Tallulah Maesie, the angel bunny

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Jan, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who still has medicine in the fridge. I toss medicine containers from my living bunnies without a problem. And :hugsquish: to you and to Larry.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I've been up for well over 24 hours by this point. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so sad right now. I cried about Tallulah for the first time in a while. I miss everything about her- how soft her fur was, how she followed me everywhere and always wanted to be with me, how she'd do anything to get food, the warmth of her brown eyes, how sweet and little she was... And I remember how her eyes still looked bright and alive as she was dying and after she was dead, which completely confused me. Cinnabun was once so sick that his eyes were completely dead looking, and he recovered. But Tallulah's eyes still looked alive when she was dead. And I think how maybe she would still be alive if I'd got her to the vet sooner. I remember how her death was even harder because only seconds before she passed, hope started to grow in my heart and I thought maybe she would make it if we could get her to the emergency vet, but then her back arched and her lips pulled back from her teeth and her bowels were emptied on me. She did it a few times, and I don't remember ever in my life being more horrified. It would have been less painful if someone had been stabbing me in the leg.

I've had many small pets over the years, and while I've loved them all, there were three that had super special places in my heart. Cinnabun, Tallulah, and my cockatiel named Little Bird who suffered from many health problems too. Two of my hamsters, Hammie and Leonie, were also extra special. I'm missing them all right now. Ugh.
 
I miss my baby girl so much :( You know I love Phoebe Mae a ton, but I was thinking tonight about HOW CLOSE I came to adopting Tallulah's mommy. Do you guys remember? I was looking at this breeder's website, and when I refreshed the page, there was Tallulah's mother. The breeder had sold her mom to someone else and I just happened to be on the exact page when she added the photo and description. Her mom was for sale, I was going to be in Washington the next week, and Paul had said I could bring home another bunny. It was perfect. I was so close to getting her. She looked like Tallulah. But the breeder who bought her from Tallulah's breeder flipped the heck out on me when I e-mailed her- I seriously think she had something going on mentally. You guys know that I'm pretty mild mannered, nice, and a good bunny mommy, and I absolutely didn't say anything that warranted her bizarre reaction. Then after all of it, the breeder blamed ME because it was MY fault I wouldn't be adopting the bunny and probably no one would be interested in her.

There were a couple threads about the ordeal, but I had Bo B Bunny delete them because I was afraid of them causing even more drama. On my trip to Washington the next week, I got my little Phoebsie. I don't regret her at all, but I wonder what it would have been like if I could have brought Mae Mae's mommy home. I wonder where she is now and if she's finally a beloved pet. She certainly deserves it.

I miss my little girl and what could have been :( The fact that it's almost 6 am and I have to get up in 2 hours may be making me feel worse than usual.

Do you guys think I'll ever find another bunny like her? Phoebe Mae and Ned have both come along since Tallulah, and I adore both of them, they're both super sweet and funny and cute, but I could tell right away that they weren't "her". Making it worse is that there are 2 Holland Lops on Craigslist here and I've never seen one on Craigslist in this town. I really want another little Holland Loppy girl!
 
I can only answer your question from my personal experience.

Different breeds have different personalities and I honestly think a lot of her personality came from her being a lop....based on my experience with lops. I've had some lops that were so much fun and others that were so-so...not so loving, etc.

So I think a lot of who she was is based on that - and another lop COULD be a better match for you (Art is partial to lops).

However - another bunny like her? No - not really. I mean - they'll be a lot like her in general personality and stuff...but it probably will never be the same.

I've had Tiny and Zeus and now my five flemish. They all share certain characteristics...but honestly...none of them are like Tiny. Its taken me a while to accept that - but now I'm ok with it and enjoy them for who they are.

I wish I had a better answer for you - maybe someone else will have had a better experience.
 
