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Ofelia

Ofelia

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I am not sure if I am still in shock or what but my no good, manipulative now..ex! has moved out and in with his family.

We have a gorgeous little 18 month old who deserves better but we were arguing all the time and that was no good for her.
Its a long story and since I have moved to a new area , I am no where near any of my friends.
My family live in another country, 13 000 km away and I also have 2 older children.

I have zero dollars and will hopefully be interviewing a possible new flatmate today.
I will also have to request government assistance to support my family.

I have to hold it together and get on with it.

Poor kids, I am just going to have to continue to be an awesome Mum but lately I have been anything but because of the stress.

Anyway enough of all that, just wondering how many other single Mums are on here and how you cope with shared custody, lawyers, financial situations, everything really???



 
I recently gave mine the boot as well... but it took a long time for me to see the toxicity in his behavior...

Good on ya mate!



If you need an ear... give me a ring love..

Z
 
It sure sounds like you've got your head and your heart in the right place....you are an awesome mum, cuz you are doing the best for your kids. You'll be in my prayers!
 
At least your daughter won't be growing up with argument but its still sad :(And remember we are always here! There's always someone online to pm - Good luck with everything

Best wishes

Becca x
 
Oh gosh, I've been in that scenario as well, only it was a very long time ago, and I have one child rather than three. My heart truly goes out to you. But you know, you will discover that everything falls into place as it should. I dealt with lawyers during the divorce, issues over splitting assets (not that we had much of anything really), and issues with him not showing enough interest in his son. Also dealt with having to find employment and all of the other things we go through in life. At times I felt incredibly alone and just wanted to cry, but you know, it was my son I think, who gave me the strength to continue on. And I discovered just who I really was through all of it. You will be finding the same thing...you'll find your inner strength, and you will go through days of stress and days of laughter too. You'll find that there may be disadvantages to both parents not being there, but at the same time, in some ways it's easier (for example...when children don't have two parents they cannot get away with nearly as many things...lol).

I didn't have shared custody in my case; I was the sole custodial parent, with his dad getting him on weekends (or so the court ruled...he rarely did use his visitation rights). My sister, on the other hand, has shared custody with her ex and they do it a bit differently. It's sort of a 'day on, day off' kind of thing, where they go to one parent's house one day, and the other parent's the next...and weekends get rotated (one gets them one weekend and the other parent gets them the next). Their arrangement seems to work quite well, even though the parents don't get along. ;)

Financially, it was hard for me at first, but I did get some help. My ex and I broke up when I was still pregnant - and the two of us had been temporarily staying at my dad's house at the time, so my ex moved out and I stayed there. I did wind up having to get Mother's Allowance (sort of Unemployment for single moms) for the first couple of years, but eventually I got back to working, first parttime babysitting, then into fulltime retail. Had to juggle babysitters for a while when I moved to a new province, but there was always something come up to help out if I was stuck. It's great if you have some sort of support network...when I moved I didn't really have that...so if you have lots of friends and family to support you, don't be afraid to take them up on any help they offer. If not, seek out support groups in your area; and if you can't find one, you could even try and create one by advertising...you know, a lot of moms offer to watch one anothers' children, or offer emotional support, etc. And that can be a huge help.

I'm sure you already know this, but as bad as the childrens' dad may be, I highly suggest they never hear anything negative said about him from you, or from other family members. Children are just so good at thinking they are to blame for all that happens between their mom and dad, and when one parent leaves - no matter the reason...it could be divorce, or even the death of a parent - they feel abandoned by that parent and tend to blame themselves. So they need to hear as much positive as they can...they need reassurance that their lives are stable, and that the parent they are living with is not going to leave them, or become overwhelmed with stress and worry.

And I think you're going to find too, that as your children grow they will be a great form of support for you as much as you are for them. I really do wish you the very best, and if you ever need someone to talk to, or just someone to listen, please don't hesitate to give me a shout. :hug:
 
:hug:I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I'm sure it will be forthe best for you and for your daughter as well. :pray:for you and your kids.
 
