Tallulah Maesie, the angel bunny

[Jenk]

SnowyShiloh wrote:

Oh, gosh, I can't stop crying! Pipp's boy, Dill, is likely dying right now... she said she's losing him. I know this is weird, but I'm asking Tallulah to tell him to stay with his mama, heaven doesn't need any new bunnies right now. Poor Dill and poor Pipp. I know how helpless and terrified Pipp must be feeling right now, with her baby being dragged toward death. Please hope he gets better.

No, NO, NO, NO! This can't be happening....:cry4:I, too, am asking Tallulah (and my previously passed-over pets) to ask Dill to please stay with his mama. ray:

Jenk

 

[LuvaBun]

Shiloh, it is so kind of you to think of Pernod and us, when you are still grieving over Tallulah :hug:. And now Dill, I can't believe how many of our babies are leaving us .

It's hard to think it's been over a month since she has been gone. I was thinking about her in the Patriot Photos thread - she would've looked so cute dressed up for her Stars and Stripes. I can't wait to see the tattoo you are having done - such a wonderful tribute to your baby girl.

Jan

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Poor Dill and Pipp

I'm really worried about Skyler now because it feels like he has an enlarged cecum, too. And Rory has a runny nose now. They both have Infirmary threads going

I miss my baby. I've had two dreams about her in the past few days. Well, the first wasn't really a dream... I was in bed asleep and had the window open because it was a hot night. Someone's dog or puppy was crying and whimpering, it was one of the saddest, most pitiful and heart breaking sounds I've ever heard. The sound took a while to wake me up though and instead I was dreaming that something was wrong with Tallulah and she was making that sound. I was frantically looking for her because something was terribly wrong, she was hurt or sick and scared and I couldn't find her. When I finally woke up, I'm not sure if I was relieved to remember it couldn't be her because she can't feel pain anymore, or if I was more disturbed to remember she's dead.

The other dream was that I was at some private school and a shooter came in and went on a rampage. One of my friends had come to visit me at the school and was shot. The bodies were all put in a room together, their wounds were cleaned up and bandaged for some reason, and they were left there for days while the police investigated. I was able to get into the room and was cradling my friend in my arms, crying and feeling incredibly guilty over her death. When I looked at the bandage over the gunshot wound on the upper right side of her abdomen, I saw bright red blood had seeped through. My friend started moving a little or breathing a little or something- I don't remember what it was, but there was some indication that she had come alive again! I picked her up and carried her to her family to show them that she was alive, and by the time I got there, she had turned into Tallulah. I was holding Tallulah up before them and showed them that although she was limp and her eyes were closed, her nose was wiggling a little bit. None of us seemed confused that my friend had turned into a bunny! I don't really remember what happened after that.

Also as I was typing that out, I realized that the spot on my friend's abdomen where the gunshot wound that killed her was the same place where her cecum would have been if she were a bunny. It was problem's with Tallulah's cecum that killed her, too.

There's a litter of 10 day old mini lops being fostered down in Anchorage, they have a very sad story. It was interesting to notice that the babies were likely conceived on the day Tallulah died. I had been really hoping to adopt one of the girls, but with Skyler and Rory sick, I don't know if that's going to happen

So, those are my sad and weird Tallulah dreams, and my worries over my other two bunnies. In happier news, ElfMommy is in the process of making a gorgeous portrait of Tallulah and Cinnabun, and I've commissioned lolbunnies to make a portrait of her too.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Well, I'm happy to say that Skyler does not have an enlarged cecum! Thank goodness! I was just overreacting because of what happened to Mae Mae, the vet assured me that he's fine. However, Rory still has a runny nose... He has a vet appointment set up, but I want to get him in sometime sooner.

Nothing has really changed about missing Tallulah. It's always there. At least her cage is gone now though so I don't look at it, half expecting to find her looking up at me. I was at the pet store the other day and bought a pretty new periwinkle and turquoise flowered food bowl for my bunny girl to be, I decided I don't want the new bunny to use Tallulah's little pink food bowl. I bought the pink food bowl for Tallulah about an hour before I met her for the first time, I was gathering supplies for her. It feels like it was so long ago. Anyway, she loved her food bowl and spent a lot of time in her cage sitting or even sleeping with her front paws in the food bowl, hoping for a snack!

