OT I dont know what to do

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babydoshia

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I'm so lost right now. I just got a acall about an hour ago. My best friend Star Od'ed two daysago and died yesterday. I dont know what to do. Icant think right and I cant see becasue of the tears. I can'tstop crying nad I cant think straigt. She was my bestfriend. She was more than my friend, she was mysister. ADn onw she is gone. I dont know what todo. I've never felt this way before. I feel likeI'm dead. MY whole life is screwed up now. She wasmy everyhitng, everything in my life involed her. I have noidea what the hell to do. I havn't stop crying since her momcalled and told me. She was only 29 and now she isgone. I have so many of her things and things fromher. Everything around me reminds me of her I knowthis is the normal grieveing thing but I dont think I can ever go backto normal. I just miss her so much. We did everythingtogether. I was even the maid of honor in here wedding.

We've been friends for 5 years. I met her when I moved togColoraod. WE did eveything together. I stayed withher every weekend for like 2 year.s When we moved to Iowalast year I still called her about evey week. I just talkedto her last week and she was fine. And now she is goneforever. She had problems in the past and previous attempsbut she was better. She was happy and vowed to me never to think ofthings like that. She said she realized how stupid she wasthose years ago and how she is thinkning right, now. I justdont know what happened. I love her so much adn now she isgone. I've never felt this sad before. I dont think I'll evwer go backto normal Lots of poeple close to me have dies before. Butever anyone as close to me as her. SHe was the one person Iloved. The one person in the world I could comfortabley sharemy deep feelings and thoughts with. And now I have no one.she was the one person in the world I ever loved. I was neverembarased in front of her, and she was never embarrased of me, eventhough we are nothin alike. Bisides the age difference, shewas way more outgoing than me, and talked to everyone. Shedressed nothin like me and was the complete opposite of me but she stilloved me, ahe excepts ed me for who I am, unlike most people.

She was only 29. And now she is gone fforever. I cant believe it. I'm seriously lost.

I dont think I'll be on much for a whil. I'll try and chekcin every once in awhile but I dont think I;'ll be doing much ofanything for a while except work.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I am so lost right now.

Sorry about my spelling and stuff. I dont feel like going throught itall. If it's really bad someone can edit it. I justcant think straight right now.

Heres a pitre of her witrh her son Cody. He's 9 adn lives in Alaska with her ex husband. (She's from Alaska)

 

luna21

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Im so sorry for ure loss:(!!! and im sorry thatyou have to go through such a difficult time!please feel freeto PM me anytime you want if you need to chat to get things off yourechest!!

Lots of love and bunny kisses

Bunbun andLuna
 

Carolyn

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Dearest Babydoshia,

I'm so sorry. Poor Star, her poor son, you, her family and all of those that must be left to deal with this terrible tragedy.

I'm too familiar with what you're going through - a few times over. If you want to talk, email me and we can exchange numbers.

Oh, Dear. I'm so sorry.

-Carolyn

 

bunsforlife

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My dearest heartfelt condolences for you and forher family. That is such hard news to bear. If youever need anything, feel free to PM me as well, and take every day onestep at a time

With a big warm hug,

Melissa
 

babydoshia

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Thank you all. I'm still in shock andjust can't believe I'll never see her again. I'll never beable to actual ytalk to her again. I just dont know if I'llever be the same.
 

Loppy Earred Mom

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First of all Im so sorry for your loss and the loss of her family and other friends.

You stated you dont know what to do.... Welll In all truth as of rightnow the news is very new very hurtful and very shocking. Sowhat your doing now is what comes natural and thats grieve.Basically you have to come to terms with what has happened and thenlearn to come to terms with it.

Losing a close friend is like losing a family member to me and it hurtsso cry as you will and let all your pain go. Time is the onlyhealing factor here so darlin you cry until your ready to stop.

You go thru stages when you lose someone and honestly I dont rememberhow the stages go but I do know you eventually try to stop making senseof it and learn to accept what has happened and also you will feel howblessed you were that that person has touched your heart the way shehad.

