I see this forum differently now from how I ever have before.

[Flashy]

I'm trying to work out of this is just my perception, or a wider perception.

The forum isn't what it used to be, for me. I used to think of this as a friendly, caring, supprtive place.

Now I'm seeing it as cold, hard, isolated, fakeand untrustworthy.

That might be because I know more about the forum than I did a few months ago, know more about how things are handled (through observation), know more about the fakeness of people on here, seen what peoplethink is appropriate behaviourand I've been able to observe from a far what happens here.

That's not to say all the people in it are cold, hard, isolated, fake, untrustworthy, or anything, I know some incredible people on here, people who genuinely care and will take the time to find out how you are (Polly is forefront in my mind there, pumpkinandwhiskersmom also comes to mind), people who are very forgiving despite what you have done (Penny and Peg come to mind for that), and other lovely people too.

Maybe I'm just disillusioned right now. I've always got disillusioned with forums in the past, but normally when I've been modded, not when I'm a regular member, which makes me think this is different somehow.

I made a post a few months ago about how people felt on the forum, and loads of people came out of the woodwork and said they found it lonely. That's not how a forum like this should be, in my opinion, but of course, I may be wrong. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's lonely or not a nice place to be because we don't come for ourselves, we come for our bunnies? I don't know, to be honest.

Whatever I might think about the forum as a whole, I can say that the knowledge on here is second to none, which is why I keep coming back, and why I give out leaflets advertising the forum, and try to get rabbit owners here, because it IS a great bunny resource. Is that all it should be or should it be a friendly place for us too?

I also just want to say that this has not been driven by any one person, situation, circumstance, because that would be over dramatic and ridiculous, this is my view, as a whole, based on what I think of the forum as a whole.

This is very waffly, and there isn't really a point to it other than to gain opinions from other people on what they think. Most likely, people will differ from me, that's ok, it's your opinion, so don't be scared to say what you think.

 

[Leaf]

I think personalperception plays a lot into how people feel about everything in life, in general.

Online forums constantly evolve as members leave, new members join - staffing changes and member actions overall have to be reviewed and discussed.

People continuously suprise me. My eyes are "opened" to things I wouldn't imagine coming from individuals I think I "know" online, both in positive and negative aspects.

The best anyone can do (IMHO) is be true to yourself and true to others. Every individual is just that, an individual.

Acceptance (or the ability to distancemyself from certian senerios), gentle persuasion, support and direct answers throughout ordeals presented online always seem the best route for me to go on forums.

"Educate, don't alienate" isa forethought while I'monline but at the same time I feel that I have to be open to accept THAT from others who choose to share their opinions and thoughts with me.


Most have heard the expression "it takes a village to raise a child"... I think it nicely applies to internet communities as well.

 

[Gabby]

being true to one's self is always good idea, but also treating others as you would expect others to treat yourself. I think alot of people in general in the world have a hard time with that one. They act one way and yet expect to be treated in a different manner..

My my fav sayings

"Friend: One who knows all about you and likes you just the same"

If you are true and they like you, and behave towards you as a friend then they are a good friend.

 

[TinysMom]

Flashy wrote:

This is very waffly, and there isn't really a point to it other than to gain opinions from other people on what they think. Most likely, people will differ from me, that's ok, it's your opinion, so don't be scared to say what you think.

WARNING --- WARNING ---- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING ---

[align=center]LONG RESPONSE AHEAD....

:biggrin2:

[align=left]I've been thinking about this post for a bit and trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. As a mod, part of me wanted to come on here with a smile and "hugs for all" and be happy and just smooth over everything. Ya know....I wanted to make everything feel right....

But the fact is ... that isn't always so. Art & I were figuring out the other day that we have actively been on the internet since 1988 or 1990 at the latest....and I've actually been a member of several forums (now that I think about it - I was a major part of three homeschool forums on AOL back in the early 90's).

I say all this to say - I've been on the internet and on forums for about 20 years....off and on. It actually wasn't until Art and I talked about it that I really remembered the other forums I'd been on - they seemed like a lifetime ago.

Our discussion was prompted by my sharing with Art that I had my 3 year anniversary on this forum....and how some things had changed (we're bigger - have a different feel to it) and how some things have stayed the same.

