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TinysMom

TinysMom

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Joined
Apr 4, 2005
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Location
, Texas, USA
The time has come for mom to go into a nursing home (she's in one now) and Eric & I leave this weekend to drive up to Maine (from Texas) and clean out her apartment and then drive home.

I'm dreading the trip as I hate driving...but thank God for a son who has always wanted to do a "road trip" as he calls it.

I imagine this will probably be the last time I see mom as her Alzheimer's is getting noticeably worse from what folks are saying. I really do not want to go.


 
Len's dad had alzheimer's and he had periods when his memory was crystal clear and other when a dark thunder clouds enveloped his brain and nothing was remembered. He lived for about 5 years in a nursing home and for 4 of that he remembered Len but not my husband's sisters. It seemed he remembered past items- his childhood, dancing as a young man,farming and the birth of his only son- Len was in that era of memories. The last year was the hardest, the foggest, but the one without the problems of violence, running away or whatever. He was a quiet gentle man, that one night his brain forgot to tell his heart to beat and his lungs to expand and he just slipped quietly away. It is really scary the first time you see them like that, the mother that has become the child. Have a good cry and then remember the good times and the fact that when death comes she won't know to be scared. If you need to talk, PM me when you get back, I would love to hear from you. As long as you are all there for each other and remember the good times, you will be fine. Prayers and hugs to you. Drive safely.
 
Wishing you and yours a safe "road" trip as your son calls it. I truly understand what you will be facing when you get there. It's so tough to see someone you looked up to revert to a child. And it's harder to clear out a place where she once was that person you looked up too. Memories of a past, and then reality of whats to come sets in.

Ditto on a good cry. And then cherish what time you have left. All be there for one another. Remember it's the disease and that hopefully when her time comes she slips quietly away.

Sending good thoughts to you and yours on the journey ahead.

K:(


 
Oh Peg I am so sorry. If you neeed a layover you are more than welcome at our house. We helped take care of Joshua's grandmother for 10 years with Alzheimers. Honestly it is a blessing that she is fading fast. When it draws out for so long it really becomes quite a burden on the family. Then again, Suzie was at home the whole time so Joshua's mom basically had to give up her life and we were relief efforts. If you need to vent please feel free.

:hug:
 
Thanks everyone - I first suspect mom had Alzheimer's 8 years ago - we had the official diagnosis about 3 years ago and things have been going downhill since then.

Right now life is just so hectic getting ready for the trip and all....I'll be glad when this is all done.
 
Peg: I know exactly how you feel about your mom having Alzheimer's. My Grandma has it. My advice to you is spend as much time with your mom as you can. Because once she is gone then all you have is memories. Yes there will be lots of repeating things but spending time with your mom would help you get through the hard times that are coming.

I visit my Grandma whenever I can and she is starting to not recognize me, even though I was told that I am a spitting image of her. I should visit my Grandma more so that she will keep remembering me but I know that one day she won't remember me and I have to brace myself for that day when it happens.
 
Thanks Sweetie but the truth is - my mom hates me right now and we haven't talked in over a year because she hangs on me and blames me for everything that goes wrong.
 
:pray: Nancy's mom is 99 and living with us, but we are going to have to go with the same option. We have to watch her like a hawk 24/7 and can't go out anywhere together for any thing. Had to change out all the doors to double lock deadbolts and modify one bathroom. My only real problem is that she has always been a selfish, self serving shrew and has gotten way worse in the last two years. There are days that I wish I hadn't promised Nancy's dad we'd take care of her.
 
Larry, I know exactly how you feel. My dad made me promise to look after my mom. At the time I didn't realize that his time was limited and stupidly agreed. Well 18 years later of caring for a woman with COPD, Cancer, alcoholism, dementia and down right nastiness she passed away. In the end when I put her into a home when 4 residental care aids coming in at 4 separate times a day, and being called every 1/2 hour at night because there was no one else( she lived with us and we had a pager) that would help, I burnt out. She hated me, called me very name in the book, but on her death bed told me she loved me. I forgave her. Sometimes when people get older they get bitter, angry and sick. I personally have to remind myself that someday that is going to be me. Like the rabbits we all love, I think our parents when the get old and sick would rather be somewhere else. We put our animals compassionately out of pain, but the human being is expected to endure. Watching it really sucks.
 
Peg, I will be thinking of you! My grandma died from Alzheimer's almost 7 years ago. The first signs of it appeared 10 years before she died. For the first while, my grandpa and uncle took care of her, but they couldn't do it anymore because she was so hard to look after and would wander and go into rages. She lived in a nursing home for a couple of years before she died. It was a good nursing home and my grandpa spent most of his time there with her every day. It was hard when she died, but I think we all were a bit relieved for her sake because that isn't any way to live :( It's even harder for relatives when the person acts like they hate you, but remember that Alzheimer's does some pretty strange and terrible things to the brain and it doesn't mean she really hates you :(
 
Currently in Joplin, Missouri - just had supper - hopefully heading to either Youngstown or Akron, OH tomorrow tonight for our stop there.
 
TinysMom wrote:
Currently in Joplin, Missouri - just had supper - hopefully heading to either Youngstown or Akron, OH tomorrow tonight for our stop there.
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Hoping the journey has been an easy one so far. Have a safe trip to your next destination.

K:)
 
TinysMom wrote:
Currently in Joplin, Missouri - just had supper - hopefully heading to either Youngstown or Akron, OH tomorrow tonight for our stop there.
Click to expand...
Peg and Eric made it as far as Columbus for their Sunday night stopover.
And then they're headed my way today.
It'll be about 9 hours of driving.
If everything works out, we're hoping to meet up this evening.
 
PA is a very long state. My family is in Ohio so I have gone back and forth more times than I can count. If you are taking the turnpike, there's a nice farmer's market at the midway rest stop.

:pray:
 
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