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Severe Job Anxiety (probably just severe anxiety)

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rpuckett

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I know nearly everyone hates their job. And I have always been anxious (never been to the doctor about it because I am afraid of telling people face to face because of the stigma of anxiety and depression).

But I know that my job has made it worse. I dread going into work so badly that I think about wrecking my car or harming myself somehow so I don't have to go. I am late on the days I can force myself in because I am terrified of losing my job as I miss at least one day every week to two weeks. I have also developed ritualistic thinking patterns, and I fear they may be associated with OCD. I just don't want it to get better, and I don't want to tell anyone I know because of my fear of seeming weak or whiny, that I should just toughen up and handle things, that everyone has to do things they don't want to do. I know I need to see a doctor.

I am late right now, sitting here crying after leaving the house, getting half way down the first road to the interstate, and I had to turn around because of my fear that I had left the door open, the stove on, and the rabbits loose.

It's bizarre, panic and depression have never bothered me like this, and on days where I am off and taking care of my house/pets, I feel safe and have more days that aren't filled with laying curled up in a ball feeling alone and defeated and like nothing will ever be right.

I guess I am just venting, and I welcome advice or opinions, and I know I should go see a doctor. Maybe someone can help me build a little courage to tell someone.
 

Dashinthezoo

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First, calm down. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. Try to imagine yourself as Mr. Spock from Star Trek...(okay, funny images, I know, but this always helps me.) Is your anxiety logical? What is it that is causing the anxiety? Is it a person? A task? The environment? The commute?

Second, you need to find a therapist or psychiatrist. There are usually quite a lot of resources per city and the nice thing is that you are in or near a large city.

Lastly, you aren't the only one. Anxiety is fairly common, along with depression and often both are treated similarly. I suffer from PTSD and lost my last job because I couldn't come out and say what was wrong with me. I worried too much about the stigma of having the mental illness. Its not your fault. And if anyone judges you for it, well, they don't deserve to know you!! An employer cannot discriminate against you for it either. However, you do need to seek help for it.

Like I said, I've learned some coping mechanisms - one being imagining myself as Mr. Spock. Often this involves cutting off all stimuli so I can get into that frame of mind. I used to go into the bathroom at work and turn off the lights and lock the door for a few minutes. If I am driving and start to feel anxious, I start talking to myself and trying to reason out my anxiety.

I'm just going to keep reiterating - you can't do this on your own. You do need to find help. This is a big thing and its scary, but there are people trained to help you through it.
 

gmas rabbit

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There are lots of us out here that suffer from depression and anxiety, from an occasional to a more full time basis. Part of my problem is the lack of sunshine in the winter. Don't know what Ohio is like, but here it chalks in solid for days on end. Light therapy is a good option for those of us who live in areas that get little or no sunshine in the winter. Yoga, taking walks, eating well and finding a support group also help. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. If you feel uncomfortable about speaking to him, the community centers usually have a full time mental health worker. They are trained to point you in the right direction, set you up with someone who can help. As Dashinthezoo said, your employer cannot fire you for this illness, perhaps if you spoke to them, depending on how big your company that you work for is, often there are people right on site that can help you deal with this. The world out there is fast and stressful and the general public is starting to recognzie the effects of this. The big OMG you have depression or anxiety is much less pronouced. The other big thing is your job. If you really hate it, perhaps that is one of the causes. Are you capable of finding something else, perhaps with more exposure to people if you like that or less if you don't. Don't be afraid of taking some anti depression drugs for awhile until you get a handle on this, hey some people have to take them for life. No big deal, their brains are just lacking a chemical that will allow them to cope with stress etc. Funny how we are willing to take high blood pressure meds, diabetic drugs etc, etc but panic at the thought of taking a drug that will honestly really help us with depression. Finally now that you are not alone. Really if you don't want to do a support group outside of your house, try to find one on line. Don't allow this to rule your life another day, you rule it.
 