The thing is - out of all the 20 years I've been on the internet and all the relationships I've had.....probably my greatest sorrow - has come from this forum and relationships on it .... and my greatest joy - has come from this forum and the relationships on it. I've drawn close to many - made some friends - lost some - made others. Somehow, this forum is more a part of my life than the others I've been a part of.

I'd love to smile and say, "everything will be alright"....but the fact is .... there are times when it hurts to be here. There are "toxic people" I have to learn to ignore for my own sake ~ and there are times when I feel like my emotional bank is empty and I have nothing left to give.

Because I struggle with depression frequently and on an ongoing basis....I have to watch myself. Am I getting enough rest? (Right now....not really :shock Am I getting involved in threads I should just back away from?

When my emotional bank is depleted - I pull away from people.....and it almost never fails that someone from the forum (frequently Polly) will drop me a PM and say, "Hey gal....you're very quiet...are you ok?".....and by doing that - she pulls me out of my shell. After all...who could NOT respond to Polly....:biggrin2: (Polly - you mean the world to me and I mean that in a nice way).

Something I've learned just recently (although I think I've known it for a while) is that sometimes - life just sucks and you gotta live with what you've got. So when it feels like life sucks and Polly or someone else has given me that wake-up call.....I do something that helps me in a big way.

I start PM'ing folks...folks I haven't heard from in a while .... folks who I notice are doing things on the forum - maybe I see they're welcoming new members and so I drop them a note and say thanks....or I see they've made a picture for someone or done something nice - so I drop them a note.

And I find that the more I invest myself into others - by letting them know I care....the better I start feeling about myself - and about the forum in general.

In many ways - this forum reminds me of my marriage of over 28 years now....let me explain.

This week - I love my husband. He is my best friend...my soulmate...my most wonderful companion. A couple of weeks ago? Well....lets just say things weren't so great - we were barely speaking to each other at times (his work schedule didn't help 'cause he was working the midnight shift). If someone saw us then - and saw us now - (especially with my makeover I'm doing) - you'd think we were two different couples.

What we've learned - and this is only for our marriage - I'm not saying that other marriages are like this....but for us - we go in cycles. We have good periods (like now) when we could talk all the time - almost like we're newlyweds again....and then we have times when its "hi..how are you?" and that's about it. We both go our separate ways.

But we're truly committed to each other (or perhaps we should be committed??) And so we put up with the bad times - in order to enjoy the good times. We have found that the bad times somehow get shorter and shorter as we hold on and enjoy the good times - which are longer and longer.....

That's the way this forum feels to me sometimes. There are days when I log on and there are lots of posts and its oh so much fun to read and write....and then there are days when I sit here and refresh the screen every 2 minutes and think, "Come on someone...post..".

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that many times - I've been where you are. I imagine I'll be there again .... who knows - it may even be today?

But I'm learning that when I get to that point - I need to pull my head out of my shell and open my PM box and start giving back to others.....cause when I do that - suddenly the forum becomes more "fun" for me again.

And with that - I best go get my bunnies some food...

Peg
[/align][/align]

 

[Flashy]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Peg, I'm going to reply to what you do when you feel like this.

I do that anyway. I PM someone if they have lost someone, are having a hard time, haven't been about for a while, just to send a quick message or just a random check up after something. I PM loads of people that way. It actually goes with the philosophy of what Gabby said about treat people how you would like to be treated yourself.

I try to reach out to people for several reasons, firstly, I care, second, if someone is hurting or struggling, then I don't want them to feel alone, and lasty, I don't want anyone to feel as isolated as I do, so by reaching out I am letting them know they are not as isolated as they may feel, or as alone as they might feel.

Maybe that's part of my problem, I make an effort with people, yet, when I wasn't around, when I was in hospital recently, when I've been awful, no one bothered (apart from Polly mainly, and one or two people really early on) to drop me a PM to see how I was. That's ok, I'm not a big part of this forum so I don't see why people would notice if I was here or not, but that is part of the reason that it feels fake and cold and hard, I think. Definitely not the whole lot, nor even a large part, but something that has been on my mind.

That sounds so attention seeky, and it's not meant to because I didn't ever expect anything like that and I certainly didn't stop coming here to get people to PM me, but I try to give a lot on this forum, to people and such, and people seem to take, and that's it. I didn't even realise until I started PMing people again, and then it dawned on me.

So whilst what you say is a good idea and works for you, I already do that, so I can't take advantage of your bright idea, lol.

 

[Flashy]

What did you say Haley? where did your post go?

