a little bit of a rantish thing.

[swanlake]

**** it you guys, i need to get out of my house, but my parents hid the car keys. I tried talking to my sister up at MSU, but she just goes back and tells my parents everything.

I have depression, and its getting better. but i feel fine and I don't like my doctor and I don't think that what is going on is helping anymore. I am also getting ECT treatment, but i don't want to go to them anymore, I can't help but think they are messing with my brain.

Last night i didn't sleep all night, because i knew if i went to sleepi wouldn't want to wake up to go to the doctors today. I still didn't want to though. My parents made me go and dragged me out of my room to the car. My dad even hit me, which has never happened before.

I am just scared here, i need to go away. My parents are all freaking out because i said i wanted to die. they don't get that I dont want to do this **** anymore, i don't want to get better, and i am tired of doing all of this only because THEY want it. I want to do something for me for a change.



You guys are the only people i can talk to with confidence. sorry about all of this, i just really need to talk to people who won't go back and tell my parents everything i say.



I just don't care anymore. I don't want to finish high school, i don't want to do anything anymore. if i could just sleep the rest of my life away i would

 

[Elf Mommy]

I'm sorry you are feeling so incredibly down. I went through similar feelings when I was in high school. Many people have the feeling of being the only one going through these feelings. I'm glad your sister is communicating to your family about how rough things are for you right now. My dad even rooted through my garbage can every day, trying to see if he needed to be worried about me. They care. They really do. The sleep thing is definitely due to depression. I often wanted to live in the world of my dreams.

Please let them help you. Please take care of yourself. Your bunnies need you.

 

[Saffy]

Oh my .. (hug) .. what's getting you so low, do you know? High School is tough .. people expect you to start focussing on what you want to do with the rest of your life, when the reality is, it's just starting to sink in that school IS finishing and let's all be honest here, most of us have no idea what we want to do with our life at 17 - 18.

You need to see about getting another Doctor - it's very important that you feel comfortable and able to talk easily to them. ECT? Good grief .. why? You're young, you're confused, youre pressurised, it's blooming normal to feel depressed at times and the more people try and tell you to get out of feeling that way, the more alone you will feel.

Silly as it seems, do you like walking? Shove on your I Pod and go for a long, long walk .. just walk and walk and you will feel your body start to relax and things to ease a little. I promise.

Can you plan a break after High School .. something that will give you a goal to look at?

I'm here if ever you need a chat ... by pm or on here.

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Have they tried to get you on any antidepressants? You should talk to your dad about hitting you and how that's not right and stuff. Or talk to your doctor about it.

 

[Saffy]

Having been on both sides, I can understand how your Dad lashed out .. perhaps he feels at a total loss of what to do .. he doesn't know how to help and just wants you to "get better". Are you a close family usually? If so, he must be wondering what happened to his little girl ... and I know it doesn't help, him having no patience, but it' just that he is scared and doesn't understand.

 

[swanlake]

we usually are a close family. My dad did come and talk to me about it. he apologized.

I have had this for two years. Last year I missed almost half a year of school. This year I switched schools, it is a smaller school and everyone there is nicer. I like it alot.

I do know what I want to do though. I want to become a marine mammal trainer, and work with whales and dolphins.

I am on my third doctor. I have been on many different pills, but nothing helped. That's why we did the ECT. I did tell my mom I wanted to stop it though, because I feel weird and I think it might be messing with my head.

Thanks for all of your support, I am feelingbetter. Although now my mom feels that someone needs to watch me all day, for example she had my brother stay home today. I am going to spend the week with my sister up at MSU because I need to get out of my house and think.

 

[Flashy]

I really feel for you. It's so hard when you feel as vile as you do.

If you don't want to do ECT, what do you think might help and what would you be willing to try instead? Sometimes us having a plan can help those treating us understand that we do want to get better, we just don't think X (in your case ECT) is the right way to go.

At the risk of being insensitive, do you want to get better? What might help you get there?

I know that sounds like an awful question but not everyone does want to get better. Some people want the pain to stop but can't/won't/don't want to put in the effort. Some people are scared to be better. Some people sabotage their recoveries when they start getting better, etc. Sometimes it can help to be asked that because sometimes it can make us think about what is happening for us and why.

 

[Saffy]

I'm glad your Dad came and had a chat with you

You know what you want to do .. go for it .. why not see if you can do some work experience in this area?

Also .. I think a break away from home will be good for you .. away from the tentions, and you can clear your head a little. But do keep in touch with us wont you?

 

[timetowaste]

oh swanlake...how i wish i could say no one else has ever felt that way....unfortunately, far too many of us have been that low before...including me, obviously.

this means jack **** to you and many others, but, time heals all wounds. somehow, you will find your niche to get through this...and if you feel better coming here to talk, use this thread as your journal thread in a way.

we are always here to listen

tracy