Sakura

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Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you, and hoping your dad is ok.

Please update on you and he when you can.

x
 
AngelnSnuffy wrote:
Best wishes to you, Chelle. I know you hate him, but I know you feel other ways as well. I will be thinking of you as you go through this. Hugs for now!
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I don't hate my dad :?, I hate the things he does but I love him very much.

He's doing well :).

Sakura is good too, and me and the rats and cat and Mat. Gee lots of 'at' names hehe.




 
Somehow I missed the news about your dad - sorry to hear about that.

My dad is 80 and the last time I saw him was 2 years ago - the last time I spoke to him was months and months ago.

I have such mixed feelings about him...he walked out on mom & I when I was 15...then when my kids were about 6 - he totally rejected us as a family (over a stupid misunderstanding). I went over 20 years without seeing him or contacting him much.

I do love him and sometimes I think about calling him - but its all so muddled. I mean - he's like a stranger to me now. A strange I have good memories of...yes....but a stranger none the less.

Anyway - how is Sakura's lump doing - I don't remember an update on that....

Edited to add - DUH...now I see where you say she's doing good...
 
I missed this as well, I'm sorry, I don't know how!

I am glad to hear your dad is doing ok. That can't have made for a fun New Years. Happy New Year by the way!

I'm glad to hear Sakura's doing great too.... Love the last pictures of her in the towel. Boy does she look angry! :p

:hug:
 
Sakura has been sick but she seems 100% fine now, I'm still keeping an eye on her though, she's in a pen in the lounge. She's been doing binkies and digging at the carpet and just flopped out on her side, she's so cute :). She was fine at the vets too and he said she seems well and didn't give her any meds or anything. She has surgery to remove her lump on Wednesdsay.

I don't know why, I should be really happy, but I'm feeling so low. I constantly feel on the verge of tears and my chest is aching with sadness but I have no reason to be feeling like this. It's a lovely sunny day, I've been getting along well with everyone (I think?). Nothing happened, but I just feel on the verge of tears with every breath I take in.

I feel annoyed at myself as well and don't want anyone being nice to me and feel like I need to be told how useless I am.

I've put on weight again lately, all the weight I lost earlier last year, and ARGH, I just suck :(. I'm seriously no good at doing anything.

I'm also really sensitive and it's annoying at the best of times, but I know when I'm like this I shouldn't have conversations with people as I'm going to read too much into what they say and take it the wrong way. There is probably only one person I know who understands me and wouldn't hold it against me for being so grumpy and weird and that's Tracy (Flashy), who is very patient and caring.


One thing I am hoping to not be useless at is the rats though. I've found an exellent article about taming them and I am going to devote a lot of time to getting them to be braver. I think I've been going about it the wrong way and picking them up too often and that's making them scared of my hands.

Cindy blimmin Crawford is on TV looking as good at 41 as she did at 28 too that horrible woman :p haha, grr! She makes me look 50!




 
Have you thought about going back to your doctor? Depression can be triggered by anything, and it could even be a chemical imbalance, so nothing to do with your surroundings and events in your life, maybe now might be a good time to poddle yourself down there?

Given that you have identified me as someone who won't hold things against you I hope you're not going to stop talking to me. I look forward to you coming online and I'd mioss you if you stopped talking. I would then have to tell you you sucked at talking (although that might be something you want to hear :p so maybe I'll not tell you that).

Just know where I am? And if you want a cyber hand holding yours while you call the docs, I can do that :)
 
NZminilops wrote:
I don't know why, I should be really happy, but I'm feeling so low. I constantly feel on the verge of tears and my chest is aching with sadness but I have no reason to be feeling like this. It's a lovely sunny day, I've been getting along well with everyone (I think?). Nothing happened, but I just feel on the verge of tears with every breath I take in.

Maybe you caught it from me over the internet? I was like that several days last week - I was so often on the verge of tears that it wasn't funny.

What was funny was that Robin was pushing me to take St. John's Wort for depression because it was almost as much help to her as her Lexapro..but the more I took it - the worse I felt!

The last 2-3 days I've actually been in a good mood and she's been like, "It's working" and I've been like..."um....I keep forgetting to take it..". :p

 I feel annoyed at myself as well and don't want anyone being nice to me and feel like I need to be told how useless I am.

Hey - you stole my tshirt that says that... :biggrin2: Seriously - I'm at that point so often.

Fortunately - I have Art & Robin to remind me of how hard I am on myself and how I continually beat myself up. They think they're so smart trying to make me feel better - but now I have some more ammunition to beat myself up with (and about) when I get down.

Its just a never ending cycle if I'm not careful!

I've put on weight again lately, all the weight I lost earlier last year, and ARGH, I just suck :(. I'm seriously no good at doing anything.

Oh yeah - been there - done that...just got on the scales the other day and cried. I was back up by about 10 pounds and I didn't think I'd been eating that much. I hate how that weight can creep back on when you're not looking...its so NOT FAIR!

I'm also really sensitive and it's annoying at the best of times, but I know when I'm like this I shouldn't have conversations with people as I'm going to read too much into what they say and take it the wrong way. There is probably only one person I know who understands me and wouldn't hold it against me for being so grumpy and weird and that's Tracy (Flashy), who is very patient and caring.

