rpuckett
Well-Known Member
I know nearly everyone hates their job. And I have always been anxious (never been to the doctor about it because I am afraid of telling people face to face because of the stigma of anxiety and depression).
But I know that my job has made it worse. I dread going into work so badly that I think about wrecking my car or harming myself somehow so I don't have to go. I am late on the days I can force myself in because I am terrified of losing my job as I miss at least one day every week to two weeks. I have also developed ritualistic thinking patterns, and I fear they may be associated with OCD. I just don't want it to get better, and I don't want to tell anyone I know because of my fear of seeming weak or whiny, that I should just toughen up and handle things, that everyone has to do things they don't want to do. I know I need to see a doctor.
I am late right now, sitting here crying after leaving the house, getting half way down the first road to the interstate, and I had to turn around because of my fear that I had left the door open, the stove on, and the rabbits loose.
It's bizarre, panic and depression have never bothered me like this, and on days where I am off and taking care of my house/pets, I feel safe and have more days that aren't filled with laying curled up in a ball feeling alone and defeated and like nothing will ever be right.
I guess I am just venting, and I welcome advice or opinions, and I know I should go see a doctor. Maybe someone can help me build a little courage to tell someone.
But I know that my job has made it worse. I dread going into work so badly that I think about wrecking my car or harming myself somehow so I don't have to go. I am late on the days I can force myself in because I am terrified of losing my job as I miss at least one day every week to two weeks. I have also developed ritualistic thinking patterns, and I fear they may be associated with OCD. I just don't want it to get better, and I don't want to tell anyone I know because of my fear of seeming weak or whiny, that I should just toughen up and handle things, that everyone has to do things they don't want to do. I know I need to see a doctor.
I am late right now, sitting here crying after leaving the house, getting half way down the first road to the interstate, and I had to turn around because of my fear that I had left the door open, the stove on, and the rabbits loose.
It's bizarre, panic and depression have never bothered me like this, and on days where I am off and taking care of my house/pets, I feel safe and have more days that aren't filled with laying curled up in a ball feeling alone and defeated and like nothing will ever be right.
I guess I am just venting, and I welcome advice or opinions, and I know I should go see a doctor. Maybe someone can help me build a little courage to tell someone.