Rant/grumble time

[Ivory]

Andre's mom's health insurance just went up to a point where they may not be able to pay for it. Now I personally don't care for this "public option" stuff flying around, but I also think that health insurance needs a LOT of reform.

The problem is that his mom may want to go on Andre's state health insurance. I mean, it's understandable, but sometimes I just get really tired of their dependency upon him. It's that, and the fact that he has three brothers they need to call. She really needs to be on insurance, because then they won't be able to pay for the doctor at all.

Now, for my rant. Our health insurance used to be pretty good, but lately it has been really stupid. They wanted my dad to switch to a different acid reflux drug...that saves them $20 a year. Well, it doesn't work for him as he has tried it before. So now, he had to threaten to call a lawyer and whatnot. which he actually would do. But he pays for everything for myself.

Here is my problem. In the wonderful state I live in, children inherit their parents' debt. Whether we like it or not, we have to pay it off. And sometimes, considering the debt that his parents are in, it makes me want to scream.

I want to marry Andre one day but sometimes these issues just seem to freaking large. Yeah everyone keeps saying that I have been spoiled. Yeah I came from an upper middle class family with a comfortable amount of money, yeah I get a lot of stuff most people don't. Yeah my school and rent are all paid for.

Despite these things, I wasn't raised to be completely unpractical. When I marry Andre', until veterinary school is over, I am on his budget, his health insurance, his car insurance, his everything insurance. Yeah a vet salary should pay for itself within my time of getting out of school, and he has a steady, professional, well-paying job but it's still like beating my head against a wall. Because when we have a house note and insurance premiums and god-only-knows-what-else (probably a car note because I am planning on getting a new car by 2014, but this will be small because I will have most of the $$ for it by then), I don't really want their expenses hanging over our heads.

My mom keeps telling me these things have a way of working themselves out, and my parents will always help and won't let me starve or get off of health insurance. But sometimes, my prescriptions for my skin are really expensive, as in when we have to fill them all at once they're about $550. I don't know. If he has to pay for them too... I have had everything paid for in my life. Yes this makes me spoiled to some people. I'm going from being on a 6-figure salary budget to a respectable but much more moderate budget, and this is difficult for me.

At least my veterinary expenses are paid for until the day I die...lol.

Ok I just felt like ranting. I am expensive. Not really, but fairly. I like nicer clothes. I don't buy Wal*Mart clothes. (Sometimes Target though. Lol.) I don't wear drug store makeup because it makes my skin break out. I don't buy cheap shoes because they don't last and they are uncomfortable as hell. People make it sound like I am a high-maintenence @#$%^. Well, I don't buy freaking Prada shoes, or if I do they are like 70% off the ticketed price. I'm sorry if I know that fake leather looks like crap and feels like crap, too. And everyone makes it sound like I am some kind of evil demon. I save up my salary for my car, which I am planning on getting a certified pre-owned 2005-2007 GT Mustang when I turn 25. I would get it sooner, but monthly insurance would be too much. I save up my salary for my nicer clothes, and buy them when the time fits. I save up my money for the things that I like. I have a budget about them. I know how long my makeup/lotions/stuff lasts, so I budget for those things. I'm not and evil money-spender who doesn't care where the pocketbook is coming from.

And when we go out to eat, I am respectful of financial boundaries. I don't expect to be taken to Ruth Chris' Steakhouse every week. I pay for myself, unless its an official 'date,' but sometimes I pay for Andre' as a token of appreciation for being a good person. I'm really not evil. I'm really not, and I'm tired of everyone around me's insinuation that I am an expensive, spoiled brat. When I look at my monthly expenses, they aren't that bad.

And then, I get tired of people saying, "money doesn't matter in a marriage!" Well, BS it doesn't. If I can't get the things I need- medicine, or the other things that allow me to be a professional and feel comfortable with myself- and if I have to wear the same clothes for 10 years, I will be d@#$%@ if I am happy. Maybe this means I am horrible. Sorry, but I don't believe in unconditional love. I will do everything in my power to take care of someone, to love and cherish my spouse. I will provide love, a stable household, and yeah, that involved being a bread winner.

That's another thing people need to get over. I am a woman and I will probably be making more money than most men. They need to get. over. it. Screw off. And for that matter, if I don't want kids until I'm 30, then that is my right. If I don't want kids after 40, that is my right. So I have a 10 year window. I'm 21 years old, in the thick of school, soon to be going to veterinary school, and my concern is not providing for a child.

People are stupid.


Continuing along, not ranting, my 21st birthday is Sunday. I am not planning on going out and partying. I did this already, underage, and it really wasn't all that fun. So, we are going get sushi, and going dancing, but mostly it shall be a calm night.

Sorry for the rant. I just got really really annoyed. I appreciate input......

 

[JadeIcing]

I agree with most but not all. I will give you this.... Right now I am on a laptop that my inlaws gave me as a gift. Mind you we BOTH gave up are B-Day gifts, anni and X-Mas gifts. (His Bday 9\30 - Mine 10\1 - Anni 10\1) We are doing the same with my parents but for a desktop (Ours Crashed). His parents bought us a new car(Chevy Cobalt-08 Brand New)last year (ours died). My phone died somymom and grandmother split buying me aniPhone.We are both fairly spoiled by are parents. We are not picky about a lot of things but something we are VERY picky. Yes it may cost more maybe we have to save a bit but that is up to us not anyone else. Our parents are amazing to us.

