Feeling guilty

[pumpkinandwhiskersmom]

We lost our sweet Pumpkin girl back in January, and I absolutely swore I would never adopt another bunny. I don't want to go through that heartbreak ever again. I feel bad about having that attitude, especially since we still have our adorable little man, Whiskers. I've kept my distance emotionally from him, because I know that, sooner or later, we'll lose him, too. It's a miserable attitude, and I know it, but I just can't help being afraid. However, I've seen the most adorable rabbit at a local shelter, and I'm weakening! HELP!!!!

 

[MyJuneAngel]

So sorry about your Pumpkin. It is heartbreaking to lose a furry member of the family like that. As heartbreaking as it is though, I think the JOY that comes with them makes it all worth it. Kind of like that Garth Brooks' song, The Dance... you could have missed the pain but you'd have had to miss the dance. I bet your sweet Pumpkin would be hurting that you are distancing yourself from Whiskers and I bet she'd love to see you happy again whether it be with just Whiskers or with another bun as well. Unless there are other reasons you really shouldn't adopt right now, I'd say it sounds like you are about ready!!

Totally different situation, I know, but... I lost my first child in 2001. He was stillborn at 20 weeks due to me having an incompetent cervix. It was horrible for us and for a little while I just made up my mind I wasn't going to have kids because it was too scary and I didn't want to go through that again. In the end, I realized I was more afraid of living my life without having a child to love than I was of the idea of losing another one. One year and one week after we lost our son our beautiful daughter entered our lives. She turned 10 a few weeks ago.

Are you more afraid of the hurt of losing another or are you more afraid of living without the JOY and LOVE that another bunny could bring to your life?

 

[christinebunnies]

Hi there, I am so sorry about your precious little pumpkin - what happened to her? I lost my little Schnally on March 25 2011 and I still have a very hard time with it - a part of me is gone - He was almost 10 - about the same age as my son they basically grew up together - my son considered him as a brother we were so close - Well on April 8 2011 I was in town with my son and he walked by a pet store and there were two tiny white bunnies in a white bucket with sawdust on the bottom - they were so small they fitted in the palm of your hand and my son said Mom I want to buy you a bunny - and I was still in the very depth of grieving over my little one - I said I dont think I could get another bunny but I thought maybe I could just hold one just to feel the fur just to hold it a little. The pet store lady said they were meat bunnies and she thought why not take two into the petstore and sell them for pets - they were New Zealand Whites and barely 4 weeks old - well I sat outside for awhile and my dear son Michael bought both of them for 20 each - he didnt want to leave one behind by itself - He went to the bathroom and took his t-shirt off and put his hoody back on and made them a nest in the box and then brought them out to me - I didnt know what to do - I didnt think I was ready for another bunny and yet he was so sweet and bought them for me well I just sat there for awhile and then I as one was a boy and the other a girl I thought maybe I ll take one perhaps - My son said Mom we need a bunny - You need a bunny so we bought one and thats how we got Sullen as my son named her- I went back the next day to check on the other one feeling guilty that I had left him but he had been bought by a lady who named him Snowball. Well anyway I had a tiny little baby bunny who fitted into a teacup and who had never had eaten before she tried to nurse from a christmas santa hat my son had in his room - I gave her slivers of carrots very very thin and they would fall from her mouth but once she got the idea of eating - she ate and ate and grew and grew. Then in July I walked by the pet store again and saw a spotthed bunny lying in a cupboard cage- I looked at her and left. Well in August about 4 weeks or so later that same bunny was still there a half grown youngster about 3 months old I - she was just lying there - the floor was smooth melamine like a cupboard and her pee could not go anywhere and she was sitting in her pee - I opened the door and lifted her out - she was soaked - her tail and hind feet orange and she was stiff and scared - there were just kids running the store at the time and didnt know anything about her - I put her back and we walked around and I said to Michael - I am going to buy that bunny - I know we already have one but even if I find another home for her - I well I just want to take her out of that cage - so I bought her and she was so happy at home - she binkied - and she had her footsies and tail white in an hour - My son named her Landy - now she has two stuffies half the size of her that she carries around with her and sleeps with - she runs up to me and lays them at my feet and cuddles and licks. Well you know miss my Schnally so very much and I love Sullen and Landy - and I am bunny slave again - and I mean slave - well take that little one that you saw- because well you are aching to hold another bunny arent you? you need another bunny - and well he or she needs you so give in and take the little one home.God Bless You and your new little one.

