rant about hubby

[BunnyRae]

yesturdays battle... I wanted to get my 2ndtattoo. A small closed wing butterfly on each shoulder to match the oneI already have. He tells me, if I get another tattoo, he will get ridof my bunny.

I told him he can't tell me what I can and can't do to my body. If hewants to have tons of tattoos, or whatever to his body, then so be itif it makes him happy.

He is my husband, not my father. But most of the time, I feel like he is my father.

So, after I told him he can't tell me what I can't do. I shoved hischair, and kicked off my sandles which went flying. I got DD ready togo, went to park, went to mall, but the child area was closed. Tried tosee a movie, but she woudln't sit still. Went to a park again andplayed. Then we sat in the car for a while. I was gone for about 4hours or so. Then I cam home. We haven't spoke since.

then today... I get up and wash the car. I see tom head out with my bunny. Getting ready to take her to the pound.

I told him I didn't get the Fn tattoo. HOw am I supposed to get one with a Fn 2 year old with me??

So he put her back.

the tatt isn't important. What got me is the control issue and that he is using my pets to do so.

I don't think he will change. I can't put up with it AND be happy. Ihate feeling like a child. I had a dad. I want a husband, not a father.So my option would be to leave. I just need to figure out what and howI'm going to do.

I'm the one that's starting to get violent towards him. I didn't evencry about the above. I just got really mad. So what does that mean?

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

That's too bad about your "hubby". Hereally should leave your rabbit out of it. It's an innocentanimal.

My hubby sometimes acts like my dad too and I hate it, but we hardlyever have a tiff, and he would never, ever do anything to my babies.

I hope you figure out what to do. Prayers coming yourway. I know how hard something like this can be.inkpansy:ray:

 

[binkies]

I'm soooo sorry. My husband and I don't getalong too well either. Is sitting down and speaking with him about thisout of the question? That is the best way to go about things, butobviously it isnt easy 9 times out of 10.

The way you are living now isnt something that you should have to do.You are a grown woman and a mother and have the right to do whateveryou please as long as it doesnt affect the rest of the familynegitively. He is using your poor rabbit as a pawn in his game. Ifspeaking to him and having a rational conversation about the state ofyour marriage isnt an option, maybe you can find a "pawn" of your own?

 

[BunnyRae]

I've been talking to him for several years nowlol. It's only gotten worse since having our daughter. I blamed it onme having ppd and mayve it wasn't really all that bad.

But when I tell someone the stuff that goes on.. I now know it's not ppd, it's real, and it's from him.

I've even told him how close I am to leaving. And every time he ways hewill work on it, but it still gets worse. He says he wants to make itwork. But it sounds like he's really trying isnt he? lol

 

[binkies]

Marriage counseling works for a lot of people.If you are church goers, you can go to a church marriage camp. Usuallyjust a weekend worth of therapy.

 

[BunnyRae]

im in counselling. Hes gone with me once.

 

[Haley]

Im so sorry youre having trouble. It must reallybe hard for you. Especially since you have a daughter. My boyfriend andI fight quite often lately, but he would never touch my bunny. I thinkhe knows I would be out the door in a second..

You just have to think about what is best for you and your daughter. I'll be praying for you and sending good thoughts your way.

 

[Bassetluv]

Well, I was about to suggest counselling, if not with him, then alone, but I see you are already going.

I'm afraid there's no easy answers to what you're describing. Controlissues can be extremely serious and can break down a marriage veryquickly, especially if the one doing the controlling refuses to talkabout it or see a counsellor. Unfortunately if it isn't dealt with, orsome sort of resolution isn't reached, it can lead to more seriousproblems. When there are control issues at hand, it tends to point tomajor insecurity issues on the part of the controller....something thatcan be addressed and rectified, but only if that person is willing toadmit to them first.

I can only speak for myself in such a situation...I cannot speak forwhat is or isn't right for you...but I do know that if anyone tried tothreaten me with doing anything to my pets, I simply could not livewith that person. That would be a major breach to me...it would besimilar to holding my child hostage. However, only you know how muchyou are going to be able to put up with, or deal with. I am curious toknow what your counsellor has suggested...has there been anything thathe/she has suggested that you've tried with your husband, or have yetto try that you feel might help in some way? My sister lived with acontrolling husband for over 13 years, and there was a great deal ofresistance on his part to acknowledge that he did have a control issuegoing on. It was a very difficult time for her as well, as they had twochildren together, and a lot of decisions about what to do were toughto make.

My heart goes out to you, as it must be extremely difficult for you tobe dealing with this. I do hope that something positive happens, andthat your husband will be willing to recognize the seriousness ofit. My thoughts and prayers are going out to you.....ray:

 

[BunnyRae]

he did go with me once, but didnt get very far. we go wed. I will bring it up.



hes not an animal person. So he will never see it as we do.

 

[Rogue]

I really feel for you. My husband isnot particularly an animal person either (he prefers birds to anythingelse) but he has always been very good about them - he bought me myThoroughbred for my 21st birthday and has been wonderful about megetting a house rabbit - he gave up last Sunday, his only day off, togo shopping with me and to cut down the baby gate to fit the doorway ofthe rabbit's bedroom. However, I have had pastboyfriends who have become utter control freaks so, to a point, I canunderstand how you're feeling. I consider myself to be solucky to have such a good and solid marriage.However, if things took a turn for the worst, I would begone. I admire your bravery to have stuck this out for solong - I couldn't cope with it. I live close to my father andstep-mother, and I get enough "parenting" from them without my husbandstarting as well. If anything, I mother him becausehe's still trying to live out his teenage dream of being a "boy racer":?. But I've always said to him that his life is his own, andso long as he comes home to me every night and keeps himself safe, Ican't tell him what to do. It's not my place.

It's certainly not fair that he uses your rabbit as his pawn in all ofthis. That would have me instantly kicking off. Ireally feel that things need some serious discussion, preferably with aprofessional, which you have already said you're doing. Ifpossible, could your daughter stay with a friend or grandparent for aweekend, and then you and your husband could try to remember whatbrought you together in the first place? A marriage should bebuilt on love and trust and it sounds from your posts that you are nowtogether for your daughter's sake.

I really hope you manage to work something out. No one shouldhave to put up with that sort of emotional blackmail. :hug:

 

[BunnyRae]

not really, she does go to dayschool 3 times aweek. I asked him to change his work schedule to have those morningsoff so we can be together.

 

[BunnyRae]

We just talked after him reading my letter.
he's letting me keep her

because Iexplained how cheap it is to have her, and I have to move her out ofthe kitchen. Because he wants to get a dining room set.

He's letting me get the tat too, because I explained that they aresmall and next to my other one. He thought I was going to get somethingdrastic.


So we are better for now. We have counseling tomorrow

 

[SugarGlider]

What a difficult situation. I'm very sorry you have to go through it.

*hugs*

 

[BunnyRae]

We went to counseling today. It was very good.She told him what he did was wrong, and told him another way tocompromise

Wehad a very good session. Things are bad, but have only been bad for 11/2 years. But after today's session, things are looking better. Thanksyall for helping me. We have got more accomplished in one hour, than along time just by myself. Things are looking for the better.


I also got him to change his work schedule so on days shes in school.Wecan have alone time together to get things back on track.

Today we are shopping for a heavybag to help with my anger. Along with counseling and I need to call my doc for better meds.

I heard things from his point of view, and agree with it. He opens upbetter in counseling than he does alone with me. He is a quiet guy. Itjust takes the right questions and words to bring him out of his shell.

My counselor says I have improved since I started going in May. I'mbecoming a stronger person, and am starting to gain back my confidence.

OK, off my box for now.