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audrinasmommy88

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Just need to get a few things off my mind...my husband has been golfing 4 times this week....which adds up to $100. I told him not to ask me to go golfing anymore for a month after all the golfing and money he has spent this week. Plus he hasnt spent anytime with me and Audrina. Well he asked me if he could go golfing today, and me not knowing how to tell him no, said "Sure, but this is the last time for awhile" (which I had already said before). Well, because he went golfing, I decided to take Audrina to Water Country since it was so hot out today. We stayed for 2 hours. No big deal, or so I thought. And by the way, I only spent 3 dollars, which was to fill up our cup 3 times....its 96 cents each time....please explain to me why my husband is so angry with me for going to Water Country? It makes no sense to me! He has the biggest attitude with me right now. Its not like he wanted to go. He hates crowds and he gets bored easily. So i spent quality time with our daughter. Something he hasnt done in weeks. And its not like he wanted to do anything with us, because if he did, he wouldnt have gone golfing today and he wouldnt have been asleep when we got home...I really just want to slap him:X
 

ZRabbits

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Maybe he's worried about your health and your unborn baby? Aren't you having problems with the heat? Plus maybe feeling guilty now for going golfing?

I, at first had a hard time saying "No", or "just this one time". and then feeling angry at myself. Then getting mad at the person I didn't say "No" to. Learn to just say No and then give my reasoning for it. Does clear the air.

Just my thoughts. I think it's time to sit down and have a long talk. But in a calm matter. Shouting or angry words just make the situation worse.

K
 

audrinasmommy88

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I do really well as long as I'm in the water where I can stay cool. We go to the neighborhood pool almost every day and I do fine with it. He knows that. Half the time hes the one who tells me to go to the pool so I can at least get out of the house. I think he is having male PMS. Im so over it
 

ZRabbits

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I've never dealt with Male PMS, so I'm at a loss on that one.

Glad you are so over it. Not good for the baby to be upset.

K
 

BunMommaD

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My hubs and I had this issue when we were first married... He had been single and living at home prior to our marriage and he golfed 6/7 times a WEEK!!! So when we got married and he started to continue that... Ummm we had a problem! ;) not only the money but I need him home with me! It took a long talk with me, a sit down "man to man" talk with his dad (explaining to him that before golf was his "wife" but NOW I was, so I needed his attention) And us creating a budget for him to "get it" he now, 6 years later goes about twice a month... Only because of our budget, it's an expensive sport and right now we just can't afford it!
 

ZRabbits

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Wow, really glad I had a Man with his priority straight when I married him. His mother raised him well.

No dorks or Male PMS. 21 years and still counting.

Hope it all settles down for you.

K
 

BunMommaD

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My husband was raised very well too :) we were just very young when we got married and he had never lived on his own... We also got married really fast lol from first meeting to wedding day was less than 5 months :) it was right, so we didn't wanna wait... And I don't regret it for a minute! But I do think that it was the cause for a bigger adjustment for both of us into married life! At this point things couldn't be better, but no one is perfect :)
 

audrinasmommy88

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Im glad someone understands. The problem is his mother let him and his brother do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted and he seems to think its okay to do that with me. But im not helping the situation by always saying YES. So Im stuck in a catch 22....I really need to learn to say no.
 

BunMommaD

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audrinasmommy88 wrote:
Im glad someone understands. The problem is his mother let him and his brother do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted and he seems to think its okay to do that with me. But im not helping the situation by always saying YES. So Im stuck in a catch 22....I really need to learn to say no.
That is a hard thing to learn! But it's important! I found the last few years, instead of just saying no... Since I'm not his mother! I say, "you think going golfing today is best for our family?" "if you think so, that's fine... But we sure would love to spend the day with you" the key is, if you go that route make sure you aren't gonna be upset if he goes anyway! If you are, a simple NO is best!

Perhaps a discussion about why he wants to go so often? If he feeling overwhelmed with life? Work? The new baby coming? That he feels he needs to escape? Maybe he is afraid to talk to you about it all, cuz he doesn't think you'll get it? Of course these are just guesses based n things I've been through with my hubby... You are NOT alone! I LOVE being married and wouldn't change it for anything in the world!! EVER!! But marriage isn't easy! But it's so worth the work :)
 

fuzz16

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we had this issue...he works i stay home so i dont make any money. he uses his tip money for pleasures now though, and i dont ask for it. i do a lot of free things with the kids, then every few weeks ill go out. he haaated me going out and spending money on me because it wasnt my money and i was spending money to go drink with my friends..which one is a guy thats my sisters ex and been in the family for yeeears. i think mines issue was more insecurity, but if he gets upset with you going out then maybe its a control issue where he hasnt learned to realize you need to go out too. i know mine doesnt get that i need to get out, staying home will drive me nuts, so even if its to walmart to walk around for a few hours with the kids its nice. and i think he is being kinda selfish using that much money every week for personal things instead of something you two can do together. which honestly...hes not single. hes a dad. he should be concentrating on his family and while getting out is nice and all, spending all that time away isnt healthy for his relationship with you or his daughter.
 

MyJuneAngel

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Golf! :X

My husband and I have known each other for 23 years. We have been together for 18 and married for 14 and the ONLY fights we have had started over golf or bowling. I have my hobbies so I can understand where he is coming from but it gets frustrating and family definitely needs to come first. My husband hasn't bowled on league since our son was born 6 years ago and he hasn't golfed in about a year. I'm actually kind of hoping he'll start going again and take our kids with him because they used to go and they miss it.
 

LakeCondo

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You probably won't have to say no, or at least so often if, when he asks, you say "what could we do together instead?" or ask why or something so you're not seen as the mother he should have had. Adults have responsibilities, especially when they have a family. He's at that awkward age: not a boy but not old enough or financially secure enough to retire.
 
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One things that has helped us(38 years) is to keep a schedule/diary on the calendar. Right there in plain sight what's been done for the month and also what we still want to do. Hard to call someone on one activity when you've done 7 or 8 to their 1.
 

LakeCondo

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Larry, you are mature. I hope other guys will follow in your footsteps. And women too. Having rules & organization helps to keep family life in balance. Give & take, empathy, etc.

Rachel, he may be overwhelmed by becoming a biological dad for the 1st time [I assume]. If so, his way of handling it, isn't mature; more the "if I keep busy I won't think about it" approach. I hope he grows out of it, at least by the time your kids do.
 

audrinasmommy88

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orlena, you might be right about that because everytime I try to talk to him about the baby, he gets very stand offish and tries to change the subject. he keeps telling me "this is my first time dealing with this, while this is your third" I had a still born in 2007. I try to keep that in mind, but we have to talk about stuff. I mean even the simple stuff like what we need for the baby. I just dont know how to approach these conversations. Im kinda feeling alone in this pregnancy. He has 27 weeks to get it together...i just hope he gets ready before the baby gets here or he is going to be in a world of trouble
 
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