 

[christinebunnies]

Hi, me again, I just think that you and Whiskers need this little guy - and that your heart although broken is aching to love again - sweet little pumpkin will always be a part of you even though you can experience the joy of these two bunnies - whiskers and the new one. They certainly capture your heart dont they - Well I guess it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all - although the pain I know is unbearable - Well I encourage you to love again.

 

[LakeCondo]

Maybe it would help you if you had a ceremony of remembrance for Pumpkin. And/or think of adopting the new one as being done in her memory, not as replacing her in your heart.

 

[MiniLopHop]

I had a hard time when Cinderella passed earlier this year. We got Houdini a new mate because he became seveley depressed and we were going to lose him too. I found myself angry with him for being so happy with his new wife so quickly. I felt like he was betraying Cinderella or something. I know, not rational. I was able to see it as rabbits live in the moment. He loved Cinderella and was by her side even in her passing. He mourned hard, but was able to let go when it was time. I learned from him that it is ok to love another. Sophie doesn't replace Cinderella, but she is a unique addition to the family. I like to think that Cinderella would want us to be happy again.
I do think of Cinderella when I help other discarded Easter bunnies, she was my original child's cast off. I feel like educating people on rabbits is her legacy.

I think Pumpkin would want you to be able to heal and love another. Rabbits are very generous that way, they want to spread joy. :hug:

 

[Nelsons_Mom]

I completely understand how hard, and how essential, it is to grieve. And I could understand why you would feel hesitant to bring another rabbit into your life.

But I believe in some circumstances, if owners are having a particularly rough time, our past pets can help guide us to new ones from accross the bridge to bring light back into their owner's eyes. I'd go and sit with the bunny at the shelter and see if pumpkin is trying to help you, since you both loved each other so much.

 

[agnesthelion]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I understand the feeling. My hubby and I put our rottie to sleep 6 years ago now and I still miss her. We stayed with her while they did it and we walked out of the vets office crying and I said I will never own another pet again because that pian is just too great.....

But I changed my mind of course and I am glad that I did. I have to echo Lorettas example of the Garth Brooks song. It really does ring true. You don't want to miss "the dance" just to avoid the pain.

Good luck and let us know what youmdo!

 

[Korr_and_Sophie]

It is a sad part of life, but we all will die at some point. Unfortunately, we do have to go through the loss when a pet or a family member dies.
I think that letting the fact that your pets will die stop you from getting them isn't really good. You could have a rabbit for a week or for 15 years. Even if it is just a week, you can still get a lot of joy and get very attached to them. There is so much to be gained from having animals around that far outweigh knowing they won't be around forever.
You do need to make the right choice for yourself. You might not be ready right now, but you may find they the right rabbit at the right time will make you want to open up again.

I have lost 3 rabbits, and each time have gotten another rabbit after. The amount of time between varied, but it was more about finding the right rabbit than the time. When my first rabbit Sophie died, I adopted Sean only about 3 weeks later. I wasn't seriously looking, but I did look and fell in love with him. I only had Sean for 7 months before he died and I would not trade that for anything. I did know that I wanted another giant angora, so I did wait to get Lillian. When Penelope died, I was no ready for another rabbit right away, and neither was Korr (her partner). It was about 6 weeks before I found Amelia.

Don't focus on death and loss as it will only depress you and make it harder. Focus on Whisker and making him happy. You don't know how much longer you have, so make the most of it. You can look into the options for when he does die, like cremation, paw prints and other memorial stuff if you think it will help, but don't forget that he is here now and needs your love and attention.