Bonding Set Back (I fear)

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DeepSeaGoddess

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Glen Allen, Virginia, USA
Just looking for some comments more than anything. My boy Kanga, he previously lost Ginger over a month ago. We gave him about 5-6 weeks to grieve and then brought another bun home to bond with him. I had to go thru bonding with Kanga and Ginger so, I'm not new to it. But, we just started bonding Kanga and Lucy over a week ago. It started out well, we put them in the bathtub....they eventually worked up to grooming each other so we moved to the bathroom. Again went pretty well so we started moving to other areas of the house. Well, what we have found out is she does well in the bathroom and bathtub because it is floor and she can't get a good grip. Now that we move to other areas where there's carpet, she tends to get possessive of the area and Kanga just coming up to groom her some times she nips at him.This morning was a huge setback aswhen he simply tried to groom her, and then sniff herback quarters it turned into a full blown fight that we had to break up!

I fear we have done 2 things wrong: Kanga would always mount her and after a few seconds, we'd pull him off and say 'bad' which he understood. Also I fear we moved too quickly to other areas. So, we are moving back to the bathtub tonight for dates and I feel like it is starting over! Do you think there's hope for them?

Some facts:

both are fixed...she was spayed and recovered for 5 weeks before we ever brought her here. He's been neutered for a couple of years.

She's pretty young....about 10 or 11 months old. He's about 3 years old.

He's VERY much interested in her and when they are in their rooms, we can set it up so that we put a baby gate between the two rooms and they can interact with each through the gateother while not 'dating' in the bathroom together. They do very well with this, each on their respective sides of the gate and he ALWAYS runs to the gate to see her. He seems excited about her.

In the bathtub or bathroom where there's not carpet or anything, they do pretty well together. They'll end up grooming each other and stuff and not really fighting but, when we move to an area where she can get a good grip, she tries to become possessive and fend him off. It seems like she misunderstands his 'advance's which are sometimes nothing more than wanting to hang out with her.

Just trying to get some thoughts/ideas from some of you guys that have experience with bonding!

Thanks!
 
I wrote this big reply and then my laptop rebooted... :pullhair:

I think that this bonding hasn't necessarily gone south. Mounting can be harmless if she does it once in a while, it's a matter of how Kanga reacts to it. If he is ok with it, then you can leave them be. If she does not stop and does it persistently, then you might have to break it up if it stresses Kanga out.

I'd say it is a good idea to take a couple steps back and go back to the bathroom/bathtub for them to stabilize with each other again. See if they like each other in a smaller limited space. It is perfectly fine to go slow until you feel more confident that they like each other again. When they are ready to go to the other parts of the house again, you might try to give them each their time in the neutral space first. Put Kanga out for 5 min, then put him away. Put Lucy out for 5 minutes so they each have time to get used to the space and each other's smells there. Then put them together and see how they do.

Good luck!
 
I don't think it's a significant setback. I think bonding is generally two steps forward, one step back, so you might just be in a setback period in general. I would absolutely go back to the bathroom where they're ok. I'd also try some stress bonding (car ride, sitting on washing machine) befor eyou you try a carpeted area. She might be enough out of her element to share some positive moments with Kanga.
 
Thanks Guys, last night we went back to the bathtub and they did ok. Some grooming of each other, no mounting and all and no fighting. So, we are going to continue with the bathtub for now.

They have been interacting all day with the baby gate between them and doing quite well...it is strange how them each in their own environment with the gate between them they get along SO well. They hang out at the gate almost the whole time and sniff each other and stuff. It is cute! They each seem interested in each other and like they want to be together. Guess that's a good, positive sign! :)

I'll keep you posted on the progress.
 
That's great that the bathroom was still good! Have you given them a towel to stand on? That might provide more grip like the carpet, but hopefully she won't act like she did on carpet. If she does take the extra traction as an opportunity to go after Kanga, it might be easier to handle in the tub where she's usually so calm.

I would just keep working in the tub for a while before trying carpeting again. Then definitely do some stressing before the carpet, or maybe a bathtub session right before carpeting.
 
Hmmm....that's a good idea about the towel in the bathtub. I think we'll try that this afternoon when we give them their next date!!! And yep, some stressing before the next carpet date for sure! We're not going to do a date outside the bathtub/bathroom until after we feel like they are getting along very well. We're just going to slow down. Gonna try the towel this afternoon though! thanks for that idea!
 
Well, just an update. I think we got somewhere with going back to the bathtub and then using the stressing approach but then I think I tried to rush things this morning and took a giant leap back!

We went back to the bathtub and all was well again. Switched to a different bathtub and they were doing fine. Each grooming the other one, no fighting or anything. So, we decided to try to move forward by putting them in a carpeted area AFTER stressing them. We took them for a short car ride together in the pet carrier. They instantly comforted each other, huddled together and everything...it was so sweet even though I know it was because they were stressed. So, after the short car ride, we brought them back and put them together in the small carpeted area between their rooms. All went VERY well and ended with them grooming each other. We left them together for about 10 minutes only.

Last night, we did the same thing....it went even better! We left them together for about 20 minutes.

This morning, a giant leap back. I decided, let's try to put them together in that same area without stressing them first....BAD BAD BAD idea! They were doing ok, and then each started to nip each other in the behind. Then, circling, then full fledge fight before I could get to them. I broke them up, fur flew EVERYWHERE. Noone appeared to be hurt....there was no blood but there was fur everywhere. They are each back in their respective areas now.

Heavy sigh. I know it is my fault. I guess I should have not tried to put them together in a carpeted area yet without stressing them first....they were just doing SO well the past 2 nights....

I'm not giving up hope yet.....
 
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