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Carolyn

Carolyn

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Dearest BunnyMommy,

I can't imagine how hard it is for you to approach this time of yearwithout Danny, and I wanted you to know that I still pray for you daily.

I know it won't be easy. I'm sure your family will be right by your side the whole time.

I'm still so sorry you had to lose Danny so young.





Love,

-Carolyn

 
Carolyn, you are just SO SWEET. Thank you so much for this.

I had a general doctor's appointment on yesterday and he brought up thesame subject. He sat a long while and talked to me, giving mesome idea of what to expect, and telling me some things thathethought would ease the pain some. He was sosympathetic and nice. It's people like you and him that helpme to get through this.

Last week I had a couple of days when his loss just overwhelmed me andI must admit I was a little depressed. I still simply can'tbelieve that he's gone.

One of his sisters phoned me last night and she was so uplifting.

I just thank you for continuing to think of me and lift me up inprayer. I can't express in words how much comfort you giveme.
 
Something I found on the web:

Halloween barely passes before stores stock their shelves with holidaydecorations. Christmas carols echo through shopping malls, and thefirst of the holiday commercials hits the airwaves. If you've lost aloved one, these can be stark reminders that the holidays won't be thesame.

Whether your loved one died recently or decades ago, the holidays bringforth powerful memories that may trigger your grief. If the person diedon or near a holiday, the two events are forever linked and may beparticularly painful, especially if you have unresolved feelings aboutthe lost relationship.

DO:

  • Expect to have some pain. When the feelings come, let them.
  • Accept a few invitations to be with close family or friends. Choosethe ones that sound most appealing at the time and avoid the ones thatfeel more like obligation.
  • Talk about your feelings. Let people know if you're having a tough day.
  • Incorporate your loved one into the holidays:
  • Share your favorite stories over dinner.
  • Make a toast or light a candle in remembrance.
  • Make a donation in his or her name.
  • Help others:
    • Take a meal to a homebound couple.
    • Volunteer in a shelter or soup kitchen.
    • "Adopt" a family to buy presents or food for.
  • Modify or make new traditions if it feels right. Just remember toinclude others who are grieving, especially children, in the decision.
  • If the idea of holiday shopping overwhelms you, buy gifts online or through catalogs.
  • Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The National FuneralDirectors Association suggests affirmations such as, "In spite of loss,I will try to enjoy this season."
  • Prepare yourself for January. Sometimes the aftermath of theholidays can bring more sadness than the holidaysthemselves.
DON'T:

  • Don't hide your feelings from children in an effort to be strong forthem or protect them. You'll only be teaching them to deny their ownfeelings.
  • Don't isolate yourself. Although you may not feel much like celebrating, accept a few invitations.
  • Don't accept every invitation or throw yourself into work in an effort to keep busy. It may only add more stress.
  • Don't expect to go through defined stages of grief. "Every person isdifferent and every relationship is unique," says Moeller.
  • Don't act as if your loved one never lived.
  • Don't be afraid to cry. "Crying is like the valve on a pressurecooker. It lets the steam out," says Moeller.
If someone youknow is grieving:

  • Encourage him or her to talk about their feelings. Listen to them.According to Moeller, 98 percent of people who have recently lostsomeone want to talk about the person who died.
  • Let them cry.
  • Don't pretend their loved one didn't die - it's okay to say the deceased's name.
  • Don't say things like:
    • "At least he's not suffering anymore"
    • "She's in a better place."
    • "I know you'll miss him." or "I know how you feel"
 
Hugs to you Bunnymommy-sometimes we need a little reminder to "share the love" from another (such as Carolyn)

xoxoxoxoxo Cher
 
I've been thinkingof the Holidays creeping up on you too. :?It feels like I washolding my breath for just the right time to say something. Leave it tomy good buddy Carolyn to know when to do it! When I lost my Mom acouple years back, I was prepared for a painful and difficult Holidayseason. I was shocked and somewhat guilt ridden when it wasn't as hardas I thought it would be. Then the next year came and I couldn't getinto the spirit of the Holidays. I didn't decorate my home. I didn'tbuy gifts. I sat up night after night and cried. One evening I satandwatchedmy little girl, who was five at the time,digging excitedly throughboxes full of Christmas decorationsthat her Daddy had brought down from the attic.She ranthrough the houseplacing themin all the places shedeemed appropriate. Then she began trying to put togetherthis old rickety artificial tree that hadn't been used indecades.We hadn't even gone on ourtraditionalfamily outing to chop down a tree. She was so full of childishexcitement and joy. I was so full of pain and guilt. I walked into myroom and collapsed. I cried for my Momma like I hadn't since the dayshe had died. I prayed and prayed for God to help me be strong for mylittle girl and not ruin herjoy andspirit. Finallya peace washed over me.God picked me up, gave me strength andsent me back outto join my family. I made it through theHolidays but it was hard. I do think part of the reason was because Iwas prepared for the first year to be difficult. I built up mydefenses, I was ready for the fight. I knewit was going to betough. The second yearit never crossed my mind because I didalright the first year. Itcaught me off guard.

I know it's so much different with itbeing Danny that you are missing. I'm grateful that you have goodpeople in your life to help you get through some of the hardtimes.I'm really grateful for your faith that you have theLord to get you through the hardest times when no one else is there. Iam thinking of you often and will keep you in my prayers through theseHolidays, just as I've done all along.

