Dearest Fizz,
Iâm sorry I didnât do this on Monday, or yesterday, but I wasnât sure it was my place. As no one else has done one, Iâm making it my place, because you deserve one.
What to say little man.
Way back when in June last year you and your scruffy bunch of siblings came to me, more by accident (or fate as Kris said), than by design. You got your first name- Gizmo- because Krisâs mum reckoned you looked like Gizmo from The Gremlins, and she was weirdly right with that. You were a bundle of fluff.
You all looked horrendous. You all have sparse fur and bald bits (none of you looked as bad as Wish though), but yet you were all so nice! Iâve never known such a bunch of licky bunnies before. At this point though, I expected not just Wish to die, but to lose you all. You had all had such a horrid start to life and had suffered so much, with losing your mum, dad or mum giving you a rough time (that would explain your bald patches), some 4 week younger siblings, then going to a strange place (Krisâs- no offence Kris), and then travelling an hour to yet another strange place (mine). You were all VERY hardy.
I could tell you apart, and Socks and Wish, but Flame and Flare I couldnât for a couple of days until their personalities came out. You were very âin your faceâ (although not as much as Socksy boy).
This is you with Socksy boy on the second day you were here. Look at those ears!
You started to grow and you got an awesome ear. Your right one lopped, and your left one stood up like a proper uppy eared bunny. Funnily enough, we saw it do this a couple of times in the 24 hours you were here before you died.
We had such a lovely time with you all here. I remember you sitting for ages and licking my dadâs feet (or generally just licking everything and everyone)â¦
or running and doing mega binkies everywhere, jumping out of the run with Flameâ¦
But, above everything else, you were very nosey.
You were a real people bunny (like your siblings) and so always wanted to be âin the people actionâ and were interested in whatever we were doing (or whatever we didnât want you to do).
While you were here we checked and checked and you were a girl, so you were separated off with Flame and Wish.
You grew and you changed and then you went to your new home. I was sad you had gone, but felt you had gone to a good home.
When you went in for your âspayâ it became clear you were a boy, although you werenât formed properly. By that time we knew more of the problems of your litter mates (Socks and his undescended testicles), Flame being a hermaphrodite, Wish and her Metabolic and severe dental issues. The only one who escaped was Flare (who was renamed Hazel). We all thought it was a bit weird, and that you were complicated, but then horror struck and Hazel died, unexpectedly, at only 5 months old. Things became more serious and sinister because it looks like potentially there may be more problems than âjustâ be anatomically deformed and âproblematicalâ.
All the people that needed to know were made aware, and then we carried on. When your owner contacted me in November, I was SO excited to potentially have you back for a while, and when you finally came on Sunday 9[sup]th[/sup] January, I walked on Cloud 9. I was so, SO happy to see you. You were so big! Both compared to when you left me, and compared to your siblings, I just wanted to kiss you and cuddle you all the time. I didnât want to put you down.
I got to know you again as an adult on 8-9 months old and you was awesome. Still chilled, still into everything, and you had a sense of humour too. I really felt you had come home. You were finally in the right place (in my eyes).
On the Sunday, when you came in for a run, you were so funny. You seemed to remember the layout and where all the escape points were, it was astonishing. You went round the room, anti clockwise investigating all the different things. You then went back and started from the beginning, but went round a little bit faster. You kept getting faster and faster and had so much energy and life.
The next day you were more haphazard and more intent on the escape points (which you did succeed in doing).
No inkling to a new owner there was something wrong, but maybe your old owner might have picked something up. There were things that I did note like your variety of different shaped poo overnight (but then when you came inside on the Monday you produced some beautiful, all equal, poo) and you didnât eat all your breakfast in one sitting, but then when my bunnies get Science Selective in those amounts, they leave stuff too. Maybe those were signs and I missed them, but you seemed very âin lineâ with Wish and Flame.
When I went back out at 6pm you were so ill. You were limp and I was terrified. We rushed to the vets and you went into their Incubator. It was warm and you had oxygen pumped in. You were still pretty limp, but wriggling out from under your towels and blankets. I sat with you and talked to you, sometimes I sat in silence, but I always stroked you.
