so darnlong.

 

[Lissa]

I don't even know what to say. Luckily,I'm very fortunate to have parents who been together for 30 yearsnow. I've never experienced divorce before, but I'm sure itis quite tragic. I'm so sorry to hear about theseparation. If you need to talk about it, there may be somegirls on my website that can help you through this. Hang inthere...

 

[Carolyn]

Oh Stephanie,

I'm so sorry.? Divorce really is a death; you experience the samefeelings, but must watch the parties go on choosing this path.? It'sextremely difficult and I don't care if you're 8 or 28.? It's stilldevastating.?

I know you're feeling a?great loss.?? You can still have a relationshipwith both your stepfather and your mother even from where you are.?Cards and calls will go a long way in your helping them to get throughit and vice versa.??It's not surprising that your subconscious istrying to make sense of it even while you sleep.? That's very common.?

Treat yourself as you would your own best friend.??How would you treather?? With kindness, patience, a lot of love, and understanding.? Whenpeople go through a depression such as what you're in right now, it'shard to concentrate, eating habits change, sleep is effected,?they'reangry, feel sad, want to cry, can be irritable, sometimes isolate, arevery sensitive, feel helpless, hopeless, energy levels drop, can'tescape feeling bored, feel guilty for what you have, haven't, or can'tdo, and sometimes get headaches or body aches because your body isholding onto the stress and pain.

Do yourself a huge favor and allow yourself to go through theseemotions.? It's okay to grieve, it's okay to feel sad, and to cry.?Sometimes the only way to get through to the end of the tunnel is to gothrough the darkness to get to the light.? No matter how much you tryto walk around it, it just doesn't work.? Things will get better, asyou know, but change is scary.? Your stepfather loves you as much asyou love him.? You'll still be in contact on birthdays, holidays, andspecial occasions; and your mother's your mom, only get one.? There'slittle that you can do for them other than love them and let them knowyou support them both in their endeavor to be happy again with theirlives.?

I'm sorry I can't do more.? I wish there was something that I could saythat would make you feel 100% better, but unfortunately, the only thingI can offer you is my prayers, love, and thoughts through this time.? Ihope that as people respond to this post that you'll feel our supportand compassion for you and are strengthened by it.

Much Love,

-Carolyn




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[align=left]We, your?husband, friends, family, and your stepfather and mom will help you get back up. ???
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[u8myhouse]

Divorce has been a fact of life for my family fora very long time. My mother's been married 4 times my father 3. Mysister divorced at 19, and won't even consider marriage as an optionanymore, my brother's marriage ended when he was 20.

I think people that have had so much divorce in their life can becomedesensitized so I don't think I can say that I know what your goingthrough anymore. But I do know how much a divorce can hurt a family. Idon't know how your mother would feel about your staying in contactwith with your stepfather, but even if she doesn't think you should.It's still OK. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose contact with you, fromwhat he says it seems that he cares a great deal about you.


I'm also sure that your mother understands that you can't be there withher. Calling her often isn't the same but keeping in close contact intimes like these are important. I hope that your brothers are there tosupport her as well.

I hope the best for you and that you can work through the difficultemotions coupled with divorce. Now is a time that you need tolean on your friends, since your "real life" friends can't be therewith you it's good for you to have comehere.Talking about things is one of the best waysto deal with negative emotions.

~Christine~

 

[RaspberrySwirl]

Stephanie, Carolynhit it right on the head. Growing up doesn't make it easier when yourparents split. It just makes the pain different. It makes you questionso many things. Just remember that your Mom and Dad are leaving theirrelationship with each other behind, not their relationship with you.My step-dad was just like yours. My Mom died 3 years ago. A lot of stepdads would have just faded away but I still see mine every couple days.He goes to the grandkids games, goes camping with us, eats dinner withus....He's my dad. Your step dad is your dad. That doesn't have tochange. I'm sorry you can't go home. You hang in there. Ifyou need us, you know where we are.

Raspberry

 

[LuvaBun]

I am really sorry about this situation you're inStephanie. I agree that you should keep in touch with your stepdad ifpossible. How about your mum coming to visit you? Just let her knowthat you are there for her, and that we are here for you

Jan

 

[Stephanie]

Thank you everyone. You don't know how good itmakes me feel to be able to talk about it! My husband knew the instanthe came home something was up, and although he knew what was going on,he didn't really know the extent to how I've been feeling. Course,would help if I maybe said something to him, huh?

At first, when she first told me, I was upset, but then thought, well,my parents have been through multiple divorces, as with my oldestbrother, so what's one more? I guess when I was a kid and going throughall those divorces, and this is going to sound very weird, they wereactually a good thing! This is just so totally different. I didn't likeany of my other stepdads, or stepmoms for that matter. (Yes, like youChristine, I've been through the same number as you oddly enough.)

Also, Carolyn, that pic of Thumper and Bambi brought the biggest smileto my face. That was one of my all time favorite movies when Iwasakid. Ok, so it was all the Thumper businessthat I loved, I've been a rabbit gal for a very long time apparently.

 

[Carolyn]

Bambi had one bunny watching out for him...You have two. :dude:

It's going to work out

Love,
-Carolyn

P.S. Let your husband help, tell him how you are. The love he has for you is blinding in your pictures.

 

[bluebird]

Im sorry to hear it but im sure youwill still be friends with your stepfather even though your parents arenot married anymore.bluebird