We will be celebrating 4years of marriage the 1st and I get non-stop when are you having kids. MYOB we will when we are ready we will so what if we wait. :X

I like you would be VERY concerned about their debt becoming yours at some point. You will be build your own debt even if you can pay it, doesn't mean you want more of it.

Have an awesome 21st!

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

Erased

 

[Ivory]

Heh thanks Jade. You know, what they don't understand is that maybe I was brought up in a house with nice things, but I don't need granite countertops and fancy floors. I need a clean, nice house, in a safe place. I will get out and mow the lawn myself, I will clean it, I will take care of what I'm given.

I buy my own dress clothes, and work clothes. I don't pay for my dry cleaning. I pay for my cosmetics. I save money every paycheck for the car that I want. Andre has his dream car, so why shouldn't I have mine?

I am given a lot and I am grateful for what I am given. If I had less, I would work for what I wanted. And no one seems to want to admit that. I buy my own shoes. I buy a lot of my own stuff. I can live without some of the frillies, if I had to.

Still, I am going to have a business and student loans to pay off. I don't want their debt hanging over us. I don't want Andre's credit ruined because of them and frankly? I'm not going to pay for their problems.


On this matter of money, I have a friend who has been asking me to pay for EVERYTHING for her, food, clothes... Its obnoxious. I'm not a freaking money bag. I honestly think that is the only reason she is friends with me. Whatever. Again, people are stupid.

Anyway, I would also like to point out that part of this annoyance is that, though I will eventually be successful, I cannot work while in veterinary school. So no extra $ from my end. Andre makes enough to handle it, but if we have others' debt to pay off... Not so much.
They said I was a "female dog" because I said I wouldn't marry him until he was financially stable enough to go through life. Meaning without them needing his money. Maybe I am mean because I don't bow down and give it all up for love. I will wait 6 years until I am out of school and in the job force to marry. I really will. I won't have what I want taken away from me because of someone else.


Keep in mind this is a rant topic for me, that I am a bit more neutral most of the time, and that I understand that others have different life experiences and opinions.

 

[JadeIcing]

I think you are just being smart. If you are willing to work to have more what is the problem.

 

[Ivory]

Exactly. I don't understand things sometimes.

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

wait can i ask something? you are telling me that your parents or his parents debt can become your debt? is this true in m ost places? or is it that if they pass you have to pay there debt with anything that is in their estate or with any insurance money before the money is handed out to anyone? i think it is crazy that you would have to worry about in laws debt?

maybe i misunderstood it, but if i didnt i am going to be concerned about my parents debt,lol

 

[Ivory]

Lol sorry for the confusion. *my* parents aren't in debt, his have some debt problems. This is not entirely their fault.

I know in MS, when parents pass away, the debt is relieved and not passed onto their children. However, in LA, the children get the debt whether or not it is remotely their fault. It's unfair, and its an old law, but that's how it works. So, when they pass away, all of their extensive debt is passed onto the children.

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

oh my god that is horrible, why should their debt be their kids problems when they didnt give their information or sign for any of it?!?!?!?!?! i would think that is what the estates are for clearing up debt.

 

[Ivory]

Yeah I agree. Thankfully upon selling a house, some of it would be relieved. But if the cost of the house doesn't cover the cost of the entire debt...well someone, apparently, has got to pay the rest.

Things are calmer now. We talked and feel better about everything.

 

[GoinBackToCali]

I'm going to tell you my point of view..

Shallow? Me?.. possibly..

I like nice things. I think I have an illness of some sort. I have no problem dropping a buttload of money in a favorite store. I make it, I buy it.

I buy my makeup from Sephora, I wear Benefit, Urban Decay, Kat Von D, Nars and Bare Essentials.

I like Diesel Jeans, Kitson, Tuk and Fergie Shoes.

If it's new and hot, I must own it. I have enough trinkets and baubles to open my own accessories shop. I have over 60 pairs of sunglasses, we won't even go into shoes and handbags.

I got a Dodge Daytona truck in my divorce, but my new husband bought me Dodge Challenger, cause I wanted one.

MY crap goes right down to derby gear, I have like 3 or 4 pairs of skates, stoppers and wheels and laces and toe guards to match every outfit, 4 different helmets..

If your accustomed to something, your accustomed to it, you don't have to sit there and rationalize it out. If that's what you like, and what you want..then so be it.

But I agree, to say "Money doesn't matter in a marriage" is BS!!

Tell that to the couples who are part of the statistic that says 72% of all marriages end due to money troubles...

Just my input..