I found out today that the name Taisie is Irish and was the name of a princess from a legend. Tallulah's name also is Irish and means princess. As it should happen, Taisie is also a nickname for Anastasia, and of course it's similar to Maesie, so I'm thinking of naming the new bun Anastasia Mae (Mae something like Lilimae or Maeryn) and calling her Taisie Mae. The forum already has a Daisy Mae though, hope that isn't too close! I've also always loved the name Siddalee, I saw it for the first time in the book Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, which I read years ago. Coincidentally, the main character Siddalee's sister is named Tallulah. I think it's interesting that the bunny names I like the best happen to be so related to Tallulah's name.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Sweet baby, in some ways it feels like you were a dream and I never actually held you or enjoyed the pleasure of your company...

 

[Jenk]

SnowyShiloh wrote:

Sweet baby, in some ways it feels like you were a dream and I never actually held you or enjoyed the pleasure of your company...

Sometimes, a dreamlike memory is a form of emotional freedom--for if it 'twas only a dream, then any pain associated with it is also, in a sense, unreal.

I think that you've answered my question as to how you're doing/healing.:hug: If I'm right (that your heart seems to be lightening with time), then I am glad.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Jenk, I'm definitely healing from her death, but I think I've pretty much healed as much as I'm going to. It's weird, I loved Cinnabun as much as her, but since she died, I think about her much more than him. At one point I actually thought I loved him more deeply than her, but now that she's gone, I know that absolutely wasn't true. It's helped me realize how much I love Rory and Skyler, actually!

Okay, kind of went off on a tangent there, but what I meant to say is that even though Cin died 6 years ago, looking at his pictures before Tallulah died and thinking about him was always very bitter sweet. Intensely sad but also a little happy. And that's after 6 years! I'm like that with Tallulah now too, I love seeing her sweet little face and thinking about her, but the sadness is so big. I don't think it will change.

I've been e-mailing back and forth with Lolbunnies this afternoon about which picture she's going to use for Tallulah's portrait, what the background will be, what colors exactly her markings were... Looking at her pictures makes me long to be with her again so badly! Miss you my little Mae Mae Shmoobear.

 

[Jenk]

SnowyShiloh wrote:

...I'm definitely healing from her death, but I think I've pretty much healed as much as I'm going to....I loved Cinnabun as much as her, but since she died, I think about her much more than him. At one point I actually thought I loved him more deeply than her, but now that she's gone, I know that absolutely wasn't true. It's helped me realize how much I love Rory and Skyler, actually!

...I'm like that with Tallulah now too, I love seeing her sweet little face and thinking about her, but the sadness is so big. I don't think it will change.

...Looking at her pictures makes me long to be with her again so badly! Miss you my little Mae Mae Shmoobear.

When the sadness is so big, perhaps all we can do is focus on the love that's available in the present (e.g., your love for Rory and Skyler). :hearts:

Your little Tallulah had a great life with you, despite its brevity. Don't ever lose sight of that. And I'm certain that she'll still come around to visit you and your brood.

 

[hailiejade]

im so sorry for your loss , she was so beautiful , your pictures and videos of her last moments really reminded me of ty ty before he went he was so floppy and i totally understand what you said about the eyes when he did finally pass despite him being dead his eyes still looked as though he was still there which made it so hard to believe he wasnt, hard to explain but felt as though could almost feel/see his soul/spirit in his eyes which was comforting but also very saddening at the same time.

xxxx

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Jen, I so hope you're right! I find myself looking for her sometimes... Not necessarily her in her little bunny form, but other creatures that may seem to carry some of her spirit. On that note, tonight I ran across the perfect name for a little bunny if that bunny seems to be similar to Tallulah, either in spirit or looks or whatever. The name is Talitha. It's pronounced like Tabitha with an L. If you recall, Tallulah was Tabitha for a few hours, and Talitha is like a mix of the two names. It's an Aramaic word and means "little girl", and that's what I called Lu a lot and what I'll undoubtedly call the new bunny. I'm not religious, but there was a part in the Bible where a young girl dies and her parents are very distraught. Jesus comes in, tells everyone the girl is only sleeping and says "talitha cumi" to her, which means "little girl, rise up" to her and brings her back to life. Both the translation of the name and the story are meaningful to me, and the fact that Talitha is a cross between the two names Tallulah was known by is too much not to use it! I like Talitha Marigold. I think it's very pretty and I can call her Lillie Mae- different enough from Tallulah that the bunny will definitely be her own bunny. What do you think?