 

[Haley]

I posted something and then deleted it. I'll give you a summary:

Sometimes the mods and admins are so drained just dealing with everyday RO responsibilities and housekeeping. We do our best to make this a friendly and loving forum where everyone can feel welcome. But sometimes we are just so overwhelmed with things we cant reach out as much as we would like.

I know personally I have been treading water this semester trying to keep up with an extremely hectic and stressful school and work load (Im supposed to be writing a ten page paper right now! lol) and that when a situation arises I deal with it as quickly and efficiently as possible and move on.

So one thing to keep in mind is that we're all just human and we do what we can. With a forum of 5000+ members its difficult to make everyone happy. We try our best and thats all we can do I guess.

Haley

 

[Flashy]

Haley, I haven't critised anyone, I'm sorry you took it as an attack because that was not my intention.

I know all the mods/admin are human and have their own lives and do it all voluntary, BELIEVE me, I do know. Yes, I disagree with some things you have done, but thats probably because, in some cases, I have more experience with stuff like that, than you. On other things, I think you have all done marvellously.

I have tried to make a fair post with pros and cons about the forum because nothing is all good nor all bad (although I am very guilty of thinking it is, which is why I am learning to balance things).

There are good things about the forum, the mods often do an ace job, but there are bad things, and because the mods are human, there are bad decisions and comments from them too. Same as any other members.

This was never meant as an attack at the mods, or the forum, or anything. It was just how I feel and wondered if anyone else felt the same. I don't like asking things from this forum, so maybe I was wrong to post, so if you want to delete it, by then all means do. I literally just wanted to feel less alone and isolated. I'm sorry for that.

 

[lagadvocate]

I just wanted to chime in here because this thread makes me think of one person in particular who always made me feel welcome and "valued" here on the forum.

Crystal aka Angelnsnuffy, you are awesome girl!

Even though I'm not that active on the forum right now since losing my last boy, I still check in here because I love buns and this is definitely the right place for bun lovin'. The forum has grown leaps and bounds since I joined, lots of new names and buns. That's really great because it keeps things fresh and brings more ideas, thoughts andsuggestions to the table. While there are times when I've followed threads that were angry or tense, that is definitely not the norm here. And those types ofdiscussions are to be expected when you have a large group of people in one place under any circumstance. Especially on the net. Just like with most things in life...take the good with the bad when the good is worth it!

Anyway, that's all for my :twocents

Thanks for the good topic Tracey

 

[Haley]

No theres no need to pull this thread, its a great discussion.

I just wanted to point out that its often difficult to keep everyone happy. One way to make this forum even better is for all of us to make a conscious effort to reach out to others and be good to eachother.

We cant help that there are going to be people who like to cause trouble and drama, those kind of people are all around us online and in everyday life,what we can do is try to remember that we all have something beautiful in common- we're all here because we want to make life better for our furried friends.

:hug1

 

[trailsend]

I agree with Haley - this is a good discussion. I have read it a few times and wasn't really sure if I had anything to say or add lol - and I'm still not.

I wanted to say, although I haven't been here terribly long (actively only since January or Feb.) I have for the most part really enjoyed RO and the people here. I live a very isolated life (especially this time of year) we live miles away from anyone and often get even get out our lane for weeks sometimes longer at a time, and then when we can we often don't bother! Not that we are unsocial or I don't have real life friends lol - but I work on our farm and spend all of my time here, so I have enjoyed having a place to share pictures and stories about my furkids, and also learn about everyone elses and learn more about rabbits and just chat. I was kind of surpised to find some people pretending to be something theyare not or causing drama but like Haley says, those people are everywhere. Since I don't pretend to be anyone I'm not, I guess expect everyone else to be the same lol, which is kind of silly.

I've found that there are some really nice, responsible rabbit guardians and people on RO - and I've made a couple friends. When Tracy recently sent me a PM to see how I was feeling (because I'd been ill) I couldn't believe it! It was such a nice thing to do, and it warmed my heart. I'm not part of any other forums, I'm only on a few email lists, and I stay here because I thinks it's a great place and I also enjoy most of the people here.

Now that I've written all this, I'm really not sure if it is relevent to this thread, but I just wanted to share.

 

[Flashy]

This is true that we are here for our furry friends. Maybe that means that it doesn't matter how we feel about the forum ourselves, provided that we learn here.

