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Becca

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As you all know...

Yeah :nerves1

But I have english coursework for tomorrow and I just cannot concentrate on it i just cant get my brain to work this is what i've done so far. we have to describe a forest in the day and in the night. we cant make it a story it has to be decripton

i cant even type properly atm :cry1:

i dont want you to do my work for me just some ideas cuz my mind is just full of something else :cry2

what ive done so far

A sudden beam of dazzling sun light emerged through the towering trees and bathed everything in its path with a soft warm glow. As the scene became buzzing with life, bird song filled the air; the whole area was alive and vibrant. Bushes and exotic plants scattered aimlessly around. Hundred year old oak trees stand majestically watching over the happenings of the forest. The thick tough roots showed their age and kept them standing strong. The fallen trees were entwined on the ground making little bridges for the creatures that were scampering around. New trees were fighting for the light, trying to absorb as much as they could so they could grow. The boggy ground was a tiny town for the many insects (with many legs), colonies of ants carrying leaves and rescuing their families that have fallen and spiders that live there. Beads of dew on the leaves slowly melted away in the heat and a fresh flowery smell materialized as tiny petals opened. Coloured leaves were scattered with abundance on the uneven forest floor.

A petite stream flowed silently. Softly. Brightly coloured fish swam quickly down the river, suddenly a great bird swooped down and grabbed one. The graceful bird with colours of gold and orange stretched its wings and soared high above the very tops of the trees.


thank you :tears2:
 
Have you thought about maybe going to a forest, or some trees, and having a look? Not sure if that's possble but it might give you some inspiration.
 
I've managed to do a bit more:

Silence. A small brown rabbit bounded out of a deep dark hold an disappeared out of sight. That was the only movement until a sudden beam of dazzling sun light emerged through the towering trees and bathed everything in its path with a soft warm glow. As the silent scene suddenly became buzzing with life, bird song filled the air; the whole area was alive and vibrant. Bushes and exotic plants scattered aimlessly around. Hundred year old oak trees stand majestically watching over the happenings of the forest. The thick tough roots showed their age and kept them standing strong. The fallen trees were entwined on the ground making little bridges for the creatures that were scampering around. New trees were fighting for the light, stretching their tiny branches towards the sky. The boggy earth was a tiny town for the many insects (with many legs), colonies of ants carrying leaves and rescuing their families that have fallen and spiders that live there. Beads of dew on the leaves slowly melted away in the heat and a fresh flowery smell materialized as tiny petals opened. Coloured leaves were scattered with abundance on the uneven forest floor.

Brightly coloured fish darted quickly down the river, a great bird wading through the clear waters. The graceful bird caught in the light with colours of gold and orange stretches its wings and soars above in to the trees, the crack of it's wings breaking the silence.
 
Now:

Silence. A small brown rabbit bounded out of a deep dark hole and disappeared out of sight. That was the only movement until a sudden beam of dazzling sun light emerged through the lofty trees and bathed everything in its path with a soft warm glow. As the silent scene suddenly became buzzing with life, bird song filled the air; the whole area was alive and vibrant. Bushes and exotic plants scattered aimlessly around. Hundred year old oak trees stand majestically watching over the happenings of the forest. The thick tough roots showed their age and kept them standing strong, their bark old and gnarled, their trunks and branches home to many animals through the years. The fallen trees were entwined on the ground making little bridges for the creatures that were scampering around. New trees were fighting for the light, stretching their tiny branches towards the sky, the rotting leaves and dead animals feeding their growth.

The boggy earth was a tiny town for the many insects (with many legs), colonies of ants carrying leaves and rescuing their families that have fallen and spiders that live there. Beads of dew on the leaves slowly melted away in the warmth of the sun that reached through the canopy and a fresh flowery smell materialized as tiny petals opened. Coloured leaves were scattered with abundance on the uneven forest floor.

Brightly coloured fish darted quickly down a river that meandered through the forest, a great bird wading through the clear waters looking for food. The graceful bird caught in the light with colours of gold and orange stretches its wings and soars above in to the trees, the crack of it's wings breaking the silence.

Fluttering soundlessly a pale pink butterfly landed on a flower. Watching it collect the pollen was a unique sight, but something the butterfly did everyday. Using its fragile wings to float gracefully to the next flower.

As the time went on the sun was replaced by heavy clouds - every creature in the forest dashed to the nearest hole. Just as the heavens opened and the rain began to pour uncontrollably. Breaking through the top canopy easily and causing the river to flow more rapidly. The whole area had completely changed.


Towering trees cast mysterious shadows into the depths of the damp, dark forest. A small critter scampered under a sheltering rock to sleep for the night. He could sense what danger was on its way. Disturbing the silent scene a sly fox prowled through the undergrowth. Using its strong ginger paws to remove anything in its way. It came across a shrew, which now became its helpless prey. The fox savaged the small animal and disappeared into the darkness with a growl of accomplished.
 
Yeah..roughly

I got it back yesterday to edit for tomorrow
Here it is final draught... i am rubbish at punctuation - we're not allowed to link sentances with commas and i dont know if i've done that or not. Have i?