I could tell you were struggling more because you were pulling your head away from my hands into a weird position and then shoving it back under. I think you were trying to find a way to comfortably breathe. You did find comfort in my hand though, I know that. To keep coming towards me, nuzzling me, moving towards me and not moving away shows that you found comfort. I was able to keep you calm and offer you peace. I sat with you for an hour and a bit and then the on call vet arrived.
She gave you a good check over and told me that despite all the oxygen you were blue, and there was so much wrong, but she couldnât find a reason why. She said that all your organs were failing and there was nothing she could do. I asked a gazillion questions, actually, the same question, in many different ways âis there really nothing you can do?â She suggested that it would be fairer for you to be Put To Sleep, so I could only follow her advice. I wasnât going to let you suffer. I was there, holding you, until the end. You were peaceful.
Sadly, the next thing I had to do was horrendous. I needed to know what happened to you, so had to get a post mortem done on your body. Worse yet, we didnât have space in our garden for you. I took you to the vets for them to do the post mortem and as much as I wanted you cremated, and to bring you home, I couldnât afford that. I asked for a communal cremation because thatâs all I could afford, and Iâm so sorry, because I so wanted you to be here with me, with us. I hate to think of you somewhere else, thinking youâre uncared for, been abandoned, maybe with other animals who were genuinely unloved.
The basic results have come back to show you went into spontaneous heart failure. None of us could have done anything. None of us were at fault. It doesnât feel like that though Fizz. I feel like I failed you, and now Iâve abandoned you in death. I should have seen something, I should have checked sooner. All those âshouldâsâ that I didnât do.
I donât know why this happened sweet boy. You came to me, and dropped dead a day later. I donât know if you waited until you got here, I donât know if it was unlucky, I donât know if it was stress.
Kris said some lovely things on the night you died. I donât think its appropriate to put some of them here, but I can say that I too believe it may be fate you call came my way, and maybe fate that you came to me to die.
I feel privileged Fizz. Privileged I got to know you as a baby and privileged I got the chance to know you as an adult.
Thank you so much for being in my life.
[align=center] Binky Free Beautiful Fizz
April 2010- 10[sup]th[/sup] January 2011
[align=left]All my love,
Tracy x
[/align] [/align]
Iâm sorry I didnât do this on Monday, or yesterday, but I wasnât sure it was my place. As no one else has done one, Iâm making it my place, because you deserve one.
What to say little man.
Way back when in June last year you and your scruffy bunch of siblings came to me, more by accident (or fate as Kris said), than by design. You got your first name- Gizmo- because Krisâs mum reckoned you looked like Gizmo from The Gremlins, and she was weirdly right with that. You were a bundle of fluff.
You all looked horrendous. You all have sparse fur and bald bits (none of you looked as bad as Wish though), but yet you were all so nice! Iâve never known such a bunch of licky bunnies before. At this point though, I expected not just Wish to die, but to lose you all. You had all had such a horrid start to life and had suffered so much, with losing your mum, dad or mum giving you a rough time (that would explain your bald patches), some 4 week younger siblings, then going to a strange place (Krisâs- no offence Kris), and then travelling an hour to yet another strange place (mine). You were all VERY hardy.
I could tell you apart, and Socks and Wish, but Flame and Flare I couldnât for a couple of days until their personalities came out. You were very âin your faceâ (although not as much as Socksy boy).
This is you with Socksy boy on the second day you were here. Look at those ears!
You started to grow and you got an awesome ear. Your right one lopped, and your left one stood up like a proper uppy eared bunny. Funnily enough, we saw it do this a couple of times in the 24 hours you were here before you died.
We had such a lovely time with you all here. I remember you sitting for ages and licking my dadâs feet (or generally just licking everything and everyone)â¦
or running and doing mega binkies everywhere, jumping out of the run with Flameâ¦
But, above everything else, you were very nosey.
You were a real people bunny (like your siblings) and so always wanted to be âin the people actionâ and were interested in whatever we were doing (or whatever we didnât want you to do).
While you were here we checked and checked and you were a girl, so you were separated off with Flame and Wish.
You grew and you changed and then you went to your new home. I was sad you had gone, but felt you had gone to a good home.