Flashy is awesome for listening and she really helps. Honestly - I don't mind you being grumpy though - I know what it is like sometimes to be there.

One thing I am hoping to not be useless at is the rats though. I've found an exellent article about taming them and I am going to devote a lot of time to getting them to be braver. I think I've been going about it the wrong way and picking them up too often and that's making them scared of my hands.

Between you & Amy - I'm starting to like rats...that's scary. I hope you either blog about them or continue to write about them in the off-topic area.

I want to say though that you're not useless at bunnies. You give your rabbits excellent care - you just had a run of bad luck over the last several months. I understand what it is like - I really do. The thing is - the more I lost rabbits - the more I felt like a failure at having them - but then I'd look at them and think about the joy they give me - and I just couldn't give up.

Sometimes though - things just happen that we can't control - like Houdini - who got some sort of an insect bite and died no matter how hard I tried to save him (we think it was brown recluse spider or something). Or a few that I've had that got pneumonia and were gone too quickly to save. Sometimes - no matter what we do - its just not enough.

AND IT SUCKS!
Cindy blimmin Crawford is on TV looking as good at 41 as she did at 28 too that horrible woman :p haha, grr! She makes me look 50!


Aw great...so if she makes you look 50 (and I'm 48) - I bet she'll make me look like I'm 75.

If she was on tv right now here - I'd either switch the channel - or throw the remote at the tv.

(I sure am glad the tv isn't on right now... :biggrin2:)
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Flashy wrote:
Just know where I am? And if you want a cyber hand holding yours while you call the docs, I can do that :)
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And I can hold both your hands....(can I get a wine cooler first?)

:biggrin2:
 
I've been on the verge of tears almost every day since December 30. I don't know if it's the season or...well, I don't know. Glad it's not just me!

HUGS all around!!!!
 
i felt the same way today. I had this full fledged panic attack and was crying all over the place earlier. my mom thinks that its 'that time of the month' as the same thing happened last month and the month before.I suggest watching a movie that makes you feel good, i just finished "Singing In The Rain", it is wonderful and i believe it will cheer you up, as it cheered me up.

I hope you feel better.
 
I dunno, I've had a good week, it's just the depression, it's so annoying. Hits me when I least expect it, and for no reason at all.

I think it's because of hormons, I'm pregnant but it's an empty sac. no cells in it, too small for a D&C but I had a scan and they're going to let me miscarry it naturally, so just waiting for that. My hormones are all over the show. Sorry if that is a bit too much information but RO is like a diary and it's very healing to talk on here.

I'm meant to be infertile, or pretty much 99% that way, but have fallen pregnant 6 times in the last couple of years. I've got uterine scaring, cysts, a really wonky titled uterus and a few other issues. The pill messes with other medication I'm taking and has other undesirable side effects (hairy chin, anyone?).

I'm really grateful for those who care and just sorry I'm not making a better effort to reply to you all individually but I will tomorrow. It's really lovely how caring the people on here are.
 
NZminilops wrote:
I dunno, I've had a good week, it's just the depression, it's so annoying. Hits me when I least expect it, and for no reason at all.

Depression can do that to you....its amazing how one day - one moment really - things can go well - and then suddenly - bam - things are bad. I hate that.

I think it's because of hormons, I'm pregnant but it's an empty sac. no cells in it, too small for a D&C but I had a scan and they're going to let me miscarry it naturally, so just waiting for that. My hormones are all over the show. Sorry if that is a bit too much information but RO is like a diary and it's very healing to talk on here.

Oh my goodness....NO WONDER you're depressed. I think I'd be like this...:pullhair: and :banghead and if they had an emoticon for it - curled up in the fetal position bawling my eyes out.

That situation would totally make your hormones go out of whack....big time.

And this is YOUR blog...you talk about whatever you want....we're here for you because we care about you.

I'm meant to be infertile, or pretty much 99% that way, but have fallen pregnant 6 times in the last couple of years. I've got uterine scaring, cysts, a really wonky titled uterus and a few other issues. The pill messes with other medication I'm taking and has other undesirable side effects (hairy chin, anyone?).

I was supposed to be infertile - and it was only cause I accidentally took TWO clomid the same day (Thanksgiving - I couldn't remember if I'd taken a pill or not - so I took one that night) - that I even got pregnant. Then - just a few months after the twins were born - I got pregnant without pills - but lost the baby. I felt guilty forever because I didn't want that baby till about a day before I lost it.

HAIRY CHIN? Gal - Art gets mad at me for using his razor on my chin...I swear sometimes I'm part Gorilla or something....
I'm really grateful for those who care and just sorry I'm not making a better effort to reply to you all individually but I will tomorrow. It's really lovely how caring the people on here are.

Those who care about you - will understand and love you. Those who don't understand....don't matter.

You just do what you can - as you can...

But you gottta accept the hugs - as they're are really and truly meant for you...

:hugsquish:

:hug:
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Just dropping by to send some cuddles.

No wonder you are feeling so all over the place, your hormones must be going crazy, and then the emotional side of knowing whats going on and waiting to miscarry must incredibly hard. Poke me if you need me, ok?

x
 
I semi-know what you're going through (second hand). My sister had that type of miscarriage happen, and she was a wreck. The hormones along with the unhappiness from what happened made her super-emotional. Hormones can suck, eh? We're all here for you, though. :) :hug:
 
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