Oh I agree to never say anything negative about your ex to your children.
My primary goal is to make sure the children do not get too hurt.

He IS going to visit a lot and I have been through all this before so can draw on those experiences to do what is right and avoid arguments etc in front of the kids.

Its hard not to argue though, he thinks I am useless for not getting a job.
Its all a long boring story but a small part of me still hopes that I have it in me to try work things out.
But he has moved out and I already feel a bit lighter.

I do get lonely but I have a friend who I can call and she is wonderful

Thank you for your replies, they have been so good to read.

I love being a part of the RO community. I know its just a forum and that everyone is thousands of miles apart but its a place I go to when things are good or when things are bad.

thankfully thankfully my bunners (all 6 of them) are doing quite well at this time. No vet bills, no health issues, and I have a good stock pile of food for them.
They are all my babies and at this time it is truly delightful to go talk to them , play with them and cuddle them.

My latest bun..Rupert is starting to really enjoy my company which is so cool, its great when you feel down but there's a highly intelligent but humble little fuzzy waiting for a cuddle.

Thank you Bassetluv, the idea of finding a support group is a very good idea. I also wnat to keep their lives stable but there is a chance that the benefit I get may think my rent is too high. They can't ask me to move house but my allowance may be too little to cover my expenses. How are things now with your ex? How old are your kids now? I am thankful that the little one is only 18 months. Any older ad she would understand what is going on.

Its all very scary but becoming more real now. I have my appt on Tuesday for government assistance and enough groceries to last a few more days.
I ahve been cooking creatively. But I let the housework slip because its amazing how stress can exhaust one.


 
I'm glad you have us here and your friend there. It's difficult to be so far from our online friends, but I know that we all really do care about each other here! I guess it's the whole bunny/pet connection we have..... I think our hearts are bigger and feel more or something..... that probably sounds nuts LOL!

You'll have to ignore his comments. You need to be with the little ones right now!
 
I'm so sorry you have to be going through this Ofelia. :hug:You sound as though you have a good head on your shoulders and you will come through this a stronger person.

I agree that it is best to keep the father in the children's lives as much as possible and to maintain a cordial relationship with him. Like it or not, you will be dealing with him until your 18 month old turns 18 years old. I actually know some divorced couples who are quite good friends now, but unfortunately that can't always be the case. If you can't be friendsat least don't be enemies.

On somewhat of a side note, we have a friend that has taken shared custody to a whole new level. When he and his wife divorced, he bought the house directly behind hers and installed a fence between the two backyards. His 12 year old son doesn't even have to cross a street to come see him! Works out well - mom is not a morning person, so the son comes over dad's house every morning for a hot breakfast before school.

I'm hoping everything works out well for you.
 
You need a hug !! :hug: But i just know it that you're gonna be really strong well you're gonna have to be for your children =]
Just as the others said at least your younges and your other two children wont have to listen to anymore arguments ay. I know what thats like -aweful that is-

well just wanna say all the best! good luck!

Love Prisca
xoxo
 
[align=center]Thank you:?

[align=left]I am waiting for a miracle.
Tomorrow is my appointment for government assistance! It would be hard to turn back after that.

Maybe he will ring/come over and we have tonight to try sort this ugly mess out.

Otherwise, I am going to proudly walk into that office, go onto the mothers benefit and carry on. I have a fantastic job interview on Thursday for a job working from home, a dream job really so my week is going to be okay no matter what.

I just think of the kids and I get weak. I am older now, I am less selfish and want whats best for my kids.
I want them to have a father that's around. I have already had one divorce, it was a nightmare.

I am not actually currently married to baby's dad but a separation is like a divorce I think.
Anyway it could just be that we need to do this for a few months and over time we can both mature a bit more and get back on track.

I am forever the idealistic optimist.



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