My boyfriend is jealous of my bunny (as well as my other pets).

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BunnyLove89

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 16, 2012
Messages
282
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Location
Middleofsomewhere, Arkansas, USA
I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 28. He considers himself an animal lover but he acts like he can't stand mine. We have very different views on how to treat/train an animal and get into alot of arguements about it.
We don't live together at the moment, but we are discussing getting married in the near future.
I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 goats, 2 fish, 1 horse, 7 mice, and 1 rabbit. When I move out, the dogs, cats, and goats will stay at my parents' house and my horse stays at a boarding facility.
Whenever we hang out, I don't force him to interact with my pets. He'll greet the dogs and pet the cats if he sees them, and he'll help me with the goats if I ask.
The mice tend to irritate him if they're being too loud, and he really can't stand Weston (my rabbit). I really think it's because I spend quite a bit of time with Weston.
My boyfriend has said alot of hurtful things regarding me and my animals such as "Max wanted to go back in his cage because he doesn't want to be around you" and he has said multiple times that my pets don't love me (because apparently they are incapable of love), and that i'm just the hand that feeds them.
Has anyone ever had to deal with a jealous significant other? :sigh:
 
Umm if he has issues with your animals then he needs to sort out whether he really wants to be married to you. You're a package deal. You come with your fur babies. My husband will joke around and say I love my bunnies more then him, but he'll pick them up and buy me the things I need for them with no issues. Sometimes SO's can get jealous if they were your center of attention prior to the animals, but if your animals were there first then he needs to learn to coexist with them peaceful and not cause mental stress for you. That's not fair to you or the animals you love.

Try having a one on one talk with him about your pets and where he see's them in your future. Let him know you love them and they are part of your life and won't be going no where because you made a commitment to them when you brought them home. Ask him how can you help him feel more comfortable around your pets and let him know the mental strain he is causing is not fair, unhealthy, and uncalled for.
 
When we first started dating I actually had alot more pets.
If it came down to being with him or having my animals, I would choose my pets. I have talked to him about it and he'll apologize if he crosses the line with his comments.
I've had to cut back on the amount of time I spend with him because I do get stressed out. We know we have alot to work on if we're going to get married and this is a major issue.
 
BunnyLove89 wrote:
When we first started dating I actually had alot more pets.
If it came down to being with him or having my animals, I would choose my pets. I have talked to him about it and he'll apologize if he crosses the line with his comments.
I've had to cut back on the amount of time I spend with him because I do get stressed out. We know we have alot to work on if we're going to get married and this is a major issue.
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Good for you. Communication is what makes relationships thrive. Sometimes men go through this too when they have a newborn baby with their SO. They get jealous. It all has to do with attention.
 
Definitely would have a sit down with your boyfriend. Just think, if he's jealous of your pets, which you treat lovingly as your children, will he be jealous of your time with real "skin" children? It does happen.

You don't need that kind of stress in your life. As much as you might love him, is it really worth that stress of worrying about "time spent" with others, pets or people?

Believe me, know all about that kind of stress. Had to deal with it with my own family because they didn't like my Better Half or my Son. Best thing I did was cut them out of my life. Selfishness like that can sometimes be changed, but the only way to really change it is change the way YOU deal with it.

Wishing you all the luck.

K:)
 
Thats not jealousy. Thats the beginning of an abusive relationship honestly..ive been in enough to know. How he treats your pets is prob how hell treat you.
I think perhaps you should think bout what you want in a guy. If you love pets you should find someone who shares your love or youll be miserable.
 
We've had a few serious talks lately about what needs to change if we're going to continue being together.
We're both in recovery for drug addiction and he thinks I should not be spending so much time thinking about my pets and instead be going to alot of meetings. I can kind of see his point, but my animals are a huge help for me.
I get really upset when he is too rough with my animals and he doesn't seem to understand it just makes me want to kick him out and spend more time with my pets.
 
He sounds just like my father growing up; it's very hard to deal with emotionally.

I can only advise that if this is an issue now, for the sake of your wee ones and *you*, push out the wedding planning and focus on getting this sorted.

Before I married my husband, my last significant other was awful with my Bailey (RIP). Very insensitive, though not cruel.

My vote is with Karen on this one; talk to him.

Super hugs!
 
Honestly if it were me, I would get rid of him. I agree with Branda. If she's starting in being mean about the animals it is a very slippery slope. I have also gone through it and believe me, it's not a nice place. One day he's saying mean stuff about the animals, the next he's hitting you for paying too much attention to them rather than him. Once you are married there may be human children involved and it's even harder to get away.

On the other hand, my husband is so wonderful with all our fur babies. He wanted two cats, that's all. We have two cats, four rabbits, two gerbils, two turtles, eight birds, and fish. They are all rescues. All I had to do was show him their picture on petfinder and he would melt. When I was in the hospital he even tucked Becky (a bun) in at night because that is what I do. He made sure everyone got enough snuggling in addition to food, water, and cleaning.

How a man treats your pets is how he will treat you. I get all the care and attention that he lavishes on our pets. Snuggle as a group! We frequently have two cats and a few rabbits in bed with us. There's enough love to go around if everyone is open to it. Animals most certainly have the capacity to love. I believe even more so than people because they don't have hidden agendas and they don't lie.