 

[kirsterz09]

I'm nervous to post this cuz, I don't want to be critized but, you asked for input so here's mine.
I totally agree that you shouldn't have to pay for his parents debt. I always worry about my parents as they love to pile tons and tons of money onto credit cards most of which, they definatley can't afford and I don't know that if any happerend to them who, is meant to pay it back, as I have hardly any money as it is and def couldn't pay off their debts ontop of my own.
Now here is the bit i'm nervous about but, to me you are increadibly lucky, you seem to be able to get whatever you want pretty easily, I mean I wish all my tution fees were paid for and that I could easily save up to by my dream car. It seems that you must have a darn gud job and great parents to have all that. I earn £450 pounds which is $744 a month, this is what I have to buy food with, pay for my car expensises and anything else I may need. Now I have paid for everything I own, but it hasn't been easy and I have often had to of gone without especially, if something unexpected breaks like this month, my catalytic converter went which cost, me £100 and now ontop of that my wii that I had as a bday prezzie has broke too! which if I want to replace will cost me £175. It is a constant battle every month to find the money to pay for things like clothes, perfume and nice things and with out any help from parents therefore, I just wanted to show a view from the other end of the spectrum, I am not calling anyone spoilt or shallow, I am just saying that you are increadibly lucky to have all that.

 

[GoinBackToCali]

Kisterz..

You shouldn't feel hesitant at all to post.

I do consider myself extremely lucky. I have no vehicle note. or land notes. I make good money..

But it wasn't always like that.

Ketchup spaghetti, ramen noodles, not payin one bill to pay another, being 3 months behind on my car note, borrowing from my mom to pay for stuff for my kid.

Hell, in between my divorce, marriage last year, I got a hard dose of reality, got knocked off my high horse, and for a period of time, I was back to being in the poor house. If it was not for the generosity, repeated generosity of someone here on the forum, I would have been in dire straits indeed!

I am very well aware of how lucky I am to be able to blow and go...

But..it's not all it's cracked up to be.

And I will just leave it at that...

 

[kirsterz09]

thanks, I'm just not a very confident person and don't like to think that I might hurt someones feelings.

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

I just think you need to rember one thing something can happen in a istance to your nice stuff or to you or your husband make sure you save I am on the opposit end of the spectrum also.

I am excited to get a pair of used skate from Zin. Because at 21 years old I have never had my own skates.

I am so stoked to get a used lap top that I worked by but off to pay for. I get that inNov And zin has seen my car I got in a fight with a chick for hiting my car and saying its no big deal look at that peice of crap. I told her I am glad you can buy a new car but I am proud of my hoopty.

If your proud of what you have then be proud. But remeber money is a factor but so is love. me and hubby sit in front of our tv most days because we dont have the money to drive to houston. The beach is our trip on a weekly basis.

I am glad you are so lucky. And I dont think paying your parents dept is fair at all.

My mom always said a doctor or lawer can end up under the bridge just as fast. Make sure you pre pare yourself for the unseen.

 

[Ivory]

My mom has always told me to save for the leans times, during the profitable times. Veterinary medicine is not exception- and vets don't make as much as humans doctors, on average.

I realize that I am very lucky. And as far as a dream car, it is not quite as expensive as one would think. Yes my parents could afford to go out and buy me a $40,000 car but they don't. So I have to work for the car I want. But, it won't cost $40,000. A 2005 GT Mustang, for instance, 3-4 years from now will probably cost about $12,000-$15,000 dollars, depending on mileage. I can live with having to get a new paint job, or if its a convertible, getting a new soft top. I can live with maintenance. Perhaps I will get a 2010 instead, which will be considerably less than they are going for now (they're brand new after all.) But I'm not planning on dropping a crapton of cash on a new car. Andre's is a 2004 T-Bird. It's beautiful. So then I get a Mustang and a T-Bird to drive.....:devil:devil

Love is a very big part of anything and if I have to do without some of the frillies- I will live. But I use Urban Decay, (best eyeliner eeeeeeeeeeeeeevvveeeer) and buy nice stuff. Still, I am lucky.

I guess my point is that, it gets very frustrating. I really budget my money out. I don't make a whole lot- I make about %500-$550 a month when I'm in school. I make about $1,000 a month when I'm not. It's my clothes, shoes, makeup, and car money. I put most of it into a savings account I don't want to see until I get my Mustang. I buy everything else using it. My parents give me $700 a month for food/gas/electric bill/other things I need. My rent is $930.

When I wasn't working, I was really tight on my budget. I wasn't getting that extra %500 a month, so I had to really cut back on the frilly things. But I still bought the makeup, I saved for the shoes and clothes, and I learned how to hand wash my delicates instead of having them dry-cleaned. But I still managed to live pretty comfortably.

All of these things combined...I don't particularly think I live in excess. I spend what I need to, and what I want to when I have the extra.

Jesus and even today. My friend needed to go grocery shopping, because she lost her license and can't drive at the moment. So, when I mention that I need to go, she makes this comment, "I'm sure we don't shop at the same place..." in the most condescending tone. I mean really. I shop at Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market most of the time. Sometimes Whole Foods or Target.

Sigh. Why are people so mean? I don't have a problem when people can't afford things. I sometimes offer to help, like eating out. I won't pay someone's bills but I try to be really respectful of different budgets. If I want to eat somewhere expensive...and the person I'm with can't afford it...I pay for them. To help. Because I also like to share some of the things I have with others.