My 21st Birthday...

[delusional]

Okay, so I'm turning 21 in July. In February, I booked two weeks off work over my birthday, and asked my parents if I could make use of their garden to have a barbeque, and invite Lee's family and the rest of my family and a couple of friends. They agreed.

Cool.

So it's getting closer, and I've been looking at cheap barbeques and planning what I'm going to do.

I just popped round to my parents' house to pick up a letter, and they told me that my sister had said she also wanted to have a barbeque to celebrate her birthday (which just happens to fall on the same day as mine - but she's two years older), and also to celebrate her recent engagement. Okay, fine.

So I'm talking to my mum about dates and how we can sort it out, and my mum decides that it's just too much hassle for her to have two separate parties, and now I've got to have a joint birthday/birthday/engagement/my little sister passing her exams party so that my mum can feel like she's celebrated everything and can get it all over in one evening, and feel uncomfortable around a bunch of people I don't know/don't like (don't know=my older sister's fiancee's parents/don't like=my younger sister's friends).

I've had to share my birthday since I was a little kid, and fair enough, I suppose, but this is my 21st! All I asked for was the use of the garden. I didn't ask my parents to run out and buy a big gas barbeque, which they're now doing, and I didn't ask my mum to cook for everyone and look after everyone. I was going to buy, bring and cook my own food, and even bring my own barbeque!

I've said all this to her, but it's clear she's stressing about her busy summer schedule and if I keep on about it she'll just go crazy and either say I have no choice or be bitter throughout the whole thing.

I can't say I've changed my mind and want to do something else for my birthday now, because she'll know it's because of that and it'll probably end up being the latter. They're going on holiday the week after, so I know I could just have people over again for a more personal party, but then my parents won't be there and also it'll look like I'm being ungrateful.

I don't know what to do, I had this all planned out and now it just feels like its runied...

 

[JadeIcing]

Honestly I think I would feel the same as you. I want to say more but I have to go. I will be here late tonight.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Hey!

Just my .02, but I had my 21st birthday party last year. It kind of sucked. I wish that I had my good friends with me to celebrate. It was nice of my family to show up, but I felt pretty detached from what is supposed to be a pretty cool birthday. I didn't even do a cool dinner or go out for drinks. It sucked, in retrospect.

I don't think having another party in your parent's yard would be that bad, personally. As long asyou don't utterly ditch the first party, who cares? Show up, be pleasant for a while, etc. On the offchance that you don't have selfish siblings, maybe they are planning something cool for you. Better to show up and look supportive than have all the drama. Maybe bring a bud or two to support you.

Not to be rude, but did they buy the BBQ for you personally? Or are they just multi-tasking the event (better bang for their buck)? Unless it is a present specifically purchased just for you, it means that it was purchased for everyone's use.

If I were you (and you were me , I would have a great time the weekend after the multi-person shindig. Even tho its not on the day of your birth per se, it would still be way more intimate and fun.

Besides, its not like your parents would have to put forth any effort if you used the yard while they're on holiday.

 

[delusional]

I know it probably won't turn out to be too bad - it's just not really what I've had in mind for the past four months or so. Unfortunately I can't really just show up and be pleasent for a while, since they're already expecting my boyfriend's parents etc. to show up, and I can't really abandon them there so until they're ready to leave, I'm pretty much stuck there.

My parents are buying the barbeque for themselves, but mainly with a view to catering the party. It's not just for me. But my point was that I was ready to buy and bring my own small barbeque, plus all the food, etc, and hadn't actually asked my mother to 'cater' the party so I can't see why she's complaining about having to do twice as much work. The way I had it worked out, I was 'inviting' my parents to my birthday party, not asking them to throw me one.

It was supposed to be a chill-out day in the garden with my family and Lee's, just relaxing. And now it's introductions to my sister's fiancee's parents (who, from what I've heard of them, will NOT mesh with Lee's family), and probably some of those lovely just-turned-18's who still like to pretend they're drunk after two Bacardi Breezers.

I may well have another thing after the big thing, but it'll only be probably me, Lee, his sister and her kid and another mutual friend.

I know I'm just making a fuss because my plans aren't going.. well.. to plan.

 

[Wabbitdad12]

I don't think your making a fuss. It would have been nice to have been asked if it was alright with you to combine the parties, not just do it and expect you to be thrilled about it. I can see a combined birthday party but a engagement is a significant event that should be seperate event. Is passing exams like graduating from university? If it is then that too should have been an event by itself.

I hope it goes well for you and everything works out.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Sorry girl!

It sucks when families misinterpret people's intentions...

Anyhoo, if it's going to be a disaster, you better spike the punch!:faint:

Nothing like a fistfight to round out a great party

joking, joking...

 

[delusional]

Yeah I was thinking engagment should be something on its own, so I expect my sister won't be thrilled either. But then again my sister's the kind of person who can let anything roll off her back no trouble.

The passing exams is like.. the final exams taken before leaving high school. Neither my older sister or I got any kind of 'celebration', but that's always been the same too. My little sister's birthday is in March, and my parents have never wanted her to feel left out in July when both my older sister and I are getting presents etc. So she always gets a present too.

Well, there'll be plenty of alcohol there witout me having to spike anything.

I guess I'll just make the best of it that I can and see what happens...

 

[spoh]

I would be upset to, can you talk to your sister and maybe the two of you can go talk to your parents and tell them what you were really thinking? Maybe your sister is thinking the same thing that you are.

 

[pinksalamander]

Things like that make me so glad i'm an only child!

Fran :hearts :brownbunny

delusional wrote:

My little sister's birthday is in March, and my parents have never wanted her to feel left out in July when both my older sister and I are getting presents etc. So she always gets a present too.

 

[delusional]

Okay.. so.. remember when I got really annoyed at this..?

Well now, a mere week before the thing is supposed to take place, my mother has told me that she's not sure she can handle the stress of the whole thing and would like to scrap it and take everyone out for chinese. I am not allowed to use their garden to host my own thing, until they've gone on holiday (thus defeating much of the pupose of a family thing).

So she gave me the choice - go out with everyone for a chinese (which I must admit I pulled a face at when she mentioned it), or still have it at their house. If I say whatever, the chinese, she'll say I'm being grumpy about it (DUH) and will continue to be angry at me. If I say I'd still rather have the barbeque, she'll say I'm being spiteful and making it hard on her. (Even though she's said that she still expected me to be doing the cooking - what for EVERYONE, that I didn't even INVITE??? Why don't I just stand over a barbeque ALL NIGHT?! And if I'm still cooking then what's she stressed about??)

She's also this evening called me a 'selfish cow who thinks she's taking control of it all'. Errrm... isn't she? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but so far I've been told what weekend I'm having it on, who is attending, which DAY of the weekend it's happening, and now that I can't have even the TYPE of party I wanted.

Now, I'm willing to sacrifice on some of these things, obviously, but am I being that selfish to want to at least keep the basic IDEA behind the plans I've been making since February?

</rant>