She may not be here in body but within you and her family and otherfriends her spirit lives on and right now that may not be much butlater it will be everything. She will never truely diesweetie she lives on thru you and others its just for whatever reasonher body is no longer present.

Again Im sorry for your loss big hugs out to you take it one day at a time.

Marie
 

2bunmom

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Dear Baby, I have not been onthe forum for about 2 months now, (computer problems and a trip toIowa)so you may not remember me. I felt that I needed to saysome things to you because I have experienced the same feelings when mysister passed away on Dec. 22, 2001. She was my youngestsister and only 38 years old. She left behind a 13 year olddaughter. She was very out going with a very quick mind anddid not let anyone run over her. I on the other hand amintroverted, on the shy side and not as quickwitted. Our personalities balancedquitwell. I know my other family members love me but we had avery special bond that was still growing. She understood me,and I could share things with her that I could not withothers. She made me feel very loved. I did not getto see her often because she lived in Iowa and I live here inNC. We talked on the phone once or twice a week and I wouldvisit her a couple of times a year. I can tell you that youwill miss your friend Star very much, but she would want you to go onwith your life. You will never forget her but in time youwill remember the fun things that you shared. I am glad thatyou have some of her things. I keep some pig items around myhouse( my sister loved pigs) some were hers and others I bought tohonor her memory. I still think of her a lot and cry overher. That is a natural thing to do , just as you will overStar. In time you will figure out why God brought Star intoyour life and you will realize that,the giftsshebroughtinto the friendship that she shared with youarestill within you. There is nothing that any onecan do or say that will take this hurt away, but it does help to knowthat people understand your feelings, are there to support you and careabout your feelings. You know that the people on this forumare here to help you in any way we can. Take the time youneed and we will be here when you need us. Hug your rabbit alot. I found it amazing that both my rabbits seemed tounderstand that I was in emotional pain. I am sorry that youhave to experience this type of pain. I know this is long butI hope it has helped you in some way. Sending youwarm loving thoughts and a HUGE hug! Love Beckie
 

babydoshia

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Thank you all..again.

I've been in contact with her family in Alsaka. Her memorial isSaturday the 30th. They are taking donations to put into a trust forCody. Once I get the info I'll be sending some money.


Thank you all for your kind words. You truely do make me feel a little better.
 

Stephanie

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Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I haven't been online in a couple of days (internet issues).

I know how you're feeling and I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away. *hugs*

If you need to talk, PM me and we can exchange phone numbers.
 

RaspberrySwirl

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Sweetheart, thereis nothing any of us can say that will make you hurtany less,but I hope you know there are many of us here for you. I had a friendvery much like Star was to you. His name was Steve and I lost him toAIDs in 1993. There are things that will never be the same, butremember that the love and kindness she gave to you are gifts that youwill always have. You hang in there. XOXO- Raspberry
 

babymommy

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Sorry, i just saw this.

I can't say much more than what everyone else. It's hardenough when you loose someone due to natural causes andaccidents. But when someone does something like this, Ibelieve it's even harder. You go through so many more stagesand you feel a strong sense of guilt.

My step-dad took his own life when I was in the 8th grade. Hedid it with my mom on the phone. I was standing right behindher and had to catch her because she just fell to the ground and passedout. It was a very hard time for everyone, but I knowespecially for my mom. Time is the only healingfactor. And talk, please talk to people, don't hold thingsin. Like everyone said, it's OK to cry and togrieve. And remember good times!!!!!

We're all here for you,

Babymommy
 

NightPoet00

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I'm so sorry for your loss! It's sad that shedied at such a young age. One of my friends died of an overdose when wewere all 18. It was so tragic, that she died so young. I understandsome of what you're going through. Don't be afraid to cry as much asyou need to and find someone to talk to. Try not to be alone too muchduring this rough time, it's nice to have someone to cry with.
 
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