Mini rant about my in laws

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jordiwes

jordiwes

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 11, 2005
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Location
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Hi all,

I hope you don't mind if I just have a mini rant about my in laws. Normally we get along, but they have this thing against my pets. I'm sure everyone else goes through the same thing.

3 years later they've finally accepted that the bunnies aren't going anywhere. Not that it stops them from making BBQ jokes. But they keep bugging me (or bugging my husband behind my back) about my foster chinchillas and degus!

The latest was that last night, right in front of me, my father in law said to my hubby thathe'd buy him a flat screen TV if we got rid of the chins and degus. I was like WTF?!?!?

I'm not normally confrontational, and this was totally out of character if you know me at all, but I said, "What is your problem with my animals???".

"Oh, nothing, nothing" he said.

"Well please don't go there, then." I said.

I mean really, they are my hobby. They are inexpensive, I do all the cleaning, I don't understand the harm!!!!

Grrr....... sorry, this turned into a long rant. My hubby only semi-supports the fosters so that doesn't make it any easier.

Thanks guys.
 
((HUGS))

:hugsquish:

Rant away!! So Riyaz hasn't been sold on the chins yet huh... :( I was hoping he would fall for them like the buns, they are so cute.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the stupid things people say. Thankfully everyone that says anything about our buns, Neil puts them in their place right away, but it was the same with us at first dealing with our families.

Hopefully now that you're spoken up it will keep them quiet about it??

Nad
 
That sucks! I don't know why parents of husbands/wives/partners have to be so stupid about who their offspring choose to be with. They usually end up pretending to be so accepting of you, but nitpick at you about something and don't let it drop for years and years.

With Mat's parents, it's cooking and cleaning I get hassled about. It's silly because my cooking is better than his mums, but she still pretends that I MUST learn to cook from her. Er, last time I check, boiled cabbage and soggy lambchops aren't exactly something Mat and I like to eat, let alone difficult to cook even if we did want to. She constantly comments about little bits of fluff on clothing, how I need to learn to wash poor baby Mathews clothes better and take care of him better. GRR! We've been together for 6 years now, and he's a grown man, we are just fine without being spoken down to like that.

I'm lucky because they have rabbits, so they like my rabbits, but I know how it is when someone goes on about cooking them or getting rid of them.

I'd love to get all the pesky in-laws of the world and stick them in a room together so they can moan and groan and leave us in peace :p.
 
OH, I have an in-law rant for you...

My in-laws... they tend to forget that I have my own family and theirs is not the most important thing in the world.

Right now, it's what I call the "Great Christmas Fight" of 2007.

Last year was the first year Neil and I had to split christmas with both his family and mine, so last year, we did Christmas morning with my family, then at about 11am, we ran out of there so we could go back to our house where Neil's entire family came over to open presents and we made Christmas dinner.

Well, this year, it is Neil's brother's turn to make Christmas dinner, but he decided he wasn't in the mood, so somehow he told US that we were making it again. I told Neil no way were we doing it again this year since last year I had to run out on my family before lunch.

So this year, I said we are flipping it 180 degrees. We do first thing in the morning with his family, and the rest of the day with mine.

Well... it took a couple yelling matches for Neil to accept that this was fair (which is SO is!). But he STILL has not told his family.

They put a lot of pressure on him - his mom cries every year. I am sure she will cry again this year when Neil tells her he is having dinner with my family. (This year we had to have a mother's day brunch for her on FATHER'S DAY because she was away on mother's day and did not get a chance for her kids todo anything for her... i missedgoing to see my dad because I spent all my time helping with her brunch)

The thing is, my family puts no pressure on me at all because they know how stressful it is, but my mom was like "why do you have to spend all your time with Neil's family, what do they think - you justfell from a tree - you have a family too". Well, that was the point where I realized that my family WAS upset about the whole thing too, they just aren't the type to whine about it.

So... Neil's mom keeps asking ME what everyone is doing for Christmas because I think I am the only one that talks to her ... and I keep avoiding it and telling Neil to PLEASE talk to his mother. Ugh.
 