Peg, you've been so kind and loving regarding Tallulah over the past year and a half! I really appreciate it, as well as your insight. It will certainly be interesting to have another Holland Lop someday. Phoebe Mae is half Holland, but I think she has more of a Mini Rex personality. She's a darling, sweet girl, but full of spunk and attitude. Does that sound rexy? Tallulah was full of sweetness, innocence and love. She occasionally had her moments, but always seemed really innocent and feminine. If they were people, Phoebe Mae would be an awesome, cool, super outspoken tomboy engineer and Tallulah would be a sweet little girl in a poofy dress with bows in her pigtails.

Tallulah had the warmest eyes of any of my bunnies. They were such a rich brown color and she had long eyelashes... You could see her personality shining out of her eyes. I was so confused because when she was dying, and even after she died, her eyes STILL looked bright and alive. My first bunny was terribly sick once and his eyes were completely devoid of light that night, it was like he left his body for a few hours. They were like marbles. Thankfully the life returned to his eyes when he started feeling better, but when he died, his eyes looked empty. I looked through some photos of Tallulah to see if I could find any of her really expressive eyes, and these kind of do:

RoryandTallulah270.jpg


RoryandTallulah089.jpg


You can just tell by looking at her that she's lonely and wants Rory to like her and come over and be friends instead of biting her.

Maybe it was all in my imagination and her eyes were like every other bunny's, I don't know.

I really want to have another Holland Lop one day. I'm partial to broken torts (and other broken colors) and always will be, but the color doesn't matter.

I'm curious about something else. I have had 6 bunnies. I love all of them to bits. My feelings about them are different though... With three of them, I feel/felt very, very deep, soulful, emotional bonds and connection. The other three, I absolutely love and feel bonded to, but it's not that sort of raw love. Cinnabun, Tallulah and Rory had/have the super deep bond, and Phoebe Mae, Skyler and Ned have the other one. Why do you think that is? Did I run out of that really deep love? Cinny, Lula and Rory were my first three bunnies after all.
 
I don't know so much if it is that you've run out of the really deep love as much as maybe right now you're still numb and hurting too much to feel that deeply.

Its like if you get hurt and it scars over...sometimes the scars make things a bit "tougher".

I don't think it means you won't love as deeply again - I just think you still need time to heal.

What I'm about to say is not meant to be an insult - please don't take it that way...ok?

In many ways - you remind me of myself for the first year or so after I lost Tiny. I tried replacing him - with the dogs...with other bunnies. Everywhere I looked and everyone (animal) I looked at - I was looking for Tiny again.

During that time I had other animals - but I wasn't really able to connect with them....partly because I was still looking for Tiny (and in my heart - I probably always will be halfway looking for another rabbit like him).

I was finally able to let go of Tiny when I brought Zeus into our bedroom and allowed myself (and at times - forced myself) to get attached to him.

Once I started getting close to Zeus...the desire for Tiny lessened and wasn't as painful....because I was willing to accept the void being filled by someone who really was different than Tiny.

I hope I've made sense. I really think you still need time to grieve before you can get closer to another bunny. You never know - you may develop that heart bond with another one of your rabbits once you've healed some more. We had Zeus over a year (and I loved him - but not as a heart bunny) - before I really bonded with him and he now is my heart bunny.

I wish I could be there to give you a hug.

I hope you have another Holland lop someday...I miss Puck so much sometimes....to me he was a holland with a lot of spunk. I still laugh (and almost cry) when I remember him standing in front of the vacuum cleaner at 6 weeks of age and not letting Art use it. He was ready to attack it if needed....

So often I see broken black hollands and I think of him and want him back....and I say to myself.."someday".

Anyway - I'm sorry for what you're going through and feeling....
 
Peg, I seem to go through phases. I think about her every day, but I don't dwell on her most of the time. Getting Phoebe Mae honestly helped me more than anything else. It was bittersweet because she wasn't Tallulah, but she really helped me and did a pretty good job of filling the hole in my heart! I would be lost if she (or Ned or Skyler) died. When we got Ned, it was a purely enjoyable experience. No sad feelings at all, just happy to have him. I wasn't really looking for her in him.

I promise that I DO love and treasure all of my bunnies, I just seem to have an even deeper connection with some of them. I don't even know if it's necessarily loving them more, it's just more intense.

