whiskylollipop
Laura the Bunsnuggler
Need some big-sisterly advice from the community. I don't trust my boyfriend. He has hidden things from me in the past and I feel he continues to hide things. He won't let me use his phone, for example. We have been together 3 years, live together, and as I am a student and only have a part-time job, he pays about 70% of the rent/bills. So I am kinda dependent on him. This is my first serious relationship and I have no one to turn to, no mom or anything, so here I am pouring it all out on a forum.
It gets a little bit NSFW. Kids under 16 and strong traditionalists should probably stop reading now.
He has an ex and a daughter. He is a good dad. He will swear up and down about how much he hates his awful ex and only communicates with her regarding their daughter, but a few days ago he accidentally sent me a text meant for his ex. While it was not a romantic/sexual text, it was worded very...intimately, like how you might text a sister or best friend. I didn't pursue it but I felt a bit deceived.
We fight quite a bit, but generally he treats me well. But the relationship feels primarily sexual on his part. I don't know.
He has a not high-paying but still decent white-collar job, yet never has money for anything. Last time we went on a date was 8 months ago. I have to buy him clothes. Small red flag?
So going by my increasingly unsettled gut feeling, I utilised certain skills (blind guessing and luck - lol) to bypass his security password on his phone and snooped his texts and emails.
Things I discovered:
So there's my wild night of phone snooping and heartbreak. What do I do? What does this mean? Am I insane? I feel insane.
It gets a little bit NSFW. Kids under 16 and strong traditionalists should probably stop reading now.
He has an ex and a daughter. He is a good dad. He will swear up and down about how much he hates his awful ex and only communicates with her regarding their daughter, but a few days ago he accidentally sent me a text meant for his ex. While it was not a romantic/sexual text, it was worded very...intimately, like how you might text a sister or best friend. I didn't pursue it but I felt a bit deceived.
We fight quite a bit, but generally he treats me well. But the relationship feels primarily sexual on his part. I don't know.
He has a not high-paying but still decent white-collar job, yet never has money for anything. Last time we went on a date was 8 months ago. I have to buy him clothes. Small red flag?
So going by my increasingly unsettled gut feeling, I utilised certain skills (blind guessing and luck - lol) to bypass his security password on his phone and snooped his texts and emails.
Things I discovered:
- He signed up on a dating website in July. An Asian dating website. I am Asian. This grosses me out and makes me feel fetishized... anyway, not the point. He apparently last logged in 5 days ago.
- He does not appear to have actually contacted anyone on the website. Nor did he post pics. But he did fill out the long "About Me" list quite accurately, calling himself athletic and attractive. Ha.
- Possibly the reason for this is that there is some uncertainty in our relationship, my dad wants me to go back to my home country after I graduate. So boyfriend's been scared I'd leave him. Still he always said he wanted me to stay, wants to marry me, grow old with me. Would a guy who truly felt that way sign up on a dating site as a "back up" to replace me so easily if I left?
- He asked his ex (a pharmacist) for lube and a box of condoms. She texted back that lol, he goes through a lot of lube. We do not use lube or condoms. I have never seen any bottles of lube or condoms anywhere in our apartment.
- However, we have talked about starting to use condoms as the pill messes me up a bit. But he says he hates using condoms though. I have not ever pressured him to get some.
- His ex once texted him that he "got her pregnant under false pretenses." What does that even mean. He's cagey when he tells me about how she got pregnant. First it was, they thought he was sterile, then it gradually changed to "condom broke". I don't even know what to think.
- He calls his daughter by the same affectionate nickname he calls me. I am icked out forever.
- He is quite affectionate with his ex at times, calling her "silly", "dear", etc. But they are clearly not romantically involved, just close. Why would he lie about that.
- I did not find any solidly incriminating cheating texts/emails.
So there's my wild night of phone snooping and heartbreak. What do I do? What does this mean? Am I insane? I feel insane.