Hailiejade, I like that those of us who have lost bunnies can get comfort from each other. Both of our babies were so special. Perhaps they're playing together in bunny heaven Tallulah was a very friendly girl so I'm sure she would like him. The eye thing was interesting. After she was dead, I could definitely tell she wasn't in there anymore (though the pictures of her in the towel look very lifelike), but right up until she died it was like she was still in there and not scared, even though she was slipping away. Cinnabun was very sick one time and recovered thankfully, but I really didn't think he would. His eyes were completely dull, like he wasn't there. It was very odd and scary. I was so relieved when he recovered! Then when he actually did die, his eyes were completely dull again the last couple minutes before he passed. I thought all bunnies would be like that.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Well, so far attempts to get our new bunny up here from Anchorage has fallen through three times. THREE. Maybe it's not so much, but I keep getting my hopes up every time... Maybe next time it will work out. I sure hope so

Little Reesie the Holland Lop died today unexpectedly. It's just heartbreaking. Her poor owner. Reese was such an adorable girl, I'm sure her loss is devastating. I wonder how well I would be able to handle losing another Holland Lop. I guess we'll find out one day since I really want another little loppy at some point in the future! Today Mae's been gone for 8 weeks and one day. I knew her for 20 weeks and a few days, she's been gone almost half the amount of time I had her! She made such an impact...

 

[Jenk]

SnowyShiloh wrote:

Well, so far attempts to get our new bunny up here from Anchorage has fallen through three times. THREE. Maybe it's not so much, but I keep getting my hopes up every time... Maybe next time it will work out. I sure hope so

My apologies for offering unsolicited advice: Don't force things in life. If things keep falling through, take it as a sign from the Universe that the timing isn't right. Meanwhile, if you were to keep fighting the signs being given to you, you'll only end up with more frustation. (Take it from someone who has to really work at listening to the Universe--and not argue back with it.)

Little Reesie the Holland Lop died today unexpectedly. It's just heartbreaking. Her poor owner. Reese was such an adorable girl, I'm sure her loss is devastating. I wonder how well I would be able to handle losing another Holland Lop. I guess we'll find out one day since I really want another little loppy at some point in the future! Today Mae's been gone for 8 weeks and one day. I knew her for 20 weeks and a few days, she's been gone almost half the amount of time I had her! She made such an impact...

I'm sorry to learn this sad news about Reese; my thoughts/prayers go out to her owner. ray:

Please do not even entertainthe thought of losing another bun, since such a loss is essentially inevitable. (Admittedly, I struggle with my own advice. :?)

It's hard to believe that Tallulah has been across the Bridge for nearly half the time that she'd spent with you. Wow. That's a sobering thought, sincetime seems to stopwhen we lose a loved one. On a brighter note,you've proof that time does moveforward, which offers us healing (and the strength to love again).

Hugs and kisses to you, sweet Tallulah! :hearts::hug:

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Jenk, it looks like you're right. This evening Paul told me he really doesn't want another bunny right now. If the new girl were already here, it would have been too late! He would actually prefer no bunnies I think, but Rory and Skyler are going no where. He feels our apartment is too small for three, even though we had three before. This is his home too and I want him to be comfortable here, so I am actually the one who proposed that we not get another girl. I love him and want him to be happy! So, I'm pretty sad that I won't get my baby girl to love, and Skyler won't have a buddy, but oh well. He said that when we live somewhere bigger, we could get another bunny. I'm just thankful that I have two wonderful boys to love until then.

In happier news, Tallulah's LOLBunnies portrait is done! Isn't it gorgeous? I love it...

It was taken from one of my favorite pictures of her, a picture of her in her cage that had poor lighting and was a little blurry. I'm so glad to see that picture looking so nice.

The flower is fireweed, a flower you see everywhere here in Alaska in the summer. We also saw it all through Canada, but not as much as here. To me, it looks like Tallulah is running around heaven and came across this one flower that reminds her of home and the people she loved her that she left behind. Seeing it really cheered me up after realizing another bunny girl isn't in my near future. I just wish I could have her back! But because I can't, I'm going to order the biggest print of this available, on the stretched canvas, and hang it in the living room to enjoy.

 

[Bunnicula]

That's a really beautiful portrait of Tallulah. It will look lovely in your home, I am sure.

Sorry that you won't be getting another little girl. But that probably is the best for now. That's kind of the stage we are at with our cats. As they are aging and our numbers slowly declining...we are just adjusting. I have got to admit that it feels a bit strange. But I know it's for the best at this point in our lives.

When the time is right for you, another sweet girl bun will come into your life. And I think the name Talitha and all it's meaning will be perfect.

Hugs to you,
~Mary Ellen

 

[Jenk]

Mary Ellen has already posted my exact thoughts (about the portrait and the timing of getting another bun). So I'll just say that I second them.