:pray:
 
I agree with all the above opinions. My husband knows just where he stands with our bunnies. He always say, rabbit, then grandkids or kids and then him. Well he is not always the bottom of the totem pole, but he loves Derby as much as I. I don't think I could live with a man that didn't like my animals or was mean to them. Trust is a huge issue in a relationship, and if you cannot trust your SO with your animals or kids, honestly the chances of this relationship working is pretty low. If that too brutually honest, sorry if it is. I have been married for 42 years, and every day I thank God for an understanding, animal and kid loving man. If this guy isn't the one, believe me there is a good guy out there for you. I would really talk to him and see if you can come to an understanding before you marry him. Much easier to walk now than later.
 
Amen Alma!

As for the addiction, I feel animals can help our hearts heal. I am a recovering food addict. When I want to over eat for emotional reasons I tell myself "hug a bunny". Becky always listens and will not judge me no matter how silly I sound when I spill out my feelings to her. She snuggles in and gives kisses no matter what. Pets can be a huge source of support for recovery.

People at meetings can judge, your animals never will. You need support and unconditional love, not shame and guilt. Love will set you free where shame and guilt will pull you down from their toxicity. *hugs*
 
BunnyLove89 wrote:
We've had a few serious talks lately about what needs to change if we're going to continue being together.
We're both in recovery for drug addiction and he thinks I should not be spending so much time thinking about my pets and instead be going to alot of meetings. I can kind of see his point, but my animals are a huge help for me.
I get really upset when he is too rough with my animals and he doesn't seem to understand it just makes me want to kick him out and spend more time with my pets.
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Congratulations on your recovery. Wishing you continued success.After loosing our Son to leukemia, I was toldwe need to talk.We need therapy to help you through this.Our dog and nowour bunnies have been the most positive part of helping to deal withour loss. My Better Half also feels that way. We didn't need meetings to help us cope.

Animals can be the best medicine. You can see the complete joy of having them in your life. That's a true plus to help you get through your tough times. Don't let another make you think differently.

K:)
 
Animals are a HUGE part of a recovery addicts healing process. Its scientific fact and has been proven over and over. Maybe if he see's they are helping you in the process in addition to the meetings he will change his views. I agree with everyone though with thoughts about abuse. I was married to a verbally and physically abusive man a few years ago, but he was never mean to my pets which was weird. It's like I said if you had kids he'd probably get jealous of them too. He has some issues he needs to work out and it seems a lot of it is anger.
 
Nancy McClelland wrote:
I,m seeing some major "red flags".
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My mom says that alot. It doesn't feel abusive. When I was 17 I was with a 28 year old. That was hell and took me months to get out of it. This is nothing compared to that. He has never laid a hand on me. If anything, he could probably claim that I abuse him because I did smack him once without thinking, because he was making fun of me. I would have completely understood if he smacked me back.
It does hurt me though when he is mean to my animals and it's gotten to the point where I don't have any pets out when he is over because I just don't feel like getting crap from him.
I try and give him the attention he needs but he's just really clingy.
I don't get alot out of meetings. I've lived in Arkansas for a year and a half and haven't made any friends. I'm a very quiet and anxious person (I am on meds which have helped a little bit) so I find it hard to talk to people. And when I do, I get my feelings hurt alot because I take things personally. Usually I just stick to the internet or I talk to my animals.
I don't want to have to choose between my boyfriend and my animals but I might need to for my pets' sake...
 
Communication is key in any relationship, especially honest communication. Like others have said, you should talk to him about this and let him know how you feel about animals, especially yours and that animals are a part of your life and I'm guessing always will.
My wife and I both adore animals and Dilly, our first rabbit and first pet together, has been awesome. We have lived together for 6 years and always wanted a pet but our building doesn't allow dogs or cats. So, out of the blue she mentions a bunny and finds one to adopt. We did and it was the best thing we did.
We jokinly say things to one another, like "you'd rather be with Dilly" or "You're only concerned about Dilly now days". But, it's all in fun.
Maybe be straight up with him and let him know that you don't appreciate some of his comments.
Good luck!!
 
It definitely IS abusive. Just because it's verbal abuse rather than physical doesn't mean it's ok. Name calling & insults aren't right & all the apologies don't erase them. He apologizes but isn't changing, is he? He just wants to calm you down, in my opinion. Don't isolate yourself from other people or make him the center of your world. You're certainly not the center of his [he is].
 
LakeCondo wrote:
It definitely IS abusive. Just because it's verbal abuse rather than physical doesn't mean it's ok. Name calling & insults aren't right & all the apologies don't erase them. He apologizes but isn't changing, is he? He just wants to calm you down, in my opinion. Don't isolate yourself from other people or make him the center of your world. You're certainly not the center of his [he is].
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Well said.
 
Your boyfriend sounds very immature. I hope that you can really discuss this. If you can never have your animals out around your BF...what happens when you get married? Will he make them all move out?

As a HUGE animal lover myself, married to one as well, I wouldn't settle for anything less. Love me, love my pets!!! Good luck!!
 
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