agnesthelion

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I want to chime in and say not to feel alone or ashamed in what you feel. I think, sadly, today there is still a bit of a stigma with depression and mental illness and that makes people reluctant or embarrassed to seek help. And i think that is downright unfortunate. Like gmas said, why are we more okay with medicating every other illness but not this?
I had postpartum depression after the birth of my son, or at least I now think I did but because I never sought help I guess I don't know for sure. I know what you are going through and postpartum depression are two totally different things in a way, but also in a way they aren't. When you said don't want to tell anyone because you don't want to seem weak or whiny and you want to toughen up.......I said the EXACT same things to myself. And so I never got help and I regret that I didn't.
So I encourage you to talk to your doctor first. I'm believe if you are honest your physician will provide you with a good plan of attack, so to speak. Whether it be medication or a therapist.....but again to repeat what I said at the beginning. Do not feel embarrassed or alone. This is very common.
Well wishes and nosebonks to you :)
 

Nelsons_Mom

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I have anxiety with some complusions depending on the level of my anxiety on that day. I suffered for about eight months (having to quit both of my jobs and miss a lot of semester work) before I decided enough was enough. Tomorrow will be my 3rd therapy appointment. It helps. We've not even talked about that much, but just not feeling like I'm hopeless and can't get better is such a posotove thing.

Get some help. You wouldn't brush off a broken arm, a food allergy, or cancer without seeking treatment, would you? Just because anxiety doesn't come up in an xray or scan doesn't mean it's not real or doesn't need treatment.
 

kmaben

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Agree with everyone. Just wanted to double tap on the nosebonks. They always make you feel better.
 

seagypsy

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First, calm down. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. Try to imagine yourself as Mr. Spock from Star Trek...(okay, funny images, I know, but this always helps me.) Is your anxiety logical? What is it that is causing the anxiety? Is it a person? A task? The environment? The commute?

Second, you need to find a therapist or psychiatrist. There are usually quite a lot of resources per city and the nice thing is that you are in or near a large city.

Lastly, you aren't the only one. Anxiety is fairly common, along with depression and often both are treated similarly. I suffer from PTSD and lost my last job because I couldn't come out and say what was wrong with me. I worried too much about the stigma of having the mental illness. Its not your fault. And if anyone judges you for it, well, they don't deserve to know you!! An employer cannot discriminate against you for it either. However, you do need to seek help for it.

Like I said, I've learned some coping mechanisms - one being imagining myself as Mr. Spock. Often this involves cutting off all stimuli so I can get into that frame of mind. I used to go into the bathroom at work and turn off the lights and lock the door for a few minutes. If I am driving and start to feel anxious, I start talking to myself and trying to reason out my anxiety.

I'm just going to keep reiterating - you can't do this on your own. You do need to find help. This is a big thing and its scary, but there are people trained to help you through it.
I have anxiety and depression too. Take effexor xr on occasion when it gets out of hand. But I also learned to cope with the vulcan technique lol. I tend to blend it with Data as well. I try to suppress the emotions all together or like Data, I will turn off my emotion chip. It creeps my husband out but I tell him, "when I get too stressed it is more important that i feel functional than happy." And blocking all emotion doesn't make me sad or depressed. I just don't feel anything or at least i am able to ignore what I feel and move on past what is freaking me out. I prefer to feel numb than petrified by irrational fears.

But I didn't gain the ability to do this until I started getting therapy and medication initially. I had to lower the anxiety to a certain point before I could use the mind tricks to control it without meds. I still fall back on meds when it gets overwhelming but on a daily basis i force myself past it.

Sadly though, now i get almost no thrill at all out of really wild, fast, high roller coasters.

As far as a stigma is concerned. I am not aware of one. I thought there was one just as you do. But i have never once had anyone treat me like a nut job over it. If i mention it to anyone, they usually respond with, "you me and everyone else, got any problems the rest of us dont have?"

But do get the help. don't wait til you are curled up in a ball crying over the destruction of a pokemon ball on tv like I did. Better to get a handle on it sooner than later.
 

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