I am sooo late getting to this post.Raspberry and Buck, I am with you on the discipline.Raspberry, I have said the same thing about how and why a lot of thekids are the way they are today. You are a brave woman with disciplinebeing such a touchy subject.
I've got 4 kids ages 9, 7, 2, and 1. We use all methods,first it is verbal, then it is time-out, then it is take somethingaway, and then it is a spank. We spank as a last resort tonot so serious offenses, but if they endanger themselves or others theyget spanked right away ( like running into the street without looking).
Last year, we had sooo many problems with the kids, my 7 year oldespecially. He was, to be quite frank, a bullyterror! He hit, bit, kicked, threw, never listened, did whathe wanted, talked back, lied, etc. He was suspended, kickedoff the bus, sent home. The principal and vice principal andcounselor know my then 6 year old kindergardener very well....low andbehold ADHD. He is on Ritalin now. He gets straightA's and most probably get into the gifted program this year! Ritalin isnot for everyone, but with Cody, we changed his diet, we gave himvitamins, we changed how we talked to him, changed disciplinarytactics, etc, nothing worked.He's a very lovingchildand we tell him he's making wrong choices or rightchoices, cause he isn't a bad kid, and more than half of the badchoices he makes is the ADHD.
Justin has ADD. His grades were awful, not paying attentionin school, taking 3-5 hours to do 30 min of homework, getting kickedoff the bus. He is also on Ritalin to focus in school, henever gets meds on the weekend. He will more than likely makeit to the gifted program this year too! He is a straight Astudent now, and does his homework on the busride home.
Being a parent is hard, being a parent of a child with a disability isharder. I've learned that apologizing when I am wrong, andexplaining in detail what I expect of my kids helps. Theyhave a list of rules and chores and get stars for making good choiceseveryday, no stars for bad choices, and allowance for chores...we arestill working on the chores, sad to say but they haven't gotten anallowance yet, I think they actually owe us money now :?.
Anyway, I grew up with an korean mother raising me alone...to say theleast I was beat more often than spanked, but in defense that is how itwas done in korea back then and all my mother knew. I'mstronger for it. I don't beat my kids and they will onlyreceive 3 swats when they get spanked (and I am proud to say that theyhaven't needed a spanking in a very long while). My real dadspanked and restricted when I visited him...and boy did I deserve everyswat I ever got! I'll tell you what, I respect both my parents verymuch, and I love them very much. They've taught me a lot, andI hope I can teach the same things to my kids...I probably won'trealize they learned anything until they are in their late 20's though.
Now we are watching our two year old for signs of ADD/ADHD.It can be inherited. And since our older kids were had withother people, we aren't sure if it was inherited from one ofus. But now we know what to look for, and so far he is anormal 2 year old, who happens to get his hand or tush swatted when heis making wrong choices, while learning to make the rightchoices. And he is learning although he is a stubbornindependant kid.
Anyway, that is my take on all that. By the way, so I couldbe the biggest influence on my children, instead of a stranger, I quitmy job and stay at home. I get pretty nice compliments on mykids' behavior when we are out in public, most of the time anyway. Ohand it is not my opinion that everyone should do this...only that Ichose to and we could afford it and it is what our familyneeded. We've given up a lot to do it, but I think it's worthit, and my kids think it's worth it, and that is all that matters tome: my kids happiness and well-being. I have no regrets.
Nice to be able to voice opinions, stories, experiences, etc without judgement.
Dawn