 

[XxMontanaxX]

Flashy wrote:

Maybe that's part of my problem, I make an effort with people, yet, when I wasn't around, when I was in hospital recently, when I've been awful, no one bothered (apart from Polly mainly, and one or two people really early on) to drop me a PM to see how I was. That's ok, I'm not a big part of this forum so I don't see why people would notice if I was here or not, but that is part of the reason that it feels fake and cold and hard, I think. Definitely not the whole lot, nor even a large part, but something that has been on my mind.

That sounds so attention seeky, and it's not meant to because I didn't ever expect anything like that and I certainly didn't stop coming here to get people to PM me, but I try to give a lot on this forum, to people and such, and people seem to take, and that's it. I didn't even realise until I started PMing people again, and then it dawned on me.

So whilst what you say is a good idea and works for you, I already do that, so I can't take advantage of your bright idea, lol.

Honestly, sometimes I forget people and their problems. It's not that I don't care, it's just...I forget. With work, school, rabbits, and everything, it's hard for me. But I try to read as many threads as I can and I do check back on them if I remember, I just don't reply sometimes...and sometimes I do. Most of the time, I feel like everybody else replied and said everything I would have said, so I don't reply, but I guess I should to show that I care, which I really do. Sorry to everyone. I'll do better! I really should reply more though and PM people more about it because I don't want other people, including you, to feel lonely. I care about everyone on RO, and all their bunnies, and all their others pets, and everything.

And I appreciate everyone who cares for me and my bunnies.

 

[slavetoabunny]

I just wanted to add that I really enjoy belonging to RO. Making friends online isn't easy. I will say that I have personally met 20+ people that I first met online. Every one of them was as nice as they were online. For instance, I have personally met Ann (seniorcats) and she is exactly the same person that she comes across as in her posts.

I am a very non-confrontational person and shy away from any "tense" threads. That just isn't me. I don't always post as much as I should, but I have been making an effort to be more involved.

 

[Flashy]

Montana, don't feel bad, you have your own life. You don't need to feel sorry, or feel you need to do better. I wasn't having a dig or a go or anything at all. Please don't feel you need to change what you do.

 

[XxMontanaxX]

Flashy wrote:

Montana, don't feel bad, you have your own life. You don't need to feel sorry, or feel you need to do better. I wasn't having a dig or a go or anything at all. Please don't feel you need to change what you do.

Just know that I do care and that you shouldn'tfeel solonely. :hug:

 

[Jenson]

I don't have much to add, I think everyone has said the important points, but this is an interesting discussion. Personally I think RO is about as good as it can get for an online community, everyone can only do their best, and everyone has life outside of RO to deal with, but they come here to share, help, chat and make RO what it is whenever they can. It has it's flaws, it has it's fair share of nasty people, but try and find an online community the size of RO that doesn't. I guess I just think it's as good and as caring a community as is fair to expect. I know that if any of us asked for help there are people here who would do their very best.

Also, I think polly should get a special award for being so awesome. I know if I was having a hard time she'd be there, and if that's only one person out of the 6,000 or so members here, it's enough for me. I luff her!

 

[Bunnys_rule63]

Hmmm, I've been thinking about this thread and how to reply (or even if I should reply) and the only way I could find to explain how I see this forum is this:

This forum (or any forum for that matter) isalmost like a mini country. We have our government who set the rules (admins and senior mods) people in society who enforce these rules and try to keep things running smoothly (mods) and normal (but still very important) members of the community (members).

Now - I know we all live all over the world - but think of where you live and how you think of it. You may not like your government, your leaders, the rules you have to live under, the people you have to live with. Similarly you may love all these things - although I'm betting it's a healthy mix of the two. It's totally ok to feel this way about the forum, however just as in society we must make an effort to try and get along as best we can.

I've been a member of this forum for quitea long time and can remember when we only had one admin (Carolyn) and only one part of the forum. This forum has changed such a lot over the last few years - some changes I love, some I'm not so keen on. But in all I do love this forum. The advice is brilliant and the support and friendship of some of you guys has helped me through some really tough times. I know I never could have gotten through Ruby's death if it weren't for all the wonderful posts, PMs, emails and msn chats with people on here. You guys are amazing, and for that I will always love this forum.