When you went in for your âspayâ it became clear you were a boy, although you werenât formed properly. By that time we knew more of the problems of your litter mates (Socks and his undescended testicles), Flame being a hermaphrodite, Wish and her Metabolic and severe dental issues. The only one who escaped was Flare (who was renamed Hazel). We all thought it was a bit weird, and that you were complicated, but then horror struck and Hazel died, unexpectedly, at only 5 months old. Things became more serious and sinister because it looks like potentially there may be more problems than âjustâ be anatomically deformed and âproblematicalâ.
All the people that needed to know were made aware, and then we carried on. When your owner contacted me in November, I was SO excited to potentially have you back for a while, and when you finally came on Sunday 9[sup]th[/sup] January, I walked on Cloud 9. I was so, SO happy to see you. You were so big! Both compared to when you left me, and compared to your siblings, I just wanted to kiss you and cuddle you all the time. I didnât want to put you down.
I got to know you again as an adult on 8-9 months old and you was awesome. Still chilled, still into everything, and you had a sense of humour too. I really felt you had come home. You were finally in the right place (in my eyes).
On the Sunday, when you came in for a run, you were so funny. You seemed to remember the layout and where all the escape points were, it was astonishing. You went round the room, anti clockwise investigating all the different things. You then went back and started from the beginning, but went round a little bit faster. You kept getting faster and faster and had so much energy and life.
The next day you were more haphazard and more intent on the escape points (which you did succeed in doing).
No inkling to a new owner there was something wrong, but maybe your old owner might have picked something up. There were things that I did note like your variety of different shaped poo overnight (but then when you came inside on the Monday you produced some beautiful, all equal, poo) and you didnât eat all your breakfast in one sitting, but then when my bunnies get Science Selective in those amounts, they leave stuff too. Maybe those were signs and I missed them, but you seemed very âin lineâ with Wish and Flame.
When I went back out at 6pm you were so ill. You were limp and I was terrified. We rushed to the vets and you went into their Incubator. It was warm and you had oxygen pumped in. You were still pretty limp, but wriggling out from under your towels and blankets. I sat with you and talked to you, sometimes I sat in silence, but I always stroked you.
I could tell you were struggling more because you were pulling your head away from my hands into a weird position and then shoving it back under. I think you were trying to find a way to comfortably breathe. You did find comfort in my hand though, I know that. To keep coming towards me, nuzzling me, moving towards me and not moving away shows that you found comfort. I was able to keep you calm and offer you peace. I sat with you for an hour and a bit and then the on call vet arrived.
She gave you a good check over and told me that despite all the oxygen you were blue, and there was so much wrong, but she couldnât find a reason why. She said that all your organs were failing and there was nothing she could do. I asked a gazillion questions, actually, the same question, in many different ways âis there really nothing you can do?â She suggested that it would be fairer for you to be Put To Sleep, so I could only follow her advice. I wasnât going to let you suffer. I was there, holding you, until the end. You were peaceful.
Sadly, the next thing I had to do was horrendous. I needed to know what happened to you, so had to get a post mortem done on your body. Worse yet, we didnât have space in our garden for you. I took you to the vets for them to do the post mortem and as much as I wanted you cremated, and to bring you home, I couldnât afford that. I asked for a communal cremation because thatâs all I could afford, and Iâm so sorry, because I so wanted you to be here with me, with us. I hate to think of you somewhere else, thinking youâre uncared for, been abandoned, maybe with other animals who were genuinely unloved.
The basic results have come back to show you went into spontaneous heart failure. None of us could have done anything. None of us were at fault. It doesnât feel like that though Fizz. I feel like I failed you, and now Iâve abandoned you in death. I should have seen something, I should have checked sooner. All those âshouldâsâ that I didnât do.
I donât know why this happened sweet boy. You came to me, and dropped dead a day later. I donât know if you waited until you got here, I donât know if it was unlucky, I donât know if it was stress.
Kris said some lovely things on the night you died. I donât think its appropriate to put some of them here, but I can say that I too believe it may be fate you call came my way, and maybe fate that you came to me to die.
I feel privileged Fizz. Privileged I got to know you as a baby and privileged I got the chance to know you as an adult.
Thank you so much for being in my life.
[align=center] Binky Free Beautiful Fizz
April 2010- 10[sup]th[/sup] January 2011
[align=left]All my love,
Tracy x
[/align] [/align]