Oh Lord, Nadia! Thank goodness that my in laws don't celebrate Christmas.

But I can totally relate,my in lawsget so jealous too. We sometimes don't tell them when we are hanging out with my parents. But the nice thing is that my hubby openly acknowleges that my family are more chill and pleasant to be around. Not that it stops us from hanging out with the in laws, but it prevents their guilt trips from working.

Time for Neil tocome clean.I know it's totally harder than it sounds, especially with a crying mom on your hand. But I agree with your decision that he should be the one who tells her.

Sounds like both you and Michellehave overinvolved MILs.

PS. Any chance you can make a massive dinner for both families? Or like a pot luck affair with everybody bringing a dish and you make the turkey? I'm not sure how everyone would fit but...

:hugsquish:



 
Aww Steph, that stinks!!

Ryan's mom has only seen the buns once, and that was just after our car accident. The girls weren't litter trained yet, and peeing all over the cage, so of course they stank by the time we'd been away all day. So now she thinks they smell bad all the time. Thankfully Ryan did defend them and explained that that day was a bad example, and normally you can't smell them at all.

I did find out the other day that Ryan protests to the number of animals because he gets teased about it by people when ever they find out how many we have. He does love them, and we where talking about what's going to happen when Coal and Ruby get here, and it just popped out. He hadn't realized it before. Poor guy, but I told him he's allowed to lie, and not tell people how many we have if it would help. I don't think he will, he's a tough cookie.

Just keep persevering, and don't let them get away with any bad talk like that. Maybe you should sit down with them and try to find out what their problem is. And let them know how uncomfortable it makes you. Tell them that you understand that it's not their personal preference, but that it's your house and it doesn't affect them.

I find getting an issue out in the open always tends to settle it a bit. You can tell them how much it hurts (maybe they don't fully realize how much it hurts you), and provide them with an opportunity to express why they feel that way. In the end, you may agree to disagree, but hopefully the hurtful comments will stop.

And, you need to come out and spend an "animal" day with me! Next time you come out, you set aside a day to play with my buns and talk animal. We can also go visit the shelter if you want too.

--Dawn
 
Do you live with them? if not - tell him it's none of his damned business!

My father inlaw always jokes about rabbit stew. He knows that my bunners (especially Bo) are my babies! He just loves to yank my chain.

Now, hubby does it too, but then he will actually get mad at me and use them against me - THOSE (*#@&$*(#&(@ ANIMALS of YOURS! lol. I tell him to shutup!
 
Ugh can I join? I am so sick and tired of my inlaws when it comes to the holidays. What I want is to stay home.My parents are cool for whatever.
 
JadeIcing wrote:
Ugh can I join? I am so sick and tired of my inlaws when it comes to the holidays. What I want is to stay home.My parents are cool for whatever.
Click to expand...

Um, please do?!:p

I had brother/mom issues tonight so, I'm up for the hearing, argh.:grumpy:(Nothing to do with Christmas mind you...:()
 
aurora369 wrote:
And, you need to come out and spend an "animal" day with me! Next time you come out, you set aside a day to play with my buns and talk animal.
Click to expand...

Yes PLEASE! 2nd or 3rd weekend in January, I'm there!

Noone I know (on the island) understands the fun of having animals around. They actually think 2 rabbits, 2 chinchillas and 3 degus is a lot! Geez!

Thanks all for your well wishes. :big kiss:

And I feel for all of you who are going through in law issues as well!

PS. We DO NOT live with them! (I would go on welfare first, haha).
 
Wow - I feel sorry for you folks....I've had the best mother-in-love for the last 27 years. How I got so fortunate - I don't know.

She's among my best friends - I love to call her up and chat even though I don't do it nearly often enough. She never ever causes issues with us and is always grateful when we can make it home (New Hampshire). We've only seen her a handful of times in those 27 years but its always been a joyous time to get together.