Look at this precious baby:

http://pics.hoobly.com/full/WGG9F2LBG1FHTPILGV.jpg

She's so sweet! Same breed and markings as Tallulah, but she certainly doesn't look like my girl. Really cute though!
 
I don't think you will ever feel the same about another bunny the way you did Tallulah - she was unique. I believe the love we have for our babies is different for each one - we love them for different reasons. I think of my 3 Bridge babies every day, and depending what mood I'm in or what has happened that day, I'll tend to think of one more than the other two, if that makes sense.

Like Peg, it took me time after Pernod to feel the way I do about Jester (Shadow already had a place in my heart), but now I adore the little bundle of trouble. Is he Pernod? No! But he has his own loveable characteristics.

You and Tallulah had a special bond, be proud of that. Perhaps you going through 'phases' is her way of letting you know she's still around, and remember her.

:hug: Jan

 
Peg, I've been thinking about it more, and I think you're right! And Luvabun, thanks for the kind note. It's so hard losing them.
 
Wow, I feel like a bad bunny mom. I've had it in my head for the longest time that Tallulah passed away on May 28th, not May 29th! Last year I had my little memorial for her on May 28th and we made Ned's birthday be May 28th too. I wonder why I thought it was the 28th?

Mae Mae is no longer my most recent bunny loss. Sweet Skyler went to join her on May 13th. I held him as he died and right before he took his last breath, I asked him to say hi to Cinny and Mae Mae for me since I knew his little soul was about to fly up there to them. This may sound weird, but the mental image of Cinnabun, Tallulah and Skyler frolicking in heaven together- my trio of beloved, darling babies- is pretty heartwarming. I can imagine them so well running and playing together.

As you can imagine, Skyler's death has made me think of Tallulah more than usual lately. Don't get me wrong- she's never been far from my mind- but his passing just makes me think of her passing and losing her. It's kind of interesting. I got Tallulah at the very beginning of January and she died at the very end of May. 5 short months that seemed so long. It was plenty of time for me to fall hopelessly in love with Tallulah. Skyler was diagnosed with EC in the middle of December, and died in the middle of May. Almost exactly 5 months later. I have to say that Skyler's 5 months seemed like much less time than Tallulah's. Another kind of odd thing is that Cinnabun, Tallulah and Skyler all died in May. My grandma died in May too, actually on the same day as Cinnabun but 3 years later. All the people/animals that have passed away who I treasured the most died in this month. What are the chances of that?

As always, I love and miss my little Tallulah. My heart aches for the day that I'll have another little Holland Lop girl to love. Truth be told, I've not been able to bond as closely to another bunny since Tallulah. Maybe it's because she was so special? Maybe because my heart decided to guard itself by not loving something else that deeply again? I don't know. I feel guilty about it, but I do love Ned and Phoebe Mae like crazy too, I'm certain more than the average pet owner (I don't mean people on this forum and am not trying to insult anyone with that line!). But there's always been a distance of some sort.

I do have the same kind of love for Rory that I did for Cinnabun and Tallulah though, but I got him before I got Lula so my Rory love was already very well established before she passed away. In all honesty, if I'd been asked the day that she died to pick between Rory and Tallulah, I wouldn't have been able to make that decision because the thought of losing either of them would have been equally unbearable.

Okay, enough yammering!
 
you have a whole bunny community here to share your sadness, everyone here understands the heartbreak you are feeling and that in itself is comforting. so sorry about your loss :hug:
 
Today is 2 years since my little baby girl broke my heart. I couldn't believe how much pain I was in when she died, or for how long it lasted. I'll always miss my little Mae Mae. Perhaps someday I'll find another bunny like her. We're going to the jewelry store in a little while to choose and order our wedding bands and I can't decide if that's a GOOD thing to do on this day or not!
 
I miss my sweet baby girl! I hope that someday, a little Holland Lop girl will call to me... I was watching videos of Happibun's Felix and he reminded me of Tallulah, even though they look nothing alike.
 