Coursework - Description of a forest
Day:

Silence. Bounding, a small brown rabbit sprang out of a deep dark hole the white of its tail was all you could see flicking and frolicking around. Quickly it disappeared out of sight. That was the only movement until a sudden beam of dazzling sun light emerged through the lofty trees and bathed everything in its path with a soft warm glow. Bird song filled the air; the whole area was alive and vibrant, the silent scene had suddenly become buzzing with life. Bushes and exotic plants were scattered aimlessly around. Hundred year old oak trees stand majestically watching over the happenings of the forest. The thick tough roots showed their age and kept them standing strong, their bark old and gnarled, their trunks and branches home to many animals through the years. The fallen trees were entwined on the ground making little bridges for the creatures that were scampering around. New trees were fighting for the light, stretching their tiny branches towards the sky, the rotting leaves and decaying animals feeding their growth.

A tiny town of many insects lived content in the slimy boggy earth. Colonies of ants carrying leaves and rescuing their families that have fallen and beetles with shiny black backs. Beads of dew on the leaves slowly melted away in the warmth of the sun that reached through the canopy and a fresh flowery smell materialized as tiny petals opened. Coloured leaves were scattered with abundance on the uneven forest floor.

Brightly coloured fish darted quickly down a river that meandered through the forest, a great bird wading through the clear waters looking for food. The graceful bird caught in the light with colours of gold and orange stretched its wings and soared above in to the trees, the crack of it's wings broke the silence.

Fluttering soundlessly a pale pink butterfly landed on a flower. Watching it collect the pollen was a unique sight, but something the butterfly did everyday. Using its fragile wings to float gracefully to the next flower.

As the time went on the sparkling sun was replaced by heavy clouds - every creature in the forest dashed to the nearest hole. Just as the heavens opened and the rain began to pour uncontrollably. Breaking through the top canopy easily and causing the river to flow more rapidly. The whole area had completely changed.

Night:

Towering trees cast mysterious shadows into the depths of the damp, dark forest. The sweet smell of fresh rain hung in the air. Rough branches looked like arms in the moonlight - appearing as if they could reach out and grab anyone that happens to pass by. A small critter scampered under a sheltering rock to sleep for the night. He could sense what danger was on its way. Disturbing the silent scene a sly fox prowled through the undergrowth. Using its strong ginger paws to remove anything in its path. Sniffing the night air and searching down rabbit holes. Stalking its dinner, it came across a shrew, which now became its helpless prey. Swiftly and skilfully the fox savaged the small animal and disappeared into the darkness with a growl of accomplished.


Spinning their strong webs in a skilful manner - spiders were hard at work. Weaving stunning patterns that no human can master. In the morning these would be covered in droplets of crystal dew. Reflecting the sun; casting glittering lights on the trees.

Staring up at the moon you could see all the plain, dusty coloured moths fighting to get towards the light. The full moon was only a reflection of the sun but its brightness was incredible - putting the large oak tree in the spotlight.

Suddenly a cold wind disturbed the still air, creating a ghost like feel. It searched through the trees filling every gap with its presence. A shadow skulked through the trees, another predator on his nightly hunt. Leaves and branches crunched and cracked beneath its feet. The river had become still, not moving at all - the bird had gone. The fish had disappeared. All was quiet. You could hear every slight sound. The shuffle of a badger underground the snore of a rabbit sleeping and the flapping of an owls elegant wings.

A screaming bird flew dangerously low just missing a small tree - the silhouette of the bird against the moon was so perfect it didn’t seem real. The outline was flawless. When the screeching dwindled and faded away as fast as it had come once again all was peaceful.

As the night drew to a close and the morning light became clearer the river started to trickle again, the fish reappeared and one by one each tiny animal awoke and once again went about their daily business.
 
A few of my edits so far:

Yeah..roughly

I got it back yesterday to edit for tomorrow
Here it is final draught... i am rubbish at punctuation - we're not allowed to link sentances with commas and i dont know if i've done that or not. Have i?


Coursework - Description of a forest
Day:

Silence. Bounding, a small brown rabbit sprang out of a deep dark hole. The white of its tail was all you could see flicking as the bunny frolicked around. Quickly, it disappeared out of sight. That was the only movement until a sudden beam of dazzling sunlight emerged through the lofty trees, bathing everything in its path in a a soft warm glow. Bird song filled the air; the whole area was alive and vibrant. The silent scene suddenly started buzzing with life. Bushes and exotic plants were scattered around under hundred year old oak trees that stood majestically, watching over the happenings of the forest. Their thick tough roots revealed their age and kept them standing strong. Their gnarled old bark made trunks and branches home to many animals through the years. Fallen trees lay entwined on the ground, making little bridges for the creatures that were scampering around. New trees fighting for light stretched their tiny branches towards the sky as rotting leaves and decaying animals feed their growth.

A tiny town of many insects lived content in the slimy boggy earth. Colonies of ants carrying leaves and rescuing their families that have fallen and beetles with shiny black backs. Beads of dew on the leaves slowly melted away in the warmth of the sun that reached through the canopy and a fresh flowery smell materialized as tiny petals opened. Coloured leaves were scattered with abundance on the uneven forest floor.

...........


You get the general idea of where I'm going with my edits... it would be really good to establish your tense. Are we in the past, or are we in the present (sometimes -ing words)? It sounds like the past most of the time to me...

Try reading it aloud, taking a slight pause at commas. Do a full stop at periods. If you feel like you're running out of air/or rushing your sentence, you should break it up with either a comma there or a period. (you probably already knew this trick, tho ;))
 

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