I've told my kids that when they leave home...if they want to spend holidays with us - they better give us advance notice because for all we know - we might be on a trip or something. Truth is - we wouldn't go away (too expensive) - but I don't want them to feel tied to home as if they HAVE to come home for certain days or do things certain ways. I want them to live their own lives and if they want to vist - great...and if not...then hopefully at least they'll call and say "hi".

Maybe I'm crazy...I don't know. It isn't that traditions don't mean things to me - just that a happy family relationship means more.

Oh - and call me crazy - but I count my kids among my best friends now that they're young adults. I'd rather go out to eat or spend time with them than almost anyone else.....

Peg

P.S. I gotta admit that when Robin told me about getting drunk last New Year's Eve when she was living away from home was a bit tough (we're not big on drinking although we do tend to have wine coolers in the house and sometimes Art gets stuff for Rum & Coke). But I kept telling myself, "My relationship with her is more important than lecturing her about the dangers of alcohol (alcoholism runs in my birth family)".

When she was done she was like, "I don't really think I ever want to get drunk again..." and I was like, "Whew....good thing I listened and didn't meddle".

And I ramble too much - sorry!
 
For sure Steph!! You can see my soon to be bigger crew as I should have two more by then. I'm bunny sitting Bummietimes two little cuties till the 10th of January, then I'm going to work on intigrating Ruby and Coal in with Baxter and Zeke (I hope this one works...)

If Joanns buns have gone home, I might be able to get her to bring them out again for some bunny play time. Let me know when you know the exact dates, and I'll see what kind of fun animal stuff I can arrange for you.

--Dawn
 
This is not holiday related but.... I've mentioned before that I grew up with a mom that hates anything with fur or feathers... so as soon as I got my own place, I got a bird, I got another bunny and I got a dog. Then I started rescuing birds. Took in parakeets, finches, parrots and cockatoo's, had all kinds. Managed to re-home most of them very well, but there was always alot around.

When I got married, my husband accepted the rabbits and dogs, but wasn't keen on the birds. Still, he let me be and didn't say a word. (They had their own room, I did all the work.) But mymother in law was a different story... she refused to go in the bird room. She was terrified of them.Why did I have them? let them all go! They are dirty and spread disease... But I just ignored her.

I had 52 birds, 2 iguana's, 3 snakes, a dog and 2 rabbits.When I had my daughter, she developed asthma at 3 months of age... and that's when my mother-in-law went into high gear.

Now my birds were a health hazard, they were the reason my daughter has asthma, she's going to die because of my stubbonrness... (the reason my daughter has asthma is because my husband has asthma... and it's not from animals... I had her tested, she is not allergic to animalsand I would never put my kids in danger... ) But she (and my husband, cause he has to listen to his mom) harrassed me day and night for months until I got rid of every bird I owned. My daughter is now 19, (no asthma) and to this day, I miss my birds and regret my decision. But she credits herself with saving my daughters life.

Now she is after the rabbits.... but that will not happen. NEVER, EVER! Andmy husband knows it too. (Getting rid of the rabbits is the only thing my mother and mother-in-law agree on! They have entire dinner time conversations about it.)

Dealing with family is difficult under the of best situations.


 
Yikes, Kathy, I feel for you! Two mothers against you, yowza :shock:.

I can't wait to someday have a bigger house and foster some bunnies.

And good job to you Peg for not emotionally blackmailing your kids. :)
 
Kathy, what on Earth do they think is their business about your rabbits?!?!?!

My mom knows I am at my limit but she doesn't say anything about it. She loves the animals!

If my mother inlaw has an opinion she keeps it to herself. My SIL made a comment like "Oh just what you need! another animal!" about Tony. I said "well, we take care of them and he's just one more..... " grrrrrrrrr
 
You'd think that at my age (OLD! Very OLD! ...My kids tell me all the time how OLDI am!) my mother would realize that I'm all grown up now and can make my own decisions! It's OK, I'm used toher by now. And I can ignore my MIL when need be... she's really a nice person, just this one little thing!
 
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