TinysMom
Well-Known Member
Dear Members,
I wanted to write and address something I said here when I closed a thread yesterday. I oftentimes say it and I think I give people the wrong impression - perhaps they get the impression that I think our members are wrong when they express themselves. I'd like to clear this up.
Several years ago, there was a member on this forum (who is no longer on this forum) who was "trading rabbits" every couple of months. It was hard for me - she had some of my favorite breeds (lionheads and hollands). She'd get them when they were younger and then about the time they hit puberty...she'd trade them for another rabbit. At one point, she shared that she was making a trade with a breeder for a particular rabbit - and since the rabbit she had was one I'd fallen in love with....I was livid. I wanted to call the breeder and take the rabbit (and in fact - I did contact the breeder but she had already decided she'd keep the rabbit and breed it).
About that time - Sas really jumped on me - and I appreciate it now. She pointed out to me - and others - that while we oftentimes get upset by what someone does to their rabbits...we can't FORCE them to change. Yes - if we see a situation where a rabbit is in a dangerous situation - perhaps we can try to get someone to step in from an official standpoint. But we can't just go after people because their choices aren't the ones we'd make.
I almost left the forum - I was so hurt over this. I was angry - angry at Sas for a bit - angry at this member who was trading rabbits. I was angry at myself - for all the energy I was taking from my home and family and how it was starting to even effect my health. It almost got to the point that I hated to come on the forum because I knew there would be people on here who were going to breed rabbits they shouldn't or play "musical rabbits" as they traded back and forth.
Since then, I've learned to try and back off. I don't always succeed at this - but I am at least trying.
Many times we get members coming on the forum - particularly the rabbitry area - and they want to breed rabbits that probably should not be bred. A large percentage of the time - this is teenage girls who don't understand the potential problems that can come with breeding. Often they do not have the maturity to understand about listening to others and learning.
This isn't always the case - but it is frequently the case.
Its hard for me as a moderator - because many times our members will get involved and keep pushing for what they know is best. In my heart of hearts, I'm agreeing with them - BUT - I see the original poster pushing back - getting defensive - getting angry.
When that happens - it is hard to reason with someone - to get them to listen.
It reminds me of the old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
What you may not know - is that oftentimes - a moderator (or two) may be working behind the scenes to reason with that person. Sometimes they will listen to one person if that person can present things in a less heated manner (usually means I can't be involved since I get upset too!)
So when I close a thread - or when I post in a thread about us not being the rabbit police - it isn't that I'm telling you that you're wrong for what you're thinking. It is because either the member is being perceived to be a troll and we're dealing with it - or we're trying to deal with a member and hoping we can get through - or simply that the person's mind is made up and that any additional comments are going to be about as effective as this:
:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead
While you may not feel like YOU are beating your head against a wall (even though the original poster may be ignoring you or writing heated comments back)- it makes me beat my head against a wall. You see - I have to not only read YOUR post (which may be fine) but deal with all the additional posts in response to your post.
I have seen some wonderfully written posts where I sat back and cheered...only to have someone come back and totally rip it apart or be sarcastic or whatever. It makes more work for the moderators.
I want to close this with an apology. If I came across (or come across) as heavy-handed, I really don't mean to seem that way - and I apologize. It isn't that I disagree with our members - and many times I agree with what you're saying.
But if I feel like someone is not going to listen and all it is going to do is upset people - and if I've gotten complaints about a thread - I will close it for what I feel is the best interests of the board.
Behind the scenes - I'll probably be beating my head against the wall because I'm agreeing with everyone - but see no use of continuing the argument because someone won't listen.
I hope you understand.
Peg
I wanted to write and address something I said here when I closed a thread yesterday. I oftentimes say it and I think I give people the wrong impression - perhaps they get the impression that I think our members are wrong when they express themselves. I'd like to clear this up.
Several years ago, there was a member on this forum (who is no longer on this forum) who was "trading rabbits" every couple of months. It was hard for me - she had some of my favorite breeds (lionheads and hollands). She'd get them when they were younger and then about the time they hit puberty...she'd trade them for another rabbit. At one point, she shared that she was making a trade with a breeder for a particular rabbit - and since the rabbit she had was one I'd fallen in love with....I was livid. I wanted to call the breeder and take the rabbit (and in fact - I did contact the breeder but she had already decided she'd keep the rabbit and breed it).
About that time - Sas really jumped on me - and I appreciate it now. She pointed out to me - and others - that while we oftentimes get upset by what someone does to their rabbits...we can't FORCE them to change. Yes - if we see a situation where a rabbit is in a dangerous situation - perhaps we can try to get someone to step in from an official standpoint. But we can't just go after people because their choices aren't the ones we'd make.
I almost left the forum - I was so hurt over this. I was angry - angry at Sas for a bit - angry at this member who was trading rabbits. I was angry at myself - for all the energy I was taking from my home and family and how it was starting to even effect my health. It almost got to the point that I hated to come on the forum because I knew there would be people on here who were going to breed rabbits they shouldn't or play "musical rabbits" as they traded back and forth.
Since then, I've learned to try and back off. I don't always succeed at this - but I am at least trying.
Many times we get members coming on the forum - particularly the rabbitry area - and they want to breed rabbits that probably should not be bred. A large percentage of the time - this is teenage girls who don't understand the potential problems that can come with breeding. Often they do not have the maturity to understand about listening to others and learning.
This isn't always the case - but it is frequently the case.
Its hard for me as a moderator - because many times our members will get involved and keep pushing for what they know is best. In my heart of hearts, I'm agreeing with them - BUT - I see the original poster pushing back - getting defensive - getting angry.
When that happens - it is hard to reason with someone - to get them to listen.
It reminds me of the old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
What you may not know - is that oftentimes - a moderator (or two) may be working behind the scenes to reason with that person. Sometimes they will listen to one person if that person can present things in a less heated manner (usually means I can't be involved since I get upset too!)
So when I close a thread - or when I post in a thread about us not being the rabbit police - it isn't that I'm telling you that you're wrong for what you're thinking. It is because either the member is being perceived to be a troll and we're dealing with it - or we're trying to deal with a member and hoping we can get through - or simply that the person's mind is made up and that any additional comments are going to be about as effective as this:
:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead
While you may not feel like YOU are beating your head against a wall (even though the original poster may be ignoring you or writing heated comments back)- it makes me beat my head against a wall. You see - I have to not only read YOUR post (which may be fine) but deal with all the additional posts in response to your post.
I have seen some wonderfully written posts where I sat back and cheered...only to have someone come back and totally rip it apart or be sarcastic or whatever. It makes more work for the moderators.
I want to close this with an apology. If I came across (or come across) as heavy-handed, I really don't mean to seem that way - and I apologize. It isn't that I disagree with our members - and many times I agree with what you're saying.
But if I feel like someone is not going to listen and all it is going to do is upset people - and if I've gotten complaints about a thread - I will close it for what I feel is the best interests of the board.
Behind the scenes - I'll probably be beating my head against the wall because I'm agreeing with everyone - but see no use of continuing the argument because someone won't listen.
I hope you understand.
Peg
