Joke(s) for the Day

[Wabbitdad12]

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"

The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"

The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
*************************************************************


One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

 

[seniorcats]

:wink:laugh:Thanks! I needed a laugh this morning.

 

[FallingStar]

:roflmao:

Thanks for the laughs. I needed to laugh this morning.

 

[gwhoosh]

I get those jokes on my google homepage too The 2nd one I've heard ages ago, but I loved the first one!


One from a few weeks ago:

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift! :roflmao:

 

[Wabbitdad12]

I like it!

 

[seniorcats]

another:

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"watch out for the wall!''

 

[Wabbitdad12]

:laugh:

 

[Gumbo1993]

[shadow=orange]Tooo Funny![/shadow]

 

[seniorcats]

Joke for Tuesday:

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Joshua is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Joshua is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Joshua."


Catoon for the day

 

[Wabbitdad12]

Two elderly gentlemen took their wives out to eat, and after they were seated, a lively restaurant discussion ensued. Joe told Bob that he should also take his wife to the fabulous eatery they visited the previous week. "It was the best!" said Joe.

"What?s the name of it?" Bob naturally asked.

"The name ... uh ? what do you call that great-smelling bloom that has thorns on the stem?" said Joe.
Bob replied, "Rose?"
"That?s it," Joe happily commented. Whereupon, he turned to his wife and asked, "Rose, Rose, what?s the name of that super restaurant we visited last week?"

 

[LadyBug]

:roflmao:

 

[seniorcats]

Wabbitdad12 wrote:

Two elderly gentlemen took their wives out to eat, and after they were seated, a lively restaurant discussion ensued. Joe told Bob that he should also take his wife to the fabulous eatery they visited the previous week. "It was the best!" said Joe.

"What?s the name of it?" Bob naturally asked.

"The name ... uh ? what do you call that great-smelling bloom that has thorns on the stem?" said Joe.
Bob replied, "Rose?"
"That?s it," Joe happily commented. Whereupon, he turned to his wife and asked, "Rose, Rose, what?s the name of that super restaurant we visited last week?"

Sounds like my DH!

:laugh: