JadeIcing
Well-Known Member
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I
gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to
her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her
the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated
and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the
money back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
This actually happened in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane
...............They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free
sandwiches and I walked out the door.
...............They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
said, "Where?"
...............They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that
stuff."
...............They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
...............They Walk Among Us!
My friend has a lifesaving tool in his car designed to cut through a
seat belt if he gets trapped. He keeps it in the trunk.
...............They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
...............They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane
arrived yet?"
...............They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to
eat 6 pieces."
..............Yep, They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF
ALL...................................they VOTE!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"True Friendship"
(With none of that Sissy Crap!!!!)
Are you tired of those
sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually
come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually
speak of true friendship.
1 When you are sad --
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who
made you that way.
2. When you are blue
-- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile
-- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared
-- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried
-- I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused
-- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick
-- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't
want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall
-- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
9. This is my oath.....
I pledge it to the
end. "Why?" you may ask."because you are my friend"
Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth.
Send this to "all 10"
of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of Four!
(don't send it back to me....I don't want to hear it!!!)
And remember.. . When life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and
call me over !!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More Things To Ponder
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated
instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny
for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to
look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss
America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked
anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, who does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these
dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell
you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you
going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on "Gilligan's Island" can make a radio out of a
coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he
just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what
is baby oil made from?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same
tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but
when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
------------------------------------------------------------
1) Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2) When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3) A penny saved is a government oversight.
4) The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
6) The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
7) He who hesitates is probably right.
8) Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
9) If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
10) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
11) The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
12) There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt
13) Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
"Be who you are and say what you feel 'cause people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss
----------------------------------------
gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to
her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her
the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated
and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the
money back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
This actually happened in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane
...............They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already
buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free
sandwiches and I walked out the door.
...............They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them
shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
said, "Where?"
...............They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that
stuff."
...............They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
...............They Walk Among Us!
My friend has a lifesaving tool in his car designed to cut through a
seat belt if he gets trapped. He keeps it in the trunk.
...............They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
...............They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane
arrived yet?"
...............They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to
eat 6 pieces."
..............Yep, They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF
ALL...................................they VOTE!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"True Friendship"
(With none of that Sissy Crap!!!!)
Are you tired of those
sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually
come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually
speak of true friendship.
1 When you are sad --
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who
made you that way.
2. When you are blue
-- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile
-- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared
-- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried
-- I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused
-- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick
-- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't
want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall
-- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
9. This is my oath.....
I pledge it to the
end. "Why?" you may ask."because you are my friend"
Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth.
Send this to "all 10"
of your friends, then get depressed because you can only think of Four!
(don't send it back to me....I don't want to hear it!!!)
And remember.. . When life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and
call me over !!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More Things To Ponder
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated
instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny
for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to
look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss
America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see
you naked
anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, who does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these
dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell
you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you
going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on "Gilligan's Island" can make a radio out of a
coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he
just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what
is baby oil made from?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" have the same
tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but
when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
------------------------------------------------------------
1) Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2) When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3) A penny saved is a government oversight.
4) The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
6) The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
7) He who hesitates is probably right.
8) Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
9) If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
10) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
11) The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
12) There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt
13) Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
"Be who you are and say what you feel 'cause people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss
----------------------------------------