I'm copying and pasting part of this from my blog:

Tallulahlookalike.jpg


LOOK at this baby girl :shock: I saw her picture and my breath caught in my throat and it felt like my blood drained out my feet. She looks like Tallulah's twin. Tallulah didn't have white on her ear, but they're both broken torts. She is one of Tallulah's cousins- the parents are from the same breeder Tallulah's parents came from (but not where Lula herself came from). Also, looking at the breeder's other rabbits, Tallulah's full blood brother is listed as this little girl's uncle. Amazing. It's SO obvious they're from the same lines because this little bunny has Lula's face and body, in addition to the same markings. She has Tallulah's beautiful brown eyes, too. Looking at the breeder's other Hollands, none of them really look like Tallulah except for her. If it wasn't for the white ear, I would honestly think I was looking at a picture of my baby. This girl has already been sold, and it probably wouldn't be good anyway for me to have another rabbit that looks SO MUCH like her, but... wow. I have to admit though, I would snatch her up in a heartbeat if she was actually available and not a 1000+ miles away! What a sweetie.

(okay, that's the end of what's in my blog)

I found this picture a good half an hour ago and am still in shock. I never expected to find a bunny that looks soooooo much like her and is actually related to her. I think it's a GOOD THING that this bunny has already been sold (she's on the breeder's "for sale" page, but is marked as sold). I know Tallulah isn't coming back, and it's been 2 years, and I think I've "recovered" from her death by now, but seeing another bunny like that is just mind blowing. She's so precious. It's like Tallulah is hopping around still. It actually makes me kind of glad to imagine this little one, bouncing around, happy and healthy. I really hope that her new owners are good people who will love her as fiercely as I loved Tallulah. She was on the breeder's for sale page as a pet or a breeder (and sold for $95), but I hope she becomes a pet.

Also, Paul and I are going to get another bunny in a few months. We discussed it last night. I'm absolutely SET on it being a Holland Lop. I wanted a Holland back when we got Phoebe Mae (she's part Holland) and feel so fortunate to have my little Phoebsie girl and don't regret that she's more Rexy than Loppy. Phoebe Mae helped me heal from Tallulah's death more than anything else could have. I love her so much! But I am ready for another Holland Lop :D
 
I hope Tallulah is enjoying her time up in heaven:pray:That rabbit is very cute and I'm getting a holland lop too!
 
Today is 4 years since my little Lula girl died :( I knew her for 5 short months, but I loved her deeply and nothing has been the same since she died. Miss you, baby girl! I've been lucky enough to be "mom" to 5 more bunnies since she died and unlucky enough to have held 2 of them in my arms as they died. I love them all, but none of them can take my Mae Mae's place.

The one source of consolation is that through some strange coincidence, 4 of our 6 bun buns have their birthdays in the next couple of days: Ned (whose birthday was unknown and I gave him May 29 so we could have something to celebrate on this day), Kerensa whose birthday is for sure on June 1, and little Maximus and Mabel who will be one sometime this week. We're going to have a bunny birthday bash for all 4.
 
Shiloh, my thoughts are with you today. It so hard to loose your heart bunny :bunnyangel:especially one so young.:(

She was one very lucky bunny to have you as a Mommie.

Big Hugs:hug1

Susan:pink iris:


 
:bunnyangel: This kind of anniversary is the hardest on all of us. When my first rabbit, Commander Bun-Bun passed, I was so upset and it still makes me weepy. She wasn't our first to go to the bridge, she was the first we rescued--she was the beginning of our life long bunny addiction. Rest in peace and binky free little girl.
 
Larry, Lula wasn't my first to die, either. My childhood bunny died when I was 17 :( He was 7. I miss him every day, too! He was my only bunny and it was so, so grim and dreary without any bunnies around for the next 5 years until I got Rory. So glad I have my other bun buns to focus on now!
 
How can I still miss Lu so much? I was thinking about her and looking at pictures and was shocked to see that she had little dark spots on her ears. I had forgotten! How could I forget anything about her?!
 
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