Much Love,

Raspberry
 
RaspberrySwirl wrote:
Then the next year came and Icouldn't get into the spirit of the Holidays. I didn't decorate myhome.
Click to expand...
When I was grieving for a couple of years through the holiday seasons,I also didn't decorate. Amazing how much it bothered membersof my family that I didn't want a tree. Even had one show upwith a tree and inform me that I 'must' have one. Iwish people wouldn't push their views on others, especially duringtimes like that. I realize they're trying to help, but itonly gets in the way.

If I wanted to see decorations or get into it, all I had to do was takea ride and look at all the lights or turn on the t.v. It wasChristmas everywhere else, but not in my place. I was sograteful that I didn't have my place done up. It was justanother day in my life, and it turned out relatively okay.

Don't let people tell you how to deal. Do what youfeel is best for you. We all handle it differently, and onlyyou know what you're up for and what you're not.

Much love,

-Carolyn


 
Thank you Carolyn for saying something! I wasdebating on whether to or not and figured I might just upset someone byposting something like this. :?

I, too, am going to have to go through the motions of surviving aholiday after the loss of more than one friend. Hercules, the pony Iused to ride, was out to sleep on my sisters wedding day and to thisday (2 years later)I'm torn over whether I should celebrateor not. I can't really stand to celebrate because it's really quitehard on me. My parents don't understand how hard it is to lose ananimal, but I'm sure you guys do and that's why you are the only peoplethat know this. But this Christmas will be the first onewithouta fewof my friends... I've had a rough year,especially since a friend that I've known since I was about 8 waskilled on Boxing Day last year.

I didn't mean to make this all about me, it's just that I know how it is and we're all here for you.
 
Dearest Laura,

The loss of anyone or anything that gave us unconditional love is sureto sting when the holidays come around on the calendar.

You will be added to this years prayers of strength for those grieving this holiday season.



Love,

-Carolyn




 
Thanks so much Carolyn, but at least I have one less holiday than you all in the USA have. We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

[align=center]******************************************[/align]
[align=left]I just forgot to say this:[/align]
[align=left]BunnyMommy, you will be in my thoughts and prayers this holiday season.[/align]
 
Carolyn wrote-

When I was grieving for a couple of years through the holiday seasons,I also didn't decorate. Amazing how much it bothered membersof my family that I didn't want a tree. Even had one show upwith a tree and inform me that I 'must' have one. Iwish people wouldn't push their views on others, especially duringtimes like that. I realize they're trying to help, but itonly gets in the way.

If I wanted to see decorations or get into it, all I had to do was takea ride and look at all the lights or turn on the t.v. It wasChristmas everywhere else, but not in my place. I was sograteful that I didn't have my place done up. It was justanother day in my life, and it turned out relatively okay.

Don't let people tell you how to deal. Do what youfeel is best for you. We all handle it differently, and onlyyou know what you're up for and what you're not.

Much love,

-Carolyn

--------------------------------------------------------

- Raspberry
 
With Thanksgiving approaching, you've certainlybeen in my thoughts BunnyMommy. The holidays are always sodifficult and we are all keeping you in our hearts.

Pam
 


I'm truly grateful for the support given to BunnyMommy, and for none of you getting upset that I made this a topic.

To me, not recognizing the heartache our Dearest Friend has, andcontinues to, endure is like trying to ignore an elephant in the livingroom.

We're all thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you, BunnyMommy.

Honestly, when I say a prayer for a rabbit in need, I go to BunnyDannybecause I know he is watching over you and all that you love.

-Carolyn

attachment.php

 
Carolyn wrote:
, and for none of you getting upset that I made this a topic.
Click to expand...


It would have truly been a shame for no one to have brought itup. You are a gem Carolyn for always thinking of everyone!

Pam
 
BunnyMommy

I know it's the most hardest at the holidays.I knowI think about myparents alot at holidays.Both my parents were young when they died 43years old.If they were alive now My dad would be 56 and my mom would be54.I'll have you in my prayers.
 
I will be thinking of during this holiday season. I hope you can find the strength from family and friends.

Cristy
 
Bunnymommy,

Although I have not known you all that long, I do know that you are acaring and loving person. And I am sure this is going to be ahard season for you, but remember, that there are a lot of people whocare about you and are willing to support you through the darkesthours. Take each day one step at a time and make sure you aredoing things to make yourself feel better, not to appease anyone elseif it makes you uncomfortable.

I will keep you in my prayers, and check up on you often on the boards so dont be a stranger my friend!

Many hugs, and kisses from the King lookalike Guinevere =-)

Melissa, Guinevere and Gir
 
BunnyMommy, this is going to sound weird, but Ithink ofyou almost every day. As I don't know you very well,I never wanted to say anything, in case I hurt you, or upset you, orinsulted you. Your husband's death effected me, even though I didn'tknow him, or you! I was very new to the boards and didn't want tooverstep my bounds. His funeral was on my birthday and I spent thatwhole day thinking of you, wanting to reach out but afraid toand not knowing what to say.I'm so sorry and I'm sorry Inever said anything before now. It was one of those things where themore time that passed, the more I felt that I would make youuncomfortable or something.

Know that we're all here for you. The holidays are the worst time forsomeone who is grieving, and if you need anyone, at any time, pleasekeep me in mind. I know we don't know each other well, but maybe thatcan change.
 
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