OK...I'm babbling (I do that a lot) but what I'm trying to say is (to everyone) - its ok to like things about this forum, it's ok to dislike things about this forum. We all just have to bear in mind what other members are feeling and try tosupport people and create as best an atmosphere and community as we can. Just think of it as spreading a little joy around your local 'community'. I know I'm a smiley person and always try to smile at people I see - even people I don't really know! I always find they smile back.Spread the joy.


:hug: ((hugs Flashy))

 

[GoinBackToCali]

I don't have alot to add myself, just a few lil snippets I wanna throw in.

I see this forum differently myself.. but for many different reasons. I enjoy my time here, I really do, but the flip side of the enjoyment is the backstabbing, the gossiping, the he said/she said stuff.

I have had to defend myself and my character against at least 3 people here, when frankly.. how I live my life is none of their business. They think they are qualified to dissect my persona and my motives. With that being said, I wrote an open letter in my blog.. a painfully honest letter, to answer some questions that people like to gossip about. In the span of less than a month, I have been called a snob, stuck up, hateful, that I am not who I say I am (they are right, I am really Wonder Woman) and my new personal fav, that I am mean and ugly and hateful in every post I make and I need to start being nicer to people. (That made me laugh most heartily)Apparently there isn't enough room for me and their ego.

I have had to deal with brats, with know it alls, people why try REALLY hard to get some Mana points to the point they are obnoxious-not helpful (Why is it that people who can't take advice always insist on giving it?), with people who don't even take responsibility for the stuff they start,people who like to make snide childish comments and mask it with goodwill, people who let their own emotions carry them away, and most importantly I HATE dealing with people who make their decision whether or not they like you based on info from someone they have never met in person. You don't do that in real life, why do it on the net. Form your own opinions. Arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand.

Sometimes the range of emotions I get from here goes from anger.. to love and joy. Someone I originally could not stand..I now think the world of and would not EVER be without.. Peg-asus. She is part of the joy.. The anger.. well we won't dissect that.. but yeah, it had me in tears. The reality is.. this forum is alot like my husband in the respect of when we argue and he throws *You don't love me* up at me.. I tell him.. *If I didn't love you, you wouldn't be able to affect my emotions the way you do.*

If I didn't love the forum.. I wouldn't get so affected when one of you loses a bun, or you are experiencing personal tragedy. I have come to think of you people as an extension of my real world inner circle.. Yeah.. bottomline.. I give a sh*t about you people.

This is rambling.. I think it may be due to paint fumes....

I want to add.. don't believe everything you hear about people.. work from your own feelings, and don't let others dictate what you think about people, even subconsciously.

Oh.. yeah.. I notice when Flashy is missing...lol...I like to read her posts.. I scan for them most times..

Be excellent to each other!

 

[Marietta]

I'm a member to 4 rabbit forums (1 is Greek). The reason I initially registered in RO was my love for rabbits, my interest in learning more things about them and exchanging knowledge, mainly in medical issues, as I've written several times that we don't have rabbit savvy vets in my country and this makes me feel extremely insecure. However, when I started reading threads and posting myself, I discovered that RO is much more than that, it's the most friendly and caring forum in comparison to the other 3 I'm a member to. From the time I became a member (about 4-5 months ago) since today, I became fond of people and rabbits, got to know a bit better -as much as internet and the distance allows me to- persons that I really like (Tracy is one of them and she knows it), learned that I canthink of amember who has personal troubles,feel worried about a bun that's ill or cry for a bunny that has crossed the bridge, no matter if they are hundreds of thousands of miles away. I also felt that I can -and want to- contribute in my own small way to this forum by participating, trying to helpthe forum's human and furry family as much as I can, i.e. as much as my very restricted free time allows me to.RO is a community with its rights and wrongs, as all communities are.It's a small part of an international society and this is how it should be viewed, nothing more or less.

I'd hate to see Tracy orany other memberfeeling lonely in RO or believing that RO is a cold, unfriendly forum, because, to my opinion, here one can find people who really care,are compationate, sensitive and lovingand, taking into consideration that we all come from different parts of the world, different cultures, different backgrounds and that this is only an indirectcommunication via a computer, I find this fact very extraordinary. Opening this discussion is very useful, because this may be a chance of correcting things and behaviours to the benefit of the forum, so I believe that as many members as possible should express their opinion on the subject.

Marietta

P.S: I edited to add that whenever Tracy is off the forum, the lack of her presence never goes unnoticed!!!!:inlove: