aurora369
Well-Known Member
I know this is off topic, but I really need someadvice about how to handle my room mates, and I really value the advicefrom the members on this board.
I moved in with two boys, Andrew and Kevin, in September forschool. I needed to move away from home closer to school, andcouldn't find anyone to live with, and could not afford to live on myown. So when I heard that Andrew, who I knew from work, waslooking for a place to live near school as well, I asked him if I couldjoin him and his friend.
I was the one who went and viewed places, and found the place we arecurrently living in. I made all three of us sign the leasebecause I didn't want just my name on it, making me the sole personresponsible for any damages.
We sat down at the beginning and agreed on some rules, like clean upafter yourselves, rooms can be as messy as you want but common areasare to be kept clean, we will all share house cleaning activities, andI was responsible for the rabbits.
Well, I have kept my side of the agreement. I clean up my dirty dishesas I create them, I am the only one who does any house work, and therabbits cage is impeccably neat. I am reluctant to even dothe amount of cleaning I do, not because I hate house work, I kind ofenjoy it, but because I feel by cleaning up after them I will be makingthe problem worse, I do not want them to think of me as "someone who'sjust there to pick up after them".
So about three weeks ago, I made a list of cleaning that needed doing,two items for each person. And asked them to sign themselvesup to share the cleaning because the house is a sty. Icleaned the bathroom, spent 2 hours trying unsuccessfully to get thesoap scum out of the bathtub, and I also cleaned the kitchen.
That same week end, my b/f came over and was disgusted by the dirtydishes Kevin had left out on the dining room table for over 3days. He said in past room mate situations he has left dishesout only to come home to find them on his pillow. I didn't doit quite as drastically, I piled all Kevin's dishes up and place themon his desk.
Apparently Kevin talked to Andrew about it, but to this day he has notsaid anything to me about it, because Andrew brought it up with me thefollowing day. He got very aggressive and threatening,warning that I should never do that to him. I responded bysaying that as long as you clean up after yourself, like you normallydo, I wont have to. This came before he notice I had piledall the pots full of food and dishes he left out from the night beforein the sink, because I wanted to use the stove. He thennoticed what I had done, and basically had a hissy fit abouthow long the food had taken him to make the day before andhow now he couldnt eat it. In my opinion, if food is left ina pot on the stove over night, besides when making soups and stews, itis not wanted.
I then went out for a walk to the dollar store to cool my head, and getsome bunny toys. I came back to a very nicely cleaned kitchencounter. All the boxes, papers, and dirty dishes had beencleared away. Andrew had also vacuumed and dusted the livingroom. I thanked him for doing his part in the cleaning; hestormed off in a huff slamming his bedroom door, then lockingit. I then noticed that the litter box in the rabbits cagehad been turned by 90 degrees, one of the babies had a scratch in herear, there was food all over the cage, and the cage itself had beenmoved about 3 inches. I asked Andrew if he know why there wasfood all over the cage, and why one of them had a scratch in her ear,suggesting that they may have started fighting, and if that was thecase I needed to separate them. He then said that they gotfrightened when he started the vacuum, knocking their food dish andgetting food all over the floor too, and would they do this every timehe started the vacuum. This really pissed me off as I knowthe vacuum doesnt scare them that much, Ive vacuumed around themplenty of times, and I know he took his anger towards me out on them byhitting the cage with the vacuum cleaner. The poor guys wherestomping and shaking for over an hour after.
Since that week end I have been doing my best to ignore him.But the things he do still bother me, like complaining about the smellof bleach when I clean the bathroom.
And then today, he wrote a note on the top of an empty box I left inthe bathroom garbage, which was a box for feminine items. Hewrote Put these types of items in the large garbage in thekitchen. Nobody wants to know. This humiliatedme. Its an empty box. I cannot help being afemale, and I take measures to not leave gross things in plainsight. I wouldnt of been so offended if he had approached meand said this type of thing makes him uncomfortable, but he degraded meby writing it on the box in the bathroom, and avoiding me since he didthis. I was so upset I was shaking. I havent doneanything about this and I dont plan on doing anything, just ignoringit.
I feel like Im constantly fighting a losing battle. I donttrust Andrew, he is so passive aggressive that I feel scared of himsometimes and Kevin is just frustrating because he is so messy andnever home to ask to clean up after himself..
Ive already decided to move out. But I cant until January1[sup]st[/sup]. I need advice on how to handle this situationfor the next six weeks until I can move out.
Sorry this was so long I really needed to get it off my chest.
--Dawn
I moved in with two boys, Andrew and Kevin, in September forschool. I needed to move away from home closer to school, andcouldn't find anyone to live with, and could not afford to live on myown. So when I heard that Andrew, who I knew from work, waslooking for a place to live near school as well, I asked him if I couldjoin him and his friend.
I was the one who went and viewed places, and found the place we arecurrently living in. I made all three of us sign the leasebecause I didn't want just my name on it, making me the sole personresponsible for any damages.
We sat down at the beginning and agreed on some rules, like clean upafter yourselves, rooms can be as messy as you want but common areasare to be kept clean, we will all share house cleaning activities, andI was responsible for the rabbits.
Well, I have kept my side of the agreement. I clean up my dirty dishesas I create them, I am the only one who does any house work, and therabbits cage is impeccably neat. I am reluctant to even dothe amount of cleaning I do, not because I hate house work, I kind ofenjoy it, but because I feel by cleaning up after them I will be makingthe problem worse, I do not want them to think of me as "someone who'sjust there to pick up after them".
So about three weeks ago, I made a list of cleaning that needed doing,two items for each person. And asked them to sign themselvesup to share the cleaning because the house is a sty. Icleaned the bathroom, spent 2 hours trying unsuccessfully to get thesoap scum out of the bathtub, and I also cleaned the kitchen.
That same week end, my b/f came over and was disgusted by the dirtydishes Kevin had left out on the dining room table for over 3days. He said in past room mate situations he has left dishesout only to come home to find them on his pillow. I didn't doit quite as drastically, I piled all Kevin's dishes up and place themon his desk.
Apparently Kevin talked to Andrew about it, but to this day he has notsaid anything to me about it, because Andrew brought it up with me thefollowing day. He got very aggressive and threatening,warning that I should never do that to him. I responded bysaying that as long as you clean up after yourself, like you normallydo, I wont have to. This came before he notice I had piledall the pots full of food and dishes he left out from the night beforein the sink, because I wanted to use the stove. He thennoticed what I had done, and basically had a hissy fit abouthow long the food had taken him to make the day before andhow now he couldnt eat it. In my opinion, if food is left ina pot on the stove over night, besides when making soups and stews, itis not wanted.
I then went out for a walk to the dollar store to cool my head, and getsome bunny toys. I came back to a very nicely cleaned kitchencounter. All the boxes, papers, and dirty dishes had beencleared away. Andrew had also vacuumed and dusted the livingroom. I thanked him for doing his part in the cleaning; hestormed off in a huff slamming his bedroom door, then lockingit. I then noticed that the litter box in the rabbits cagehad been turned by 90 degrees, one of the babies had a scratch in herear, there was food all over the cage, and the cage itself had beenmoved about 3 inches. I asked Andrew if he know why there wasfood all over the cage, and why one of them had a scratch in her ear,suggesting that they may have started fighting, and if that was thecase I needed to separate them. He then said that they gotfrightened when he started the vacuum, knocking their food dish andgetting food all over the floor too, and would they do this every timehe started the vacuum. This really pissed me off as I knowthe vacuum doesnt scare them that much, Ive vacuumed around themplenty of times, and I know he took his anger towards me out on them byhitting the cage with the vacuum cleaner. The poor guys wherestomping and shaking for over an hour after.
Since that week end I have been doing my best to ignore him.But the things he do still bother me, like complaining about the smellof bleach when I clean the bathroom.
And then today, he wrote a note on the top of an empty box I left inthe bathroom garbage, which was a box for feminine items. Hewrote Put these types of items in the large garbage in thekitchen. Nobody wants to know. This humiliatedme. Its an empty box. I cannot help being afemale, and I take measures to not leave gross things in plainsight. I wouldnt of been so offended if he had approached meand said this type of thing makes him uncomfortable, but he degraded meby writing it on the box in the bathroom, and avoiding me since he didthis. I was so upset I was shaking. I havent doneanything about this and I dont plan on doing anything, just ignoringit.
I feel like Im constantly fighting a losing battle. I donttrust Andrew, he is so passive aggressive that I feel scared of himsometimes and Kevin is just frustrating because he is so messy andnever home to ask to clean up after himself..
Ive already decided to move out. But I cant until January1[sup]st[/sup]. I need advice on how to handle this situationfor the next six weeks until I can move out.
Sorry this was so long I really needed to get it off my chest.
--Dawn
You might have tosacrifice and just clean thebathroom so you can live with it.