Jenk

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Oh gosh, Tallulah's breeder e-mailed me to say she's finding a new home for Tallulah's mama, Olivia. I wish so badly that I could have her:bigtears: I'm so upset... She would be so happy and loved here and it would be like having a little bit of Tallulah back...

Paul said he isn't completely sure WHY he doesn't like the rabbits. He said his feelings towards them changed after Tallulah died but he doesn't know why. It's not because he cared about her so much that he resents the presence of the other two... We had an issue shortly after she died where he was a little jealous of the rabbits because I love them so much, and even though I assured him that I love him more than them, and he says he believes me, this seems to be related to that fear he had.

:cry1:

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Tonight I'm trying to pick Tallulah's urn. I decided to take a break from when I was looking for one a month ago because there were too many choices! I still want a musical jewelry box and have several in mind.

I miss the little curls of fur on the top of Tallulah's ears and how the tips of her ears curled out a bit. I've looked at pictures of other Holland Lops and none of them have either. The fur on her ears was fairly long and so soft and silky...

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Last night I had my first dream that Tallulah wasn't dead or injured in! I don't remember much of it, but I was watching her play on the floor and thinking that I hadn't cuddled her in a long time, and that I should pick her up for a snuggle and pets.

 

[tonyshuman]

That's good. I hope you can remember her as a happy, snuggly, little bunny, playing instead of in pain.:hug:

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Tonyshuman, I'm trying to do just that! Today is the first day that I haven't thought of her last few minutes, only the happy times. I also finally ordered her "urn". There were so many choices before and I just couldn't make up my mind, so I decided to take a step back for a while. Today and yesterday I didn't have to work, so I spent a fair amount of time looking at music boxes, and when I saw this one tonight, I decided it was just right:

https://www.sfmusicbox.com/xq/asp/TID.%7B47359C5C-4A9E-4FA3-9950-9B84DC5B1316%7D/PID.1/IID.601/MGID.2427/qx/product.htm

The size is nice, and the white is sweet and innocent like her. The flowers are pretty but also kind of cute. A lot of the music boxes in this style look a little too "formal" for me, if you will, but this one is pretty much just what I had in mind. It's also $80 cheaper than the other one I liked a lot, so that's good! It plays "How sweet it is to be loved by you" which seems appropriate I also ordered this little hummingbird and rose figurine:

https://www.sfmusicbox.com/xq/asp/TID.%7B47359C5C-4A9E-4FA3-9950-9B84DC5B1316%7D/PID.1/IID.3032/MGID.2385/qx/product.htm

Ever since Tallulah died, hummingbirds have really reminded me of her. Every time I see a picture of one, I think of her. Pink roses have always made me think of her, so this is perfect. I plan to put it by her music box, along with her picture in a pretty frame, and a birdhouse I'm in the process of painting. I know she was a rabbit and not a bird, but delicate little birds remind me of her!

I guess I went a little overboard, but I also ordered this because it's so sweet, not sure where I'm going to put it:

https://www.sfmusicbox.com/xq/asp/TID.%7B47359C5C-4A9E-4FA3-9950-9B84DC5B1316%7D/PID.1/IID.3044/MGID.2385/qx/product.htm

As well as this music boxes to put Cinnabun's ashes in:

https://www.sfmusicbox.com/xq/asp/TID.%7B47359C5C-4A9E-4FA3-9950-9B84DC5B1316%7D/PID.1/IID.2889/MGID.2396/qx/product.htm

I was looking for the perfect urn for Cinnabun's ashes for the longest time after he died! I could never find one that was just right, so in my ceramics class 2 summers ago, I made a larger than life sculpture of him up on his hind legs sniffing the wind. I spent so many hours making it, and carved this little poem on it:

"If tears could build a staircase,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk up to heaven
And bring you home again"

I know that's a pretty common poem, but it always makes me tear up and always makes me think of him. Anyway, the sculpture was hollowed out with a little door on the back so I could put his ashes and leash and favorite toy and stuff in it. I gave it to my mom that Christmas, so I'm happy to finally have a nice urn for him! But I want to have some of his ashes too, so I bought that Peter Rabbit box to put some of them in. It plays Brahm's Lullaby, I used to hum that to Cinnabun when I was little. I plan to buy two tiny glass bottles with corks at the craft store to put their ashes in.

The company I bought these items from ships to Alaska for not too exorbitant of a price, so I don't have to ship it to anyone else first. My order should